Short sketch to 'ave a peak at

Something topical, which I haven't ever really done before. And it's not a video, even weirder! Let rip...

INT. KITCHEN. DAY
A MOTHER is just washing some dishes when her SON walks in. She looks delighted to see him and he looks exhausted as he drops his rucksack to the floor.

MOTHER
You’re back!

She runs and hugs him.

SON
Come on Mum!

MOTHER
It’s so good to have you back dear!

SON
Thanks Mum, it’s good to be back.

MOTHER
Now, I did tidy your room but otherwise it’s as you left it.

SON
Are you sure? You sure you didn’t turn it into a study?!?

MOTHER
I would never! Though, I do need to warn you…

As she is speaking the son is already heading to his room. He opens his bedroom door and the drum breakdown from ‘In The Air Tonight’ by Phil Collins blares out. We don’t see in the room.

MOTHER
I’ve met someone new.

SON
What the hell?

MOTHER
He’s a drummer.

SON
What’s going on?

MOTHER
But I promise you, he’ll never replace your father.

SON
It’s a gorilla.

MOTHER
He’s more than just a gorilla.

SON
I can see. He’s a gorilla who can play the drums.

MOTHER
And he’s such a good listener.

SON
Why’d you let him borrow my drumkit?

MOTHER
He’s very persuasive.
The son walks back to his rucksack, takes out a gun and heads back to his room. The mother tries to stop him.

MOTHER
(Desperate)
Don’t please, he brings home chocolate from work. You love chocolate.
He points and shoots. The music cuts out abruptly.

MOTHER
Noooo!

SON
I could never trust someone who likes Phil Collins.

THE END

Looks like it wasn't another day in paradise for her then.

Yeah, it was okay Stu. Thinking about it, I can imagine Harry Hill doing this sketch, for the gorilla costume alone.

I liked the reveal, but maybe end it there, unless you want to squeeze the most out of the advert reference as possible?

I was thinking of the gorilla never actually being shown.

Does it get a bit laboured with the chocolate and Collins reference at the end?

Sorry, I didn't see 'We don’t see in the room', lol. I'm not sure the joke of the chocolate obsessed woman is original.

Here's a suggestion, have the son fire the shotgun and a burst of fur fly out the room and maybe chocolate splatter all over the walls as if it were blood.

I actually didn't think of it as the woman is obsessed chocolate at all. Does it come across as that?

Well after a reread it doesn't really, but shame on me for automatically assuming a woman is obsessed with chocolate.

Lol, I can't help you further mate, I think it's okay, but it's not a sketch I'd write, a joke maybe, but not a stand alone sketch.

Okay, thanks for the help though, will give it a fresh look in the morning.

I like the fact that it's easy to picture and I love the bit when the boy is like 'what the hell?'

I quite like the idea, even though I have no idea what it is you're referencing. You should definitely show the gorilla. No one likes an off screen monkey.

I liked it and Lee's suggestion makes it even better.

I like the payoff too about Phil Collins! And even though I've heard so much about it I've still not seen the advert.

I loved the "It's a gorilla" line! Made me laugh!

oh and David the reference is from this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy52yueBX_s

Defo worth a look!

I would cut it down a bit and also the end i would have him go into the room, start 'in the air tonight' and just after the drums dsh dsh dsh dsh dugger dsh bit have a gunshot and the son come out and say the last line.