Quote: James Cotter @ December 21 2009, 12:49 PM GMT
What the show?
Ya, nice one geezer. All you have to do is take on board the sound advice here - and play yourself - and really work on the performance aspect (especially voice) and you've got it made.
At the moment I agree about you needing good writers, but it is slightly defeatest of you as you will improve over time if you work at it.
I always thought you were a good performer and I think if you wanted to play a role that 'works' now you should play a version of yourself. Otherwise unless you have a brilliant make up department the whole piece will be ruined by you being too young for the role you are playing.
Quote: James Cotter @ December 21 2009, 1:01 PM GMTMaybe I should a poll deciding on who should appear in a cameo?
Perhaps Don Rushmore and Sootyj?
Quote: James Cotter @ December 21 2009, 12:05 PM GMTAs you might have noticed already I am a comedian who doesn't do jokes. I can't write them really and a lot of my comedy comes from the character.
I'm aware of the concept of 'comedy coming from the character', but there isn't any here.
We aren't expecting your creations to deliver Woody Allen style one-liners, but we do want their personalities/shortcomings to make us laugh.
Quote: Kenneth @ December 21 2009, 1:04 PM GMTYa, nice one geezer. All you have to do is take on board the sound advice here - and play yourself - and really work on the performance aspect (especially voice) and you've got it made.
I will take onboard the advice. But I won't be playing myself in the future. I think the performance is quite good it's the writing and lack of comedy which is the problem for most.
Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ December 21 2009, 12:05 PM GMTI think you shouldn't change it to comedy drama. I agree that at the moment there are far too many people who class sutble comedy with a naturalsitc feel as comedy drama. It means a show has to be full of slapstick, over the top performances and a studio audience to be classed as a comedy.
If people took this attitude a few years ago then The Office and The Royle Family and possibly the Peep Show would be comedy dramas.
I think this a more subtle piece of comedy that doesn't mean it's not funny but it's funny in different way.
Quote: don rushmore @ December 21 2009, 12:14 PM GMTYou should team up with Sooty, he doesn't do jokes either.
Well if Sooty is interested then he can drop me a line.
Quote: SlagA @ December 21 2009, 12:17 PM GMTMaybe so with the better parts near the end but you have to draw people in and fast. Your audience wants to be entertained and you have a minute or so grace to at least give them a laugh before they begin to turn off. So you really have to address the structure of what you do. To say that you need 20 minutes to develop a character before he provides a laugh isn't true.
Every comedy should give laughs via the process of developing character.
I don't need 20 minutes but I need a couple of minutes at least with this sort of character.
Yes the lack of comedy is the obvious thing to point out but when you sort this out you will find that people will admire your work but they will not particualry enjoy it if it is clear you are playing a role that is too old for you. It makes it obvious that you are acting and so takes them out of the 'dream' as it were and so they can only asses it critically rather than enjopy it as a piece of entertainment.
Quote: Kenneth @ December 21 2009, 12:31 PM GMTThe Bowie tune is the icing on the Cotter cake. You're now a recognizable face (at least to me), so that no matter what you do, I'll watch and enjoy. A bit like when The Pixies released Bam Thwok - sure it wasn't a particularly brilliant record, but it was The Pixies, so therefore - and depsite any absence of merit - it was great. That's a rather clumsy and misleading comparison, as Jeremy Spicer is way better than Back To Class, in my opinion.
Thanks for liking Bowie, I think.
I am glad I am now a estiblashed recognsizned face (with you).
I am glad you liked the show too 
Quote: Marc P @ December 21 2009, 12:33 PM GMTJames, you have essentially written a monologue but have confused it with phone calls and etc. It should probably be one thing or the other. Monolugues work best when the character is not self aware and gradually over the course of the piece the narrative is revealed. It should therefore have a narrative structure which yours doesn;t really, if you think about it we know everything there is to know about your character within a very short space of time and we don't go anywhere else with him. We know all we need to know in a way from reading the description. Have alook at shaping a story, the building blocks are reveals and surprises and relevations and a resoultion at the end. I hate the cliche but I will use it anyway - you need to take your audience on a voyage of discovery with your character, it's not a pen portrait - it's a story after all.
