Video Blog 3
I'm sorry, but anything that starts with "MY BEDROOM. I'M SITTING ON THE BED TALKING TO CAMERA." must be given a wide birth for me. Without the stirrups. Cheers.
I don't understand why you're writing these. Surely the best thing to do is to plan out what you want to say and then actually video them. Probably create much better results.
Quote: LIME5000 @ November 24 2009, 8:58 PM GMTa wide birth
LOLOLOL 
Thank you, Mr Malaprop.
I bet you could give a wide birth to a hippopotamus without any pain at all.
Quote: Chopz @ November 25 2009, 12:14 AM GMTI don't understand why you're writing these. Surely the best thing to do is to plan out what you want to say and then actually video them. Probably create much better results.
I don't understand what you mean, Chopz. Almost everything anybody posts in Critique is a written version of something that could be video'd, isn't it?
I think the idea is to get advice so writers can have the script in the best possible shape before videoing it.
I mean that something like this, video blogging is something done up and down the world by people without a consideration for writing. I think the advice you could get off this site is useless next to actually just recording the video blogs for real and watching them back - it'll give a better impression of what works, what looks ok written down but doesn't work when spoken etc.
Quote: Chopz @ November 25 2009, 10:01 AM GMTI mean that something like this, video blogging is something done up and down the world by people without a consideration for writing.
And this is a good thing? 
Quote: Claire de Lune @ November 24 2009, 8:20 PM GMTMY BEDROOM. I'M SITTING ON THE BED TALKING TO CAMERA.
Hello and toot sweet everyone and welcome to my bedroom blog again.
After my last transmission, I had very good feedback from someone called 'Le Evil' (which means 'very bad man' in French) but even though he's a bad man, he gave me good advice so he should really be called 'Le Bon' (which means 'half a toffee').
Cheers for the nod, but I don't think my advice was that good. 
Quote: Claire de Lune @ November 24 2009, 8:20 PM GMTMais, je suis digressing un peu so it's back to my life as seen through the eyes of me.
I've always been a writer, ever since I was a little girl. Whenever I wasn't playing hopscotch or rounders or trying to get out of the cellar, I'd be writing in my little note book.
I wrote all kinds of things at all hours of the day and night. When my mum and dad put me to bed at night, I'd pretend to be asleep until I heard them go to bed then I'd sit up, take my note book from under the pillow and I'd be writing and writing until I fell asleep, exhausted but chronicled.
Some nights, after mum and dad had gone to bed and I was writing, Uncle Gilbert would come into my room and say "That's enough writing for one day, Claire. Time to get your head down".
He was a nice man in many ways but he was always interrupting my writing so I wasn't too upset when the police took him away.
You'd have to have quite an engaging personality, voice and screen presence to talk that long, for a punchline like that. I'm not saying you haven't got "it", I don't know what you've got? But IMO it looks like a long piece, for something that is competing with other, much faster laughs on YouTube.
Quote: Claire de Lune @ November 24 2009, 8:20 PM GMTBut the best bit was that I got to do my very first piece to camera! A few months after they took Uncle Gilbert away, a car came for me and they put me in a little room in a great big building with a camera pointing at me and a voice would say 'Tell us about this' or 'Tell us about that' and I'd look into the camera and tell them all sorts of things. It was great. If I stopped taking cos I couldn't think of anything else, they'd say 'No need to be embarrassed' so I'd just make stuff up until the voice got embarrassed.
It was then that I knew I was destined to be on television – writing and performing and being interviewed and everything. I even bought a guitar so I could expand my repertoire. You've seen it in my previous blogs, I'm sure.
And sometimes, you know, when I'm here in my bedroom late at night, all alone, strumming away, my mind will sometimes drift back to Uncle Gilbert.
I wonder where he is now?
The same goes for this. The subject matter is a bit 
as well. I think you have to connect with your audience before you can perform this type of material and get away with it (by which I mean, not loose your audience).
My advice would be to pick a story or event in your "day". For example, a job interview. Instead of working towards a punchline, list all the things that could probably go wrong or you'd hate to happen during it. Think of as many as you can!
And then drop them into your story, packing it full with jokes and empathy, because everyone can relate to the horrors of job interviews or whatever you pick. I always try to write for the journey, not the destination (punchline).
Don't introduce yourself either, it implies you have an audience. Don't assume that yet. You're just someone recording their thoughts, hoping someone's listening. Or at least I imagine this is how your "blog" persona might work? Just an idea anyway.
You're making me want to write and record one, to see how "difficult" it is!
Anyway, best of luck!
Quote: Leevil @ November 25 2009, 1:58 PM GMTAnd this is a good thing?
Definitely not, but it's not a bad thing. It is mostly just a thing.
Mr Malaprop?
like malnourished walking stick?
Thanks for all the good advice in this thread and thanks to all the people who've sent private messages. Don't worry about not posting in public. As long as you like the blogs that's all that matters.