Bored Boss - a sketch

I'm in the middle of trying to write a sketch show/ sitcom hybrid. This is one of me' sketches.

DANIELLE IS STANDING IN FRONT OF HER NEW BOSS, RACHEL. DANIELLE HAS A FIXED GRIN ON HER FACE. RACHEL reads danielle's cv looking up AT HER every so often. THERE IS AN AWKWARD MOOD.
DANIELLE
(after a moment) So Mike thought it'd be a good idea to introduce myself.
RACHEL
Right. This is your CV is it?
DANIELLE
Yes.
RACHEL
(looking at CV) I see you went to St Peter's Secondary School 11 years ago.
DANIELLE
Yes. That's right (pause) Great days!
RACHEL
I was there at that time.
DANIELLE
Oh really, I don't remember you. Do you remember me?
RACHEL
Yes…
DANIELLE
Erm…did we have any classes together. I'm really sorry, my memories not what it used to be.
RACHEL
We both had PE together.
DANIELLE
Ah, with Mr Price. He was a funny old stick.
RACHEL
You think so?
DANIELLE
Well…
RACHEL
Only I thought he was a very good teacher
DANIELLE
Yes, that's what I meant…
RACHEL
I see…
DANIELLE
Well, it's good to meet someone from the old days.
RACHEL
You made my life hell.
DANIELLE
(aghast) What? No. Never. I don't even remember you.
RACHEL
Danielle Walters?
DANIELLE
Yes.
RACHEL
Went to St Peter's Secondary School?
DANIELLE
Yes.
RACHEL
Took PE with Mr Price?
DANIELLE
Yes.
RACHEL
You're the one.
DANIELLE
But I can't be. I was never a bully.
RACHEL
Really? You don't call constant taunting bullying? You don't call drawing obscene images on my face bullying? You don't call threatening to cut my hair off bullying?
DANIELLE
(Desperate) Yes that does sound like bullying, but you must be confusing me with someone else. I would never have bullied you, Mrs Scott.
RACHEL
Call me 'Fat tits'.
DANIELLE
What…?
RACHEL
It's what you used to call me.. Yes, I had a well developed chest.
DANIELLE
But I don't remember…
RACHEL
(quoting her)'You don't remember, …who?' Call me what you used to call me!
DANIELLE
Please, I really wasn't-
RACHEL
(hissing) Do it!
DANIELLE
(reluctantly) I don't remember, Fat tits.
RACHEL
Is it coming back to you? Is it? (no reply) I see from your CV that you haven't worked for 6 months.
DANIELLE
Yes. That's right. It's quite difficult at the moment. My husband fell down a lift shaft and hasn't been able to walk-
RACHEL
So you really need this job don't you…?
DANIELLE
…yes…
RACHEL
Well I'm not a vicious woman. I'm prepared to drop the matter and say no more about it.
DANIELLE
I assure you I never-
RACHEL
I'll drop the matter after I have had a bit of pay back.
DANIELLE
What do you mean..?
RACHEL
(getting up) I'll show you. (she puts her face really close to danille's face) You stink. You're useless. You've got big hands. Nobody likes you. Anything to say? Hmm? (Danielle shakes her head) What about this? (she draws a penis on Danielle's forehead with a permanent marker). How about this? (She picks up some scissors and cuts in the air around danielle's hair) Now come in everyday at 11 for the next 3 months and we'll take it from there. You will call me 'Fat tits' to remind yourself why you are here. Now get out.
DANIELLE
(quietly) Yes Fat tits
RACHEL
(Danielle exits. Rachel picks up her phone, laughing)
That was a good one! I really went off on one then. Send in the next newbie, I'm still bored. (After a moment, Tom enters)
TOM
Hello, I'm Tom. (Handing rachel his CV) Mike thought it'd be good to come and meet you.
RACHEL
(Looking at Tom's CV) I see you were traveling in Australia 5 years ago. I was there at that time…

Acted right, I think this could be quite amusing. Nice one

Would only work as a one off and couldn't become a series of sketches

Quote: Minty @ November 30 2009, 2:57 PM GMT

Acted right, I think this could be quite amusing. Nice one

Would only work as a one off and couldn't become a series of sketches

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Thanks buddy. I think with a really awkward mood at the beginning it could just work!

I also really liked this, greensville.

If I have two minor criticisms it would be that I probably would have found it funnier if, instead of laughing after Danielle leaves, Rachel just puffed her cheeks or fiddled about with something for a few seconds to more subtly convey her boredom before having the next person sent in; and maybe if 'Australia' was swapped for somewhere even more unlikely and obscure.

But, as ever, I'm just being picky! Good stuff.

I'm echoing Speckled Jim. Incorporating that would add to the comedy.

The only negative for me is that there seems to be a paradox. Although the alleged incident never occurred. The once "abused" boss is insisting that the bully uses a knickname that degrades the boss. In reality, with power switched, it wouldn't occur. The bully would be forced to degrade themselves not the ex-victim.

Yeah, that does make more sense.

A bit of a rewrite and that could really work.

Quote: SlagA @ December 1 2009, 1:26 PM GMT

I'm echoing Speckled Jim. Incorporating that would add to the comedy.

The only negative for me is that there seems to be a paradox. Although the alleged incident never occurred. The once "abused" boss is insisting that the bully uses a knickname that degrades the boss. In reality, with power switched, it wouldn't occur. The bully would be forced to degrade themselves not the ex-victim.

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Obviously Fat Tits... er, greensville, can speak for himself on this but, if I understand the point you're making, SlagA, the impression I got was that getting the "bully" to call her a terrible name was just a daft way of trying to make her feel guilty and see what she can get her to believe - toying with her for her own amusement in other words.

Yep, I wondered if that was the reasoning.

"maybe if 'Australia' was swapped for somewhere even more unlikely and obscure."

- Can I suggest Outokumpu in Finland as the obscure place?

I like this. Tend to agree with Jim's comments about the ending. the advantage of somewhere obscure is that it becomes even less unlikely that the interviewee would not remember her, so you get an escalation. Maybe working at an Antarctic research station...?

Oops somehow de-subscribed from this thread.

The 'Fat Tits' line is meant to be the boss seeing how far she can take it, I guess. The boss obviously knows she's making it all up and wants to see how much fun she can have at Danielle's expense. I, also, like the idea of Danielle saying 'Fat Tits' really reluctantly and meekly.

Re: showing her boredom once Danielle has left, I wanted to make it clear that she was lying and felt that her confessing and laughing with her off -screen co-conspiritor (too many hyphens!) was the quickest and clearest route. Maybe the tapping of a pencil and a whiney phone to Mike would be funnier actually.

Agreed about the obscure location. ('I see you were in your mothers womb 28 years ago..' No that's probably too much.)

The sketch is actually part of a sitcom/ sketch show I'm working on and the references are even more obscure. I changed it slightly to make more sense on its own.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Really appreciate it!

Quote: greensville @ December 2 2009, 8:41 PM GMT

Agreed about the obscure location. ('I see you were in your mothers womb 28 years ago..' No that's probably too much.)

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That obscure location is great.