To the ends of the earth

EXT. NORTH POLE.

THREE EXPLORERS ARE MANHAULING A SLED. SUDDENLY THEY STOP, AND THE LEADER BEGINS PUNCHING THE AIR AND DANCING A LITTLE JIG.

LEADER
Yessss! You beauty! Come to Daddy! We've done it boys, we've only f**king well f**king done it! The first bloody men to walk all the f**king way from the South Pole to the c**ting North Pole. Wahoo! Go us!

THE FIRST OF HIS COMPANIONS SHAKES HIM BY THE HAND.

FIRST COMPANION
You must be very proud, sir.

LEADER
Oh, what's the bloody point? The only reason we're the first is because no-one else would put such godawful effort into something so bloody futile. I'm such a total failure.

FIRST COMPANION
But sir..

THE SECOND COMPANION, PUTS HIS ARM AROUND THE FIRST COMPANION'S SHOULDER AND LEADS HIM AWAY.

SECOND COMPANION
Don't.

FIRST COMPANION
But I don't understand...

LEADER
(JUMPING UP AND DOWN) Hey lads - what do you say we carry on, all the way back to the South Pole, three hundred sixty degrees??!! Come on!!

SECOND COMPANION
It's okay. He's a bipolar explorer.

LEADER
(HEAD IN HANDS) Oh God, I've wasted my life.

END.

Class.

Loved the bi-polar punchline - made me laugh straight away (usually have to think about these things)

Yeah, spot on Timbo. I was just wondering where it was going and then the punchline came at exactly the right time.

Like it Timbo, although not sure you really need all the swearing in the first line.

Cheers. I am normally a bit sniffy about pun based sketches, but in this case the idea appealed to me.

The swearing was intended to indicate the explorer's boundary transgressing mindstate, but I would probably need to tone it down if ever I was to find a market for the sketch.

I agree. I really like it, but the swearing detracts from it slightly. And I like swearing.

Nice one, Timbo.

I wasn't sure about the punchline at first as I didn't expect it and didn't feel that it fit with the rest.

On rereading though, I thought it was very good.

*note to self, must read things at least twice before commenting

me likey. I don't normally like pun-based sketches either but this one worked for me.

Maybe you could try ending on him being happy? Just running past in the background laughing after the punchline's been said.

Quote: Timbo @ November 24 2009, 2:01 PM GMT

I am normally a bit sniffy about pun based sketches

View original

You shouldn't be. You're very good at them...

Quote: Timbo @ April 23 2009, 2:54 PM GMT

INT. WILD WEST SALOON.

THE TOMBSTONE KID IS LEANING NONCHALANTLY AGAINST THE BAR, HIS HAT SLOUCHED DOWN OVER HIS EYES, WITH A CIGAR IN HIS MOUTH, A SHOT GLASS IN HIS HAND AND A BOTTLE IN FRONT OF HIM.

A STRANGER IN A BLACK HAT ENTERS, HIS PISTOL HUNG LOW ON HIS HIP. HE IS NERVOUS AND TWITCHY.

STRANGER
Hey you.

THE KID DOES NOT REACT.

STRANGER
I said you.

THE KID FIXES THE STRANGER WITH AN ICY STARE.

STRANGER
Are you the one they call the Tombstone Kid?

THE KID DRAINS HIS GLASS.

STRANGER
They say you're fast. Real fast.

THE KID
That's what they say.

THE KID STUBS OUT HIS CIGAR.

THE STRANGER GULPS, AND THEN IN ONE FLUID MOVEMENT DRAWS HIS GUN, LEVELLING IT AND COCKING IT BACK. HIS EYES WIDEN AND HE DOES NOT FIRE.

THE SALOON DOORS ARE SWINGING AND THERE IS NO SIGN OF THE KID.

END.

View original

Cheers for the kind words. If the sketch works I think it is because it is possible to get some comic mileage out of the moodswings themselves, rather than the sketch relying totally on the pun. I might tone down the swearing and see if I can find a market.

Quote: Timbo @ November 26 2009, 9:58 PM GMT

I might tone down the swearing and see if I can find a market.

View original

Agreed. That was the only fly in a great sketch.