Noah and the ark

I understand that there are some religious members on the BCG and I do not wish to offend them for the sake of it. So if you are of a Godly disposition then I would refrain from reading this. It's not horrendously offensive, but I think it's only right I give you a heads up.

Right. Been thinking about this one for a while and finally got to this stage, as per my last few posts, I would find it very helpful to see what others think before I get in too deep. I'm not sure if I've got the tone right, Is it too blatant in its agenda? Is it even amusing? Please let me know your thoughts.
Much thanks as always. Scratchyr.

INT. A BIBLICAL ERA ROOM. NOAH'S WIFE IS DOING SOME WEAVING. NOAH ENTERS THE ROOM

WIFE:
How did your meeting with God go?

NOAH:
Ok I suppose, he's made me Project Manager.

WIFE:
Of the Ark? Oh that's brilliant. I'm very pleased for you.

NOAH:
Yeah I know, and I'm pleased that he believes in me and all that but I'm not sure It's possible.

WIFE:
Why not?

NOAH:
For starters I need to chop down and prepare over two hundred tree trunks.

WIFE:
It'll be alright. We''l get the villagers to help you out.

NOAH:
Can't. Only I'm allowed to do it. That's what he said and even if I can build it, I still have to get two of every living thing and put them onboard

WIFE:
That won't take long.

NOAH:
There's ten million species, give or take eighty million. It's going to take me over three months just to get the insects, and that's as long as they all live nearby and not scattered all over the globe.

WIFE:
Scattered all over the what?

NOAH:
Sorry, disc. And the instructions are a bit fuzzy, I mean he says two of every kind, but a lot of them
eat some of the other ones so do I take extra for snacks? Just the lions on their own need eight cows.

WIFE:
Just make it really big.

NOAH:
Oh it's big alright. One hundred and thirty five metres long, twenty two metres wide, and and thirteen metres high. But to be honest, even at that size it's going to be a bit of a squeeze. Not to mention all the...all the...err...waste.

WIFE:
Calm down. Just tackle one problem at a time.

NOAH:
But there's so many. They all have different diets, they all need different environments, the Ark will be so big that using current ship building techniques it'll collapse as soon as it's finished.

WIFE:
Well at least you've made a boat before.

NOAH LOOKS SHEEPISH

WIFE: (CONT)
You have made a boat before right? Noah?

NOAH: (IGNORING HER)
Think I'll just be getting started then.

HE LEAVES THE ROOM.

CUT TO

EXT. WOODLAND. NOAH CHOPPING AT A TREE WITH A SMALL AXE. IT BEGINS TO RAIN. NOAH DESPERATELY BEGINS TO CHOP QUICKLY.

END.

It's nice but it's a bit of an old joke. Nicely played though and a lovely punchline.

Cheers Sootyj. Too old to be worth continuing with?

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/9540

My pathetic effort on the topic.

No good idea just needs a slightly fresh twist. PETA complaining? Richard Gere or other animal f**ker in the crew?

Don't think I'd call pathetic, I liked it. I suppose with religion there's a lot already written. With mine I just wanted to do try and get over the impossibility of it all. I shall think on it.

I think religious sketches need a touch of the real world issues, atleast for my taste.

Maybe Noah has to get planning permission or is accused of opening a petfood factory?

I think religious sketches need a touch of the real world issues, atleast for my taste.

Maybe Noah has to get planning permission or is accused of opening a petfood factory?

I thought it was good.
Nice idea, good dialogue, with funny lines.
There might be a better pay off somewhere out there, but it is a likeable sketch.

Quote: sootyj @ January 18 2010, 8:51 PM GMT

I think religious sketches need a touch of the real world issues, atleast for my taste.

View original

This was another thought I had. To set it in a modern day office with all the trappings of middle management. Maybe I'll try it.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ January 18 2010, 8:52 PM GMT

I thought it was good.
Nice idea, good dialogue, with funny lines.
There might be a better pay off somewhere out there, but it is a likeable sketch.

View original

Cheers Steve. I'm having a bit of trouble lately with the writing, although on the bright side I think that's because I now have higher standards for myself. albeit fanciful.

Again I thought it was good, some lines were better than others though, and I did think it became a bit laboured in someparts.

I really liked the punchline, but maybe not to go with this sketch.

I think that punch would fit better with a shorter sketch, maybe where God is late giving out the jobs. Moses only has time for 4 commandments, Joseph hasn't got time to read dreams- just read tealeafs, and Christ only does 1 loaf and a fishfinger.

As a new boy may I be so bold as to say that the dialogue was very realistic and incredibly easy to read. It was also nicely paced and nothing seemed forced or superfluous. From being a 'guest' for some months before taking the plunge I know some people don't seem to like suggestions for alternatives but, what if Mrs Noah says something about God not minding her doing a little bit and the pay off is Noah sat with his feet on the table reading the paper with Mrs Noah out in the rain.

I do agree like all your stuff Scratchyr it's smooth pacy and reads pleasantly.

It's always enjoyable to read how you write.

Hi will cam! Thanks for the kind words. All suggestions welcome, just not accepted

I'm glad you find my style enjoyable sootyj, as I do yours (especially the sign writing). All I need now is to get some jokes in there.

Hi scratchyr

Most of your statements are more observational facts, so I think you are right about getting a few more jokes in there.

For instance:
"For starters I need to chop down and prepare over two hundred tree trunks."
Yes, correct, and? You need to spin this to make it funny, in my opinion.

WIFE:
All you need is a few trees...

NOAH:
200 is not a few.

WIFE:
Oh, you're just lazy. Always moaning...

So maybe it'd be funnier if he actually came in holding some plans that God's given him. Then they'd have instructions on them that he could go over with his wife. Or give them a bit more character: wife can't see what the problem is; she always thought he was lazy. Or Noah *is* lazy or something. They're both a bit same-y, characterless, so jazz them up a bit.

Here was my take on the same subject matter: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/13019
The Works longlisted it, but didn't use it in the end (too similar to another sketch they'd done previously.)

Dan

Hi swertyd

Your sketch has a wicked angle and execution, enjoyed it greatly. As it stands my sketch is more like a list of points I want to include, but as you have noted, no gags. To be honest it seems as if quite a few people have done this subject so It's going to take a lot more than what I've got here to make any kind of impact.

As I have a few ideas for other sketches in the notebook, I may turn to those and put this one on the back burner until I can think of something worthwhile. Think I just had to get it out down so I could stop thinking about it.

Appreciate the comments, they're very useful in general and not just this attempt.

No probs. Thanks for the comments.

Dan