In Court.

My brain tells me this is a bit of a stinker. I think the idea could work but this execution is not cutting the mustard. Any suggestions would be cool and the gang.

INT. A COURTROOM.

BARRISTER:
Could you please clarify for the court that you were born on the fifteenth of July, nineteen eighty six?

DEFENDANT:
That is correct.

BARRISTER:
That would make you a Cancerian would it not?

DEFENDANT:
I believe so yes.

BARRISTER:
And would you agree that the victim was a Gemini?

DEFENDANT:
I suppose so.

BARRISTER:
I put it to you that you murdered the victim because your star signs are incompatible. As a Cancerian you found the victim to be aloof and emotionally vague whereas you prefer the sanctuary of commitment.

DEFENDANT'S LAWYER:
Objection

JUDGE:
Over ruled.

BARRISTER.
Typical Leo.

END.

I liked the idea of something so serious being reduced to the frivolous levels of astrological birth signs, but I was a little confused as to whether the barrister was accusing the defendant's lawyer or the judge of being a 'typical Leo'.

Would it be funnier if it went:

DEFENDANT'S LAWYER:
Objection

JUDGE: (Waving the objection away dismissively)
Oh you're such a typical Leo! Over ruled, carry on counsel.

I think I need to re do this one from the start maybe. You're right about clearing it up with the stage direction etc. But I don't think it's ever going to be a goodun.

I had this section in as well originally

BARRISTER:
Well let me ask you when you last saw the victim?

DEFENDANT:
On the Friday I suppose.

BARRISTER:
The thirteenth?

DEFENDANT:
If you say so, yeah.

BARRISTER:
And where did this meeting take place?

DEFENDANT:
Erm...I was going upstairs to show him my umbrella, he was on his way down, so I just showed him on the stairs.

BARRISTER:
So you passed him on the stairs and then proceeded to open the umbrella for him.

DEFENDANT:
Not exactly, he opened it.

BARRISTER:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I propose that the defendant, knowingly and with murderous forethought used his knowledge of bad luck and superstition to ensure the death of the victim.

but felt it was too different from the star sign stuff and equally as unfunny. Hmmmmmm need to dwell on it. Thanks though Kasm.

Nice idea it needs to be very snappy, also "typical leo" is a pretty old punch.

Quote: sootyj @ January 4 2010, 6:29 PM GMT

Nice idea it needs to be very snappy, also "typical leo" is a pretty old punch.

View original

Yeah I could almost feel the hands of the past on my keyboard as I typed that one.
I'm fairly sure there's something worth pursuing in the subject matter but can't get my head into it yet I think.

I think both variants are the right length. And it could be a runner with various wild reasonings. I thought they weren't as bad as you seem to think they are. If anything, the comeback about typical Leo is the weaker part. Maybe you need to find a better ending. But agree with Kasm that the setup and premise is solid (in both).

Quote: sootyj @ January 4 2010, 6:29 PM GMT

also "typical leo" is a pretty old punch.

View original

What SootyJ said, is what I was trying to say.

The idea of a serious trial based on horoscopes is very strong run with it, it's mostly there.

Maybe Russell Grant as an expert witness?

Yeah, I think the bad luck and superstition angle is a different idea.

The star sign thought is a good one and worth persevering with - it highlights the general dumbing down of traditional values. Maybe just push it a bit further.

Thanks all. I'll keep my mind on this one then.

You could add an extra dimension by making the defendant a newspaper astrologer, realising he's going to be forced to debunk his own nonsense in order to stay out of jail.

Also, I' wouldn't say "Cancerian", I'd say "Pisces" or something to avoid confusion.

INT. A COURTROOM.

BARRISTER:
Could you please clarify for the court that you were born on the fifteenth of July, nineteen eighty six and that would make you a Pisces would it not?

DEFENDANT:
That is correct.

BARRISTER:
And would you agree that the victim was a Gemini?

DEFENDANT:
I suppose so.

BARRISTER:
I put it to you that you murdered the victim because your star signs are incompatible. As a Pisces you found the victim to be aloof and emotionally vague whereas you prefer the sanctuary of commitment.

JUDGE:
Before I ask the jury to come to a decision is there anything the defendant would like to add?

DEFENDANT:
I would like to enter a plea of diminished responsibility on the grounds that Venus was rising through the path of Orion.

END.

Much much better ending although I'd use more of their terminology - isn't it "in the ascendency" or something like that and I'm not sure if Orion gets called in to their calculations?

"in the ascendency" is what I need. I'll work up the new version then. Cheers SlagA.

Yup, much better ending. And in the ascendancy is neat.

How about you make the defendant Gemini and then he could plead diminshed responsibility due to schizophrenia.

I love this whole concept and agree there is more scope. Just delighted you weren't tempted to slip in a Uranus joke.

I would put some direction in before the judges line in the last version to indicate a slight change of pace.