British Comedy Guide

Contacting The Living

SFX: BUZZER SOUND

VOICE:
Cashier number three please.

WOMAN:
Good morning. How can I help you today?

MAN:
Hi, I've just recently died and wanted to contact someone in the world of the living.

WOMAN:
Certainly, I just need to take a few details and then we can get started.

MAN:
Ok.

WOMAN:
Name?

MAN:
Michael.

WOMAN:
Michael.

MAN:
or a Malcolm, or maybe a Matthew...Something beginning with M.

WOMAN:
Ok

MAN;
Or an N....or an L or an F, definitely a man's name.

WOMAN:
And who do you wish to contact?

MAN:
My Granddaughter.

WOMAN:
That's nice.

MAN:
Well I say Granddaughter, Could also be someone that felt like a Granddaughter, someone very close.

WOMAN:
Ok and what is your message? Would you like to tell her about the afterlife, the infinite peace, the light of joy that now powers your very soul? The sensation of at once knowing all that has been done and all that will be done?

MAN:
To be honest I was thinking more along the lines of some stuff about some old photos or how I never liked that picture of a dog in the hallway. Might not be a picture though, could be a dog, but not in a hallway. Might feel like a hallway though.

WOMAN:
Ok I'm just entering all your information now and then we'll get a confirmation.

MAN:
Thanks

WOMAN:
Ah. It seems to have not gone through. It says that the energy is blocked on the side of the living.

MAN:
Oh. (beat) Some people are so narrow minded.

END.

Laughing out loud
Good, very very good.

I agree. This is a really fantastic idea.

I had one big out-loud laugh at "Or a Malcolm, or maybe a Matthew...Something beginning with M."

I think you could do more with it. Not sure what.

But, as an idea, I reckon this is potentially as strong as the "Homeopathic Casualty" sketch in the last series of Mitchell & Webb.

Yes, it's funny.

Mediums are a highly suitable