The Moon and the Earth

Apologies to all regulars for the length of post, this is the first sketch I've posted here and I'd be grateful for your feedback (please feel free to be as brutal as necessary - I'm guessing I'm pretty wide of the mark) - many thanks.

The Moon and the Earth - Part I
(Two guys in big planet costumes)

Characters:
The Earth (Allan) is large, static and rather old, but kindly. Much like a Brian Blessed type character. Keeps a watchful if weary eye on the moon.

The Moon (no particular name) is smaller, younger and child-like and a bundle of energy. Full of youthful exuberance. Moon has a small US flag stuck in him.

Introduction:
Scene opens with the Earth and the Moon on their day-to-day routine. The Earth sits motionless, bored and daydreaming. The smaller moon runs manically around him in circles repetitively, much like a hyper active toddler imitating a spitfire.
After several orbits, the moon comes to a stop, somewhat out of breath.

THE MOON (out of breath):
Allan…I've been thinking…

ALLAN:
Hmmm?

THE MOON:
I've been thinking…this whole orbiting thing…Do you think this is really necessary anymore?

ALLAN:
Necessary?

THE MOON:
Well yes, I mean for the first 40 million years or so it was quite fun, but lately it all seems a little…samey?

ALLAN (slightly cross):
Samey?!

THE MOON:
Yes, samey. You know, round and round, every day every night, round and round. I feel like I'm just going in circles sometimes. Do you think maybe we could…. shake things up a little?

ALLAN:
Shake things up a little?! Moon! You're the Moon. That's what you do – you orbit…

THE MOON (interrupting):
I know, I know…but I could be so much more, I want to run and play and sing and…….and……..dance!

ALLAN (now very cross):
Dance?!! You mean…… dance… like Michael Flatley?

THE MOON(starting to excitedly do an Irish jig):
Yes! Michael Flatley and Pans People and Ginger Rogers. I want to trip the light fantastic and do pirouettes and..

ALLAN (blankly):
Moon, stop dancing.

The Moon continues to dance clumsily.

ALLAN (sternly):
Moon!

The Moon stops and looks crestfallen.

ALLAN (patiently but firmly):
Moon. Do you have any idea what would happen if you stopped orbiting and danced instead?

Moon shakes his head sullenly.

ALLAN (sympathetically):
Tides would stop, the weather would go haywire, ice caps would melt. It would be a catastrophe. If the Moon doesn't orbit then I'm afraid we'd be in a terrible mess.

The Moon trudges off to continue going round in circles again, sulkily.

ALLAN:
That's a good Moon. And take that stupid flag out.

This is a perfect sketch for a younger audience - that last line made me laugh. I think CBBC are accepting sketch ideas at the minute, but I'm not sure. Might be best to go check out the 'Writing Opportunities' forum.

I enjoyed this one.
A nice idea.

This is pretty funny. The flag line is really nice and the idea is a good one for sure. I'd be tempted to think of a funnier way to talk about the effects of a dancing moon on the earth rather than just the facts, but it's not far off being a goodun. good work.

This is the best sketch about the moon and Earth I've ever read.
Very cute, take that as a compliment! I enjoyed it from the beginning, the minute I read the character breakdowns. Oh, and welcome to the BCG!

This was nice. Punch was OK, I'm sure there's a better line out there. But it was likable and works well enough.

Welcome, and post more.

Technical point, the moon goes round the Earth once every 28 days (approx) so perhaps "every day every night" should be "month after month".

Otherwise GREAT..

Well that went down 10x better than expected, many thanks for your comments, I agree punchline is lacking. But the encouragement is great and makes it worth having another stab, thanks.

Quote: JJCrowley @ November 22 2009, 5:45 PM GMT

This is a perfect sketch for a younger audience - that last line made me laugh. I think CBBC are accepting sketch ideas at the minute, but I'm not sure. Might be best to go check out the 'Writing Opportunities' forum.

View original

Wasn't aimed at younger audience, but God you're right it certainly looks that way reading it back.

Quote: billwill @ November 23 2009, 1:58 PM GMT

Technical point, the moon goes round the Earth once every 28 days (approx) so perhaps "every day every night" should be "month after month".

Otherwise GREAT..

View original

Well I never knew that (bloomin' wikipedia!). Thanks.

Like this a lot. Quite sweet. For what it's worth, in my head the animation would have a nice little effect of Earth's face/tides being distorted as the moon goes round in his exuberance.

Animation would definitely be the way to go with this, and as Rob says there would be some fun to be had with tides and such.

I liked the flag line and it is a good one to end on.

Certainly written with 'rubbish costumes' in mind, kind of like a home-made fancy dress type effort.
But it had not even occurred to me about writing for animation, it makes a lot of sense, thanks.

Ahh, I presumed animation, just the way I visualised it. Probably much simpler just to do it with costumes (and could also do on stage if you wanted), and actually adds to the sweet charm I'd think.

I much prefer the concept as a stage one. Animation would make it too real (strangely enough) and it would lose its charm.

Costumes all the way. IMHO

Quote: scratchyr @ November 23 2009, 10:37 PM GMT

Costumes all the way. IMHO

View original

I concur.