A Bit Of Junk

Junk Lunch

A school bus; two children sit on the seats. One of them reaches into his bag and pulls out a small blue box. He opens it and looks inside. The contents aren't seen.

Child 1
Shit, I've got Dad's.

Child 2
What is it?

Child 1
Oh, just junk.

We see inside the box. It contains a small syringe, a bag containing white powder and a small band and spoon.

Child 2
Bummer

Child 1
He'll be so pissed off when he finds that he's got mine. He hates coke.

The Artiste

MUSIC: Golden Brown - The Stranglers

We see a chef carefully lifting a tiny cake from an oven. Slowly, he places it on a plate and drizzles lemon juice over the top. He ices the cake with expert precision and delicately tops it with multicoloured fruits. Standing back, he gazes at it from all angles, and finally adds a cherry. He carefully hands the plate to a waiter, and then watches through the hatch as it is taken to a diner. The diner greedily accepts the plate and digs his spoon carelessly into the middle of the cake. The chef turns away with a tear in his eye.

Saw the punchline a mile off, and the "coke" gag has been done to death.
Hate to be a downer, but I felt the piece was a bit obvious.

I don't connect the word 'Junk' with drugs so I don't know what I was expecting in the sandwich box but I agree that the coke gag has been done to death. I first saw it in the 1964 film 'A Hard Days Night' when John Lennon sniffed a Coke bottle...

Maybe you need some new twists to this sketch?

What they ^^ said.

Plus on the technical side, try not to use the words WE SEE, describe the scene, not the camera direction.

The Artist one would be a nice little throw away joke in a longer piece, but as a sketch it's not a strong enough gag.

If I had written this stuff I would certainly take the Chef and develop that character as I liked that second piece! Although I do agree with what The Leevil says above.

But I'm a Mod, I'm infallible.

I hadn't heard the coke one either....experience obviously pays (off).

Many thanks to all.

Actually, though I hadn't heard it before I tend to agree that the first is dog feaces. It's one of those awful 'if only' sketches that Beyond The Fringe did away with fifty odd years ago...

I'll give you the Junk/drugs but not knowing about the coke pun? There's tons of jokes based on that.

eg1) What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?

Richard Pryor got burnt by Coke.

Or the fact that coca-cola used to actually have traces of cocaine it.

Actually, it wasn't meant as a pun. It was meant to suggest that the kid just had the wrong drugs kit. Poor joke anyway, but I try to keep to Cleese's first rule of comedy: "NO PUNS, NO PUNS, NO PUNS."

That's me f**ked!

Or you could just say, "Piss off Cleese, Fierce Creatures was shit."

Of course, he can't hear you but it might be cathartic...

I think puns are OK ... why not? Irrespective of what John Cleese says. Jesus walked on water, but I'm not going to try it..

The only rule that applies is.. there are no rules..

Quote: Pilot @ October 11, 2007, 10:30 PM

Or the fact that coca-cola used to actually have traces of cocaine it.

View original

NHS Dentists used to use Cocaine as a patient anaesthetic (even for children) ... in those days you could get coke on the NHS!!!

lol you can get heroin now on the NHS, sorry Methadone.

Yep and if you're on the dole/sick you can get your prescription paid for too..

Sorted!