Quote: Roodeye @ November 21 2009, 3:01 PM GMTThe cashier bit is an excellent opening - it's truly funny in the same way your 'Wizard' sketch was.
To remove it would be a big mistake (imho).
Agreed. Keep it seemingly mundane at the beginning. To have to spell out the true nature of the setting is underestimating the audience, who will have no problems catching on to what is going on.
Quote: Tim Walker @ November 21 2009, 3:03 PM GMTAgreed. Keep it seemingly mundane at the beginning. To have to spell out the true nature of the setting is underestimating the audience, who will have no problems catching on to what is going on.
But who is the voice and whom is the voice addressing?
It's just one of those fuzzy, broken sounding Tannoy speakers you find at the post office. Well, what us commoners find at our post offices. 
Great sketch scratchyr 
Quote: Leevil @ November 21 2009, 3:35 PM GMTIt's just one of those fuzzy, broken sounding Tannoy speakers you find at the post office. Well, what us commoners find at our post offices.
That is correct.
Cool that's good, I get a post office connection and making contact I guess, it was just banks had me confused. 
Bit of stage directions then.
The opening did throw me, as like Marc I did not automatically think post office, but it is a brilliant sketch.
scratch, how about adapting the ending referencing further 'post office analogueies'?
i.e. "you'll need to go over there and join the poltergeist queue for further assistance".
(I know I'm no good at punchlines - just throwing it out there)
Fabulous idea. I really like the execution too. As mentioned earlier I think the big laugh will always be the recognition. The punchline may always end up subordinate to that.
In respect of the ending, the only alternative I could think of would be the man saying something like:
"Oh hugger! No. Swear word. Begins with B. Or F..."
Thanks for all the good suggestions. I don't think I want to add a spirit guide, or any other elements, as the intention was to have the actual dead person saying what the medium says to highlight how unbelievable it all is. I think if I can tweak the ending (via some more research) then I'll be happy.
I loved the sketch and I think the ending works perfectly well. This would be great on radio. The only slight qualm I have (like a couple of others) is with the cashier opening. I wonder if it wrong-foots the listener too much? Maybe you could keep the cashier banality but add a tiny bit of dialogue along the lines Marc P suggested to help us listeners work out where we are. You don't want to waste half the sketch having people trying to work out what it's about.
Quote: Badge @ November 22 2009, 8:58 PM GMT... Maybe you could keep the cashier banality but add a tiny bit of dialogue along the lines Marc P suggested to help us listeners work out where we are...
I was hoping this could work for radio too. Do you think It would work if the there was just some kind of "post office" sound effect like things being stamped and general many people talking sounds (excuse the technical jargon I'm not sure of the proper terms).
Quote: scratchyr @ November 22 2009, 9:24 PM GMTI was hoping this could work for radio too. Do you think It would work if the there was just some kind of "post office" sound effect like things being stamped and general many people talking sounds (excuse the technical jargon I'm not sure of the proper terms).
Sorry, as it was written I absolutely thought this was a radio sketch.
Hi Scratchyr.
I thought this was a brilliant idea, and a really nice sketch.
I wonder if it would work with the receptionist/cashier being the vague one, despite being given specific information by the man.
Aned he would get more annoyed as he tried to explain the need for the Information to be precise, otherwise no'one will believe it.
Then again it's better as it is anwyay.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 23 2009, 1:09 PM GMTHi Scratchyr.
I thought this was a brilliant idea, and a really nice sketch.I wonder if it would work with the receptionist/cashier being the vague one, despite being given specific information by the man.
Aned he would get more annoyed as he tried to explain the need for the Information to be precise, otherwise no'one will believe it.Then again it's better as it is anwyay.
Thanks Steve but are you just trying to confuse me?