Porn -
You don't have to buy it dinner, talk to it or hug it afterwards. You can also shut it off at any time and it won't nag you. If fact, it's great!
Ferrero Roche -
Posh chocks for chavs.
The Big Tin of Cadbury's Roses -
Don't even pretend it's for sharing at Christmas tubbo, you're gonna wolf them bad boys down all on your lonesome.
Caniston Cream -
Because you is a dirty bitch.
Ethnic Style Wooly Hats -
So I can hate you from a distance you c**t, especially when you're holding up the lunchtime supermarket queue by buying a bottle of water and a banana with your cash card, be a shame if you paid for the whopping £1.98 bill with actual money, but no, that would be too easy, you twat.
Maxi Pads -
Stops blood from running down your leg and if you're lucky, keeps it off your knickers as well.