Sorry I'm late; on my way here I was involved in a traffic accident.
I wasn't injured, I just shit my pants at a pelican crossing
Is this a good start to a stand up routine?
I like that!
Quote: James @ January 14 2010, 4:02 PM GMTSorry I'm late; on my way here I was involved in a traffic accident.
I wasn't injured, I just shit my pants at a pelican crossing
Bit surreal and therefore risky - could go either way. If it goets no repsonse that makes it really tough for you.
Of course you could maybe do some surreal play on a pelican (the creature) crossing and zebras crossing roads. But honestly I'd say avoid until you've really founf your voice.
It might work better as "on my way here I shit my pants in the car. Tummy bug". Becuase I think the 'pelican crossing' confuses it; it conjures literal images of pelicans, etc.
That's a shit joke! 
Thought it was a pretty good. Maybe start it off with 'Sorry I'm a bit flustered' though - as you won't technically be 'late' when you walk out there (but the chances are you may be flustered).
A stand-up comedian (or any other performer) should NEVER be late. Even worse; giving the excuse that you were involved in a traffic accident where you weren't even injured and THEN shit your pants at a pelican crossing, is pathetic - and will only exacerbate the situation.
It's best to actually arrive ON TIME and open with: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen: I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to entertain you this evening. I feel great because I've just had a really good shit. My stool had an inner core that was a beautiful brownish green with a creamy yellow crust."
Quote: James @ January 14 2010, 4:02 PM GMTSorry I'm late; on my way here I was involved in a traffic accident.
I wasn't injured, I just shit my pants at a pelican crossing
It works for me. Very good line.
Thankyou for the feedback everyone it is much appreciated and comments have definitely been taken onboard.
Quote: Morrace @ January 14 2010, 5:23 PM GMTIt's best to actually arrive ON TIME and open with: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen: I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to entertain you this evening. I feel great because I've just had a really good shit. My stool had an inner core that was a beautiful brownish green with a creamy yellow crust."
Morrace - thank you particularly for your feedback, it means much more knowing that it comes from someone who excretes such stunning rainbowesque poops
Quote: Morrace @ January 14 2010, 5:23 PM GMTA stand-up comedian (or any other performer) should NEVER be late. Even worse; giving the excuse that you were involved in a traffic accident where you weren't even injured and THEN shit your pants at a pelican crossing, is pathetic - and will only exacerbate the situation.
It's best to actually arrive ON TIME and open with: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen: I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to entertain you this evening. I feel great because I've just had a really good shit. My stool had an inner core that was a beautiful brownish green with a creamy yellow crust."
Quote: James @ January 15 2010, 3:30 PM GMTMorrace - thank you particularly for your feedback, it means much more knowing that it comes from someone who excretes such stunning rainbowesque poops
Thanks, James. You're a regular guy!
Great joke careful no one pinches it.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ January 14 2010, 4:55 PM GMTBit surreal and therefore risky - could go either way. If it goets no repsonse that makes it really tough for you.
Of course you could maybe do some surreal play on a pelican (the creature) crossing and zebras crossing roads. But honestly I'd say avoid until you've really founf your voice.
It might work better as "on my way here I shit my pants in the car. Tummy bug". Becuase I think the 'pelican crossing' confuses it; it conjures literal images of pelicans, etc.
I like Dolly's angle, carry it off like it was an actual pelican. 'He got in a right flap'.
Nice, James. What about a little tweak:
I've got a bit of bird bowel flu. I had a crap time getting here, and then I shit meself at a pelican crossing.
But yours is fine as it is.
Made me laugh.