Well it's always my down for trying to do two genres in one. In Harris & Doyle it was all going to be set in the car with just Harris & Doyle talking but after taking on some advice that it might be a tad boring for people who don't like that style I inter-crossed it with some action sequences same here but with the action sequences.
Originally it was all going to be set while he was on air and we were going to have callers and him reacting badly to them but realised that this was Down the Line so at the last minute I included these monologue sequence which I love to perform and write and sliced them in between the on air sequences.
My next project is pure monologue for radio with a actor playing the lead role so all of the feedback you have given should be answered with this. Thanks because you are right.
Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ December 21 2009, 1:04 PM GMTAt the moment I agree about you needing good writers, but it is slightly defeatest of you as you will improve over time if you work at it.
I always thought you were a good performer and I think if you wanted to play a role that 'works' now you should play a version of yourself. Otherwise unless you have a brilliant make up department the whole piece will be ruined by you being too young for the role you are playing.
I am still going to write. Something's with out me in and when I do work with writers I will still write there but I won't be the sole writer all the time so I am not being defeatist at all just trying to find the best way of working.
Thanks for saying I am a good performer but I think Jeremy is pretty close to being like me so I couldn't get any closer really.
Quote: Kenneth @ December 21 2009, 1:04 PM GMTPerhaps Don Rushmore and Sootyj?
Quote: James Cotter @ December 21 2009, 1:15 PM GMTWell if Sooty is interested then he can drop me a line.
'...but Don Rushmore can f**k off...' 
Quote: Ben @ December 21 2009, 1:08 PM GMTI'm aware of the concept of 'comedy coming from the character', but there isn't any here.
We aren't expecting your creations to deliver Woody Allen style one-liners, but we do want their personalities/shortcomings to make us laugh.
Your saying there is no comedy coming from the character I agree it's not the funniest show in the world but I have to say there are some laughs coming from the character through out.
Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ December 21 2009, 1:15 PM GMTYes the lack of comedy is the obvious thing to point out but when you sort this out you will find that people will admire your work but they will not particualry enjoy it if it is clear you are playing a role that is too old for you. It makes it obvious that you are acting and so takes them out of the 'dream' as it were and so they can only asses it critically rather than enjopy it as a piece of entertainment.
The answer to this is to do radio or write things I am not in. Two areas I am moving into.
Quote: don rushmore @ December 21 2009, 1:27 PM GMT'...but Don Rushmore can f**k off...'
Yeah that is basically what I am saying.
Too be absolutely serious I'd be willing to help with the writing and the upgagging. But not really a cameo at this stage.
You've got potential but you don't seem to take on board that even character comedy ahs to be written and structured.
Quote: sootyj @ December 21 2009, 1:32 PM GMTToo be absolutely serious I'd be willing to help with the writing and the upgagging. But not really a cameo at this stage.
You've got potential but you don't seem to take on board that even character comedy ahs to be written and structured.
What a shame about the cameo.
I do know everything has to be structured and everything I have done has been but not necessarily that well.
Nice production, but as a dramatic monologue it does not really seem to have any story to tell. The performance captured the character but perhaps at the expense of comic timing, not that there was much humour in the script to work with.
For example in the first 3 minutes you seem to tell us 3 times he's an unhappy radio DJ. We should be guessing that from the performance, clues etc.
Quote: James Cotter @ December 21 2009, 1:27 PM GMTWell it's always my down for trying to do two genres in one. In Harris & Doyle it was all going to be set in the car with just Harris & Doyle talking but after taking on some advice that it might be a tad boring for people who don't like that style I inter-crossed it with some action sequences same here but with the action sequences.
Originally it was all going to be set while he was on air and we were going to have callers and him reacting badly to them but realised that this was Down the Line so at the last minute I included these monologue sequence which I love to perform and write and sliced them in between the on air sequences.
My next project is pure monologue for radio with a actor playing the lead role so all of the feedback you have given should be answered with this. Thanks because you are right.
Yeah for this sort of thing I would stick with pure monologue. You break the conceit by having phone calls etc and people wonder who the hell is he talking to?
I was going to paste a link to a monoluge I put up somewhere on an american site by Will Ferrer I think but I have forgotten where it is and don't have the file handy to upload to you tube. It's not great but it illustrates what I mean about characters not being self aware and using reveals to shape your narrative.
Oh and James we generally ignore the truly awful, so the interest means we see potential.