A pub in Holborn. Interior. Night.
SIX MEN ARE SEATED AROUND A TABLE
GODOT:
Not much of a turn out then.
BADGE:
Very disappointing.
SOOTY:
Disgraceful, really.
BILL WILL:
With it being Christmas and everything. Look you. Indeed to goodness.
CAR PARK:
Not much good will.
KEV MURPHY (LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE):
We've got Bill Will.
(ALL LAUGH)
GODOT:
I was expecting Dolly Dagger, Paul W, Tim Walker, Matthew Stott and Marc P.
BADGE:
I was expecting Don Rushmore, Zoo, Gavin, Moonstone, Loopey, Aaron and Bigfella,
SOOTY:
And Scottidog, Chappers, Ben, Morrace, Andrea Lynne, Timbo, Ellie JP and Leevil,
BILL WILL:
David Bussell, Chipolata, Roscoff. Ruby Mae, Nil Putters, Krusty, Kenneth and Sammy,
CAR PARK:
Da Butt, Scratchyr, Dr Mato, Johnny D, Jim Field, ITDavid and Yacob Wingnut.
K MURPHY:
Not to mention Scatterbrained Floozy, Jane P, John Lucas, Lime and Swerytyd.
(SILENCE)
GODOT:
Okay. I might as well tell you.
(ALL EYES ON GODOT)
GODOT (CONT):
I'm Don Rushmore, Zoo, Gavin, Moonstone, Loopey, Aaron and Bigfella,
(GASPS OF ASTONISHMENT)
BADGE:
Okay. If Godot's coming clean, I might as well confess I'm Scottidog, Chappers, Ben, Morrace, Andrea Lynne, Timbo, Ellie JP and Leevil.
(MORE GASPS OF ASTONISHMENT)
SOOTY:
In for a penny, I suppose. I'm David Bussell, Chipolata, Roscoff. Ruby Mae, Nil Putters, Krusty, Kenneth and Sammy.
BILL WILL:
My turn now. I'm Da Butt, Scratchyr, Dr Mato, Johnny D, Jim Field, ITDavid and Yacob Wingnut.
CAR PARK:
I'm Scatterbrained Floozy, Jane P, John Lucas, Lime and Swerytyd.
KEV MURPHY:
I'm Dolly Dagger, Paul W, Tim Walker, Matthew Stott and Marc P.
GODOT:
Bastards.
BADGE:
Twats.
SOOTY:
Wankers.
BILL WILL:
Knobheads.
CAR PARK:
F**kwits.
KEV MURPHY:
Tosspots.
(SILENCE)
GODOT:
Let's look on the bright side, eh? If there's only a handful of real people on BCG, it gives each of us more chance of being discovered by Micheal Jacob!
(MUCH CHEERFUL AGREEMENT)
(ENTER STEVE SUNSHINE)
STEVE:
Hold on. Hold on. Before you get too excited.
(ALL EYES ON STEVE)
STEVE (CONT):
'Micheal Jacob' is one of my IDs. The real Micheal Jacob has never heard of BCG.
GODOT:
Bastard.
BADGE:
Twat.
SOOTY:
Wanker.
BILL WILL:
Knobhead.
CAR PARK:
F**kwit.
KEV MURPHY:
Tosspot.
END.
