INT. AN OFFICE. THE GODS; APOLLO, NEPTUNE, AND VISHNU ARE CHATTING. A MAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT ENTERS THE ROOM AND APPROACHES THEM.
MAN:
Hello gentlemen, sorry, Gods. Thanks for coming.
THE GROUP QUIETEN DOWN AND FACE THE MAN.
MAN:
I just wanted to preface this by saying that, as a species, we've really appreciate everything you've done for us here on earth.
VISHNU:
Here we go.
MAN:
Yes thank you, Vishnu. Now, as you know, there's been a lot of sacrificing, battling, toasting and feasting and celebrating, and so forth. So we decided to downsize.
VISHNU: (TO APOLLO AND NEPTUNE.)
I told you.
MAN GIVES VISHNU A HARD STARE
MAN:
Do you think I want to stand here and do this Vishnu? Do you think I enjoy this part of the job?
VISHNU LOOKS DOWN SHEEPISHLY AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.
VISHNU:
No Mankind
MAN:
No Mankind. Exactly. Right. I'm very sorry but we've no choice. You can see out the month, of course, you'll get any overtime that you're owed. Plus you'll retain the status of legend, Maybe slip to a myth, depends really. They can blend. There is also a slim chance that some of you may just become a kind of "other God", so good news there.
APOLLO:
Even the Eros stuff?
MAN:
Yes Apollo. Even the Eros stuff
(NEPTUNE BEGINS TO RAISE HIS HAND)
And yes Neptune, you'll get the planet name bonus.
(HE LOWERS IT AGAIN)
VISHNU:
What am I going to do with four arms now?
NEPTUNE:
Puppetry?
APOLLO AND NEPTUNE CHUCKLE. VISHNU LOOKS ANGRILY AT THEM.
MAN:
If you put as much effort into harmony as you do picking on each other the world would be a better place. Now. On that note, I want to introduce the supreme being that will be replacing you from now on.
THE MAN GESTURES TO THE DOOR.
MAN:
Everybody, this is God.
GOD STRIDES INTO THE ROOM FOLLOWED BY A MAN WITH A BEARD IN ROBES (MOSES).
GOD:
God, King of Kings, The Light. But God's fine.
NEPTUNE:
He's still dry behind the ears! He doesn't know a thing about the ocean. There could be a flood.
GOD: (DRAMATICALLY)
And lo. Drinking seawater to maintain hydration is counterproductive.
MOSES BEGINS TO WRITE ON A PARCHMENT.
GOD:
Actually I think that's more a rock one don't you?
MOSES PUTS DOWN HIS QUILL AND PICKS UP A CHISEL.
GOD:
Haha, Gotchya again Mosey baby. Stick it on the cheap stuff, I was right the first time...
GOD WINKS AT THE OTHER GODS.
...Of course.
MAN:
He'll just be taking over a few departments at first, see how Christmas goes,
Nice idea by the way there God. One of yours?
GOD NODS:
And then, in the new year if all goes well, we can look forward to ushering in a new age of goodwill and harmony, and definitely not do anything aggressive here on earth as it is, er, as it is, as it..
GOD:
(CUTTING IN) as it is in Heaven. Thank you Mankind.
MAN:
No, thank you God.
END.
