Nice idea Scratchyr! I'd say watch some seance clips off YouTube and work out what 'the other side' would be saying during the discourse and write some more/alternatives. So when the medium is speaking on the dead's behalf maybe there could be a breakdown in communication between them. Basically like Kevin said this sketch is all about what the dead person, unheard in the seance, is actually trying to say. I hope you understand what I mean, I feel like I'm talking gibberish.
Tim. That's nice, really like it. Thanks for going out of your way. You are
a nice man.
Kevin. I See what you mean, the last couple of lines are a bit weak compared to the beginning, I need to sleep on this one I think.
Thanks again to all for the good feedback and general helpfulness.
that's all I can say
Strong sketch. (Was being a bit slow when I first read it). Great seeing the medium sketch from the other side.
This is a great sketch.
But would agree with the thoughts about the punchline.
Good job!
Very
I think the cashier bit at the beginning seems a bit confusing mind.
As I say, it's funny.
If you want to make it a lot funnier, I'd say that, subject to a bit of polishing, the sketch is fine up to and including:
WOMAN:
Ok and what is your message? Would you like to tell her about the afterlife, the infinite peace, the light of joy that now powers your very soul? The sensation of at once knowing all that has been done and all that will be done?
but from that point, your foot comes right off the comedy gas and everything that follows is 'weak' compared to its former strength.
The 'right' ending might be along the lines of:
WOMAN:
Would you like to tell her [INSERT VARIOUS IMPORTANT AND FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE]?
MAN:
Tell her there's 10p down the back of the sofa.
ENDS
That final line scores the knockout punch. As the sketch stands, you build up an unassailable lead on points before getting on your bike and coasting the last few rounds.
I like the ending as it is, as it continues the inversion that is at the heart of the script and pays it off nicely.
Quote: Roodeye @ November 21 2009, 12:51 PM GMTThe 'right' ending might be along the lines of:
WOMAN:
Would you like to tell her [INSERT VARIOUS IMPORTANT AND FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE]?MAN:
Tell her there's 10p down the back of the sofa.
that's a cracker
I agree the ending needs working on. Roodeye. Your ending is very funny but for me is too exact to be used by a medium.
I used the lines about old photos etc because this is a common ruse used my stage mediums.
The angle I wanted to play on was the fact that I'm always staggered that the messages from the "other side" are so banal and uninteresting and very very vague, with medium usually changing his subject matter until it fits.
As always I really appreciate all the feedback and goodwill. Joining this site has been one of the best decisions I've made.
Interesting, original, requires the audience to think, exposes absurdity, funny and no mention of Robbie Williams. In short, all things I like. Excellent.
Quote: Marc P @ November 21 2009, 12:44 PM GMTI think the cashier bit at the beginning seems a bit confusing mind.
This is true. In my imagination I see the dead waiting at a bank like counter service. I couldn't think of an appropriate replacement for cashier. Although the sketch probably does not need it.
You could just start with something like.
MAN: I undestand you are the angel responsible for making contact with the living?
ANGEL: Yes that's right... for my sins.
MAN: Well I have only just passed across etc etc.
The cashier bit is an excellent opening - it's truly funny in the same way your 'Wizard' sketch was.
To remove it would be a big mistake (imho).
Mediums always refer to a "Spirit Guide", a link between the two worlds. This could be the name of the 'Woman'?
I absolutely love your idea of the man giving spurious bits of information. But to make it more authentic, maybe you could switch it around and have the "Spirit Guide" purposely getting it wrong, like she's trying to get fired or something along those lines?
But until and if you can think of any reason she'd do that, I'd stick with the original way and just change her name to 'Spirit Guide'.