Anaesthetised

INT – OPERATING THEATRE

A SURGEON (DR. HOBBS), AND MEDICAL TEAM (ANOTHER DOCTOR AND AN ANAESTHETIST) ARE HUNCHED OVER THE BED.

THE SURGEON EMERGES AND STRAIGHTENS UP, REPLACING HIS TOOLS AND PULLING DOWN HIS MASK.

SURGEON:
That's it, chaps. Another unqualified success.
(THERE IS A COLLECTIVE SIGH OF RELIEF AND GRUNTS OF SATISFACTION. HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH).
Finished early again. Next isn't due for another hour.

IT GOES QUIET EXCEPT FOR THE NOISE Of MONITORING EQUIPMENT.

ANAESTHETIST:
Running early. He'll wake up in a bit.

MURMURS OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT FROM THE OTHERS.

SURGEON:
I'll just nip off to get some coffee.

HE EXITS.

FADE TO:

MORE SILENCE, PUNCTUATED BY HUMMING AND DRUMMING OF FINGERS.

DOCTOR (NUDGES ANAESTHETIST)
Do you think he's ticklish?

ANAESTHETIST:
Hmm?

DOCTOR:
Do you think he's ticklish? (REACHES OVER AND TICKLES THE PATIENT'S STOMACH). Coooeee! Coochie cooo!? Are you ticklish?! No? What about your feet?

FADE TO:
CLOSE UP OF PATIENT'S FACE. A FEATHER ENTERS THE SHOT AND GENTLY WIBBLES OVER HIS NOSE.

DOCTOR:
Boo!

FADE TO:

THE PATIENT'S FACE. Dr HOBBS' MASK COVERS IT SO ONLY HIS EYES ARE VISIBLE. A THICK MONOBROW HAS BEEN INKED ON, SIMILAR TO DR HOBBS'.

CAMERA PANS OUT.

DOCTOR IS NOW SITTING ASTRIDE THE PATIENT.

DOCTOR:
(IN A MOCKING SELF-ASSURED VOICE) I'm Doctor Hobbs. And today will be… an unqualified success.

THEY LAUGH, THEN STOP ABRUBTLY, LOOKING SHEEPISH.
DR HOBBS IS STANDING STERN-FACED IN THE DOORWAY, COFFEE IN HAND.

DR HOBBS:
I don't believe you guys.

DOCTOR:
I can explain…

DR. HOBBS:
Tickling him without me.

CUT TO:

DR HOBBS:
One…Two…Go

THEY SURGE FORWARD.

END

Not sure about this. There is an idea here, but I think it might work better if the focus was less split between having fun with the patient and mocking the surgeon. The ending to be honest is a bit weak.

Quote: Timbo @ November 22 2009, 3:36 PM GMT

Not sure about this. There is an idea here, but I think it might work better if the focus was less split between having fun with the patient and mocking the surgeon. The ending to be honest is a bit weak.

View original

You've hit on the problem I had with writing it, from the starting point of "what they do to you in the unremembered period when you're under" to actually deciding whatthe focus should be. Should probably rush less, just getting back to doing some writing.

Started again from another angle which may or may not improve things.

Sorry Rob, didn't do much for me and the punch is something we've seen many times before.

"Uh-oh, he's angry... oh, no wait, he's just as silly as them."

Well written, just not enough gags fly off the page. I'm sure you'd get a laugh from an audience with the punch, but like I said. It's been seen before.

I agree with Timbo & Leevil, Rob0.

Oh, and Leevil, your:

"Uh-oh, he's angry... oh, no wait, he's just as silly as them."

Very Pythonesque!

"And now for something completely different."

Quote: Leevil @ November 24 2009, 4:00 PM GMT

"And now for something completely different."

View original

--- Mikey J has a sitcom commissioned by the BBC.

Thanks for the feedback and being honest, all. Just thought it might be funny to do a "what the doctors do to you when you're under." Anyway, think I won't revive this one.

I actually quite enjoyed it, probably agree with the critique but feel that there are legs here. Perhaps instead of tickling him one turns to the other and says:

Shall we swap his ears over?

or something better