British Comedy Guide

I've Been Wasting My Time Page 3

Quote: Tim Walker @ December 9 2009, 12:21 PM GMT

What was the context of this? Was it at a bus stop, or was the guy running the take-away you were ordering from?

At an exhibition where I was selling paintings. It's not the done thing to tell potential clients to 'f**k off'. Not that he'd have understood anyway.

Quote: Nogget @ December 9 2009, 12:24 PM GMT

It's not the done thing to tell potential clients to 'f**k off'.

Not even if it's a Tracy Emin exhibition?

Quote: Tim Walker @ December 9 2009, 12:25 PM GMT

Not even if it's a Tracy Emin exhibition?

Laughing out loud

Quote: Nogget @ December 9 2009, 12:24 PM GMT

It's not the done thing to tell potential clients to 'f**k off'.

Quote: chipolata @ December 9 2009, 12:21 PM GMT

Was he suspiciously bigger than your average Chinaman?

:O The things you do to land a potential sale, eh?

Quote: SlagA @ December 9 2009, 12:34 PM GMT

:O

:D
:$

Quote: SlagA @ December 9 2009, 12:34 PM GMT

:O The things you do to land a potential sale, eh?

The truth is, while you can tell 95% of the time how serious someone is, the 5% you never expected to buy anything can often have bulging wallets. So a degree of tolerance pays dividends.

Quote: Nogget @ December 9 2009, 12:41 PM GMT

So a degree of tolerance pays dividends.

I'm out.

Quote: Tim Walker @ December 9 2009, 11:30 AM GMT

The computers have won, we're essentially their key prodding slaves now.

Fight the power!

As a key prodding slave, the absolute biggest waste of my existence comes whenever the Virgin internet goes down.

Step 1 - Ring Virgin, spend years pressing keys on telephone and listening to automated messages

Step 2 - Get through to the Indian call centre chap and tell him that the network has gone down, then spend years going through the plugging and unplugging modem dance

Step 3 - Get put on hold by call centre, suddenly get cut off, have to repeat Step 1.

Step 4 - After repeating Step 2, the call centre dude tells me they have to send an engineer to my house, I explain it's nothing wrong with my modem or line, it's a network issue, happens 4-5 times a year, he says nothing is wrong with their system and that an engineer has to come to my house and see the dust behind my computer.

Step 5 - The Engineer can't come for 3 days. 3 days?! Okay, I'll book him. Morning or Afternoon? Morning.

Step 6 - Wait for three days.

Step 7 - Get up at 8am on day three and wait for engineer. At 12.05pm repeat Step 1 and ask where the engineer is. Wait on hold for 10 minutes. Then told he is 5 minutes away.

Step 8 - Two and a half hours later the engineer finally shows up. After spending 5 minutes looking at my set up, he remarks that it must be a network issue.

Step 9 - Engineer makes a phone call. Two minutes later, all the little green lights go on and the internet is back. Engineer sits at computer and types in some sort of testing website into my browser - I keep fingers crossed that nothing 'dodgy' appears on the internet history address bar as he types away. Nope, all cool.

Step 10 - I spend the next 12 hours catching up with 4 days worth of emails and internet.

:( :( :( :( :(

Quote: Gavin @ December 9 2009, 12:46 PM GMT

I'm out.

I didn't think you were hetro.

Quote: Nogget @ December 9 2009, 12:48 PM GMT

I didn't think you were hetro.

I was that Big Chinaman trying to rub against you.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ December 9 2009, 12:48 PM GMT

As a key prodding slave, the absolute biggest waste of my existence comes whenever the Virgin internet goes down.

Step 1 - Ring Virgin,

Ahh yes.
I made the mistake of trying to change the name of the account holder with Virgin. Several months later, and after hours of phoning, losing internet and phone, complaining, and having run up ££'s on my mobile after they couldn't get my landline working again, I'm left with a different phone number, despite them telling me I could retain the old one, and a deep resentment towards them.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ December 9 2009, 12:48 PM GMT

Step 10 - I spend the next 12 hours catching up with 4 days worth of emails and internet.

Step 11 - Bandage cock.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ December 9 2009, 12:48 PM GMT

I keep fingers crossed that nothing 'dodgy' appears on the internet history address bar as he types away. Nope, all cool.

:D

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ December 9 2009, 1:03 PM GMT

Step 11 - Bandage cock.

Laughing out loud

Playing video games. I really enjoy them, but ultimately the goal of trying to complete a game, is an unproductive, empty victory.

Quote: Leevil @ December 9 2009, 2:12 PM GMT

Playing video games. I really enjoy them, but ultimately the goal of trying to complete a game, is an unproductive, empty victory.

Losing is worse. At the weekend I spent eight hours on Civ IV, only for Gilgamesh to smack me with a cultural victory just as I'd finished piling up my tanks on his border.

This is why I hate Sumerians.

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