Paradise Mislaid

I wrote this for the Skit Comp. It tanked (against admirable competition); but I had fun writing it, so I was curious as to what others thought. Is this one of those sketches that only I think is funny?

For radio:

SCENE 1

GOD: So Adam, settling in?

Adam: Oh terrific. Existing rocks, doesn't it?

GOD: Glad you like it. Now the Garden of Eden…

ADAM:Tending it like you told me.

GOD: Only I couldn't help noticing a few weeds.

ADAM: I'm not much for gardening to be honest. I was thinking maybe I could tarmac over; perhaps a bit of decking, a few containers.

GOD: I think not. Perhaps if you were to just rake up a few of the leaves…

ADAM: See the thing is I've had my work cut out, what with naming the fowls of the air and the beasts of the field.

GOD: How is that coming along?

ADAM: Oh, piece of piss – to start with. Pig, dog, cat, mouse, gnu. Nothing to it. But, and no criticism intended – you did get a bit carried away, didn't you?

GOD: You know how it is with us creative types.

ADAM: But three hundred and fifty thousand species of beetle? Come on!

GOD: I was on a roll.

ADAM: Take this one. The ladybird.

GOD; Nice name. Imaginative.

ADAM: Or to be more precise the two spotted ladybird. Not be confused with the four spotted ladybird, or the five-spotted or… or the twenty-two spotted. After that I got fed up counting spots; and as for the remaining three hundred and forty five thousand with no distinguishing marks whatever…

GOD: Okay, well maybe you can take a break before starting on the bacteria. So was there anything else?

ADAM: Well since you ask…

GOD: Yes?

ADAM: It's this thing… between my…

GOD: Oh my.

ADAM: Is it supposed to do that? Only I almost had the gnu's eye out.

GOD: I built in the functionality, but I wasn't anticipating… Does anything in particular bring it on?

ADAM: Apart from the gnu?

GOD: That doesn't sound healthy. Hang on a tick…

ADAM: Ow… that was my rib!

GOD: Sorry, I'm out of parts.

EVE: Hi.

GOD: Hi yourself!

EVE: Is that supposed to do that?

GOD: Ahem. I'll just be running along – oh, and don't forget to tell Eve here about the apples.

EVE: Apples?

ADAM: I'll fill you in after I… (WHISPERS)

EVE: (GIGGLES, THEN CREEPED OUT) What's that gnu looking at me like that for?

FADE.

SCENE 2.

GOD: Adam, Eve.

ADAM: Yes, guv?

EVE: Oh hi.

GOD: I couldn't help noticing that you are wearing fig leaves over your, ahem…

EVE: Does it make my bum look big? Perhaps sycamore - no oak…

GOD: And that you have built a cider press.

ADAM: Hic! Now I know what you're thinking… And you're right, it is all the bitch's fault…

EVE: Now hang on, if I hadn't listened to that bloody…

FADE.

SCENE 3.

GOD: So, Genesis chapter three verse one - are you getting this Moses?

MOSES:How do you spell "gnu"?

GOD: No, you're right – say it was the serpent.

END.

I like the sketch, lot's of funny lines and the gnu is a good callback.
I think there are perhaps a few different ideas jostling for position.
Up to "Well since you ask" is a sketch on it's own.

I'd have loved to see Adam denying that they'd been near the apple tree, despite becoming evidently more & more decadent.
And God wondering why they had a Cider press, or Adam swearing his innocence & then offering God a crate of Strongbow.

Amongst that waffle, I think I'm trying to say that there's a few sketches in there and it might bebefit from a focus of direction.
Or something like that.

I really like this - nothing to add other than it made me laugh.

Cheers guys - see what you mean Steve about the start not bearing much relation to the rest of the sketch. I might try to rework it as a runner.

I read this in the comp and liked it a lot, the Gnu stuff was my favourite, I really liked that. Think Steve is right in that it does waver form on idea to another. Both of which are good ideas. Funny

Timbo, you never disappoint. Some great lines throughout. Felt more like a possible opener to a short film because so much was going on.

I've always liked the subject of Adam & Eve. It has lots of room to play with and it always fun. This sketch had some good lines, and ideas. The "gnu" bit was great. Somethings not working with the EVE introduction though, but maybe that's just me?

Cheers guys! Looks like it's a keeper - I might play about with it a bit though. Wasn't sure about the gnu, so pleased that seems to have gone down well.

I thought it was fun, packed full of nice lines and was funny. You clearly have lots of (good) ideas on this

Hi Timbo,

Really liked it in the comp and still like it. Just maybe starts to rush a bit at the end as you go from one scene to the other. But defo a keeper.