SHORT & you'd have to be REALLY smart to like it

One from of a series of shop assistant/customer gags
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INT. DEPARTMENT STORE. FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANT. MALE CUSTOMER COMES IN.

SHOP ASSISTANT:
Yes, sir?

CUSTOMER:
That's the answer I was looking for..

CUSTOMER RIPS OFF HIS OVERCOAT AND DRESSSED ONLY IN A LEATHER THONG LEAPS OVER THE COUNTER. SHOCKED LOOK ON ASSISTANTS FACE. CUT TO: SHOP ASSISTANTS FINGER PRESSING A BUTTON.

A BELL SOUNDS AND THREE SECURITY GUARDS APPEAR. THE CUSTOMER UNDAUNTED LEAPS BACK OVER THE COUNTER AND GESTURES AND SNEERS AT THE SECURITY GUARDS. THE SECURITY GUARDS LOOK AT EACH OTHER THEN STRIP OFF TO THEIR THONGS. SHOCKED LOOK ON CUSTOMERS FACE. THE SECURITY GUARDS THEN CHASE THE CUSTOMER THROUGH THE SHOP.

I think you could find a better set-up for getting the woman to say 'yes' than the old shop assistant chestnut.

Also, you might want to have the woman escaping if your intention wasn't to write a rape gag.

Quote: David Bussell @ October 7, 2007, 3:48 PM

I think you could find a better set-up for getting the woman to say 'yes' than the old shop assistant chestnut.

Also, you might want to have the woman escaping if your intention wasn't to write a rape gag.

View original

Good points, thanks!

It was written for a series where I was looking at the 'old chesnut' of customer/shop assistant. I must admit I've never thought of it as a rape gag.

Maybe I'll have her grab a fire extinguisher or something to put out his ardour. Or possibly she could press a bell and some security guards appear and the customer 'threatens them' with his near nakedness and then they strip off to thongs and chase him.

This is slapstick of course, which I happen to like. I'm only doodling around with old gags here!

I would keep it shorter and smarter:

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE. FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANT. MALE CUSTOMER COMES IN.

SHOP ASSISTANT:
Yes, sir?

CUSTOMER:
That's the answer I was looking for.

CUSTOMER EXITS

Quote: JohnnyD @ October 7, 2007, 4:29 PM

I would keep it shorter and smarter:

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE. FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANT. MALE CUSTOMER COMES IN.

SHOP ASSISTANT:
Yes, sir?

CUSTOMER:
That's the answer I was looking for.

CUSTOMER EXITS

View original

Yes, I like that very much! It avoids comments about 'rape' anyway... which honestly hadn't occurred to me (in my non-PC naievity..)

I've been playing around with this for awhile with various slap-stick conclusions.

Was the original version just one of your fantasies?

Quote: David Chapman @ October 7, 2007, 5:04 PM

Was the original version just one of your fantasies?

View original

No not at all.

My fantasy is to go into a Department store and be able to afford to buy something.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Poor Mr Rage!

Quote: Frankie Rage @ October 7, 2007, 5:05 PM

No not at all.

My fantasy is to go into a Department store and be able to afford to buy something.

View original

I understand completely!

Quote: David Chapman @ October 7, 2007, 5:20 PM

I understand completely!

View original

Yes, I recall that we're both in the same boat.. is that another baillif trying to get in David, quick push him back into the water while I paddle harder..

Well I loved it Frankie. If you want to avoid the rape gag tarnish then maybe

MAN WALKS UP TO COUNTER, JEWELERY SECTION OF LARGE DEPT. STORE, ASSISTANT IS FLICKING THROUGH A MAGAZINE

MAN: Excuse me madam would you mind taking a look at this?

WOMAN: Yes, Sir (SHE LEAVES HER HEAT MAGAZINE AND MOVES TOWARDS THE GUY)

MAN: Exactly the answer I was looking for.

The guy could strip off down to thong and no need to jump over counter. She can still press button but be nonchalently not really bothered about it. Love the idea of the security guards doing the same thing and chasing him around.

Yeah I like a bit of slapstick - glad you liked it too Dale! Thanks mate!

It may be funny if it was a scene that kept repeating but it seems a bit wierd just reading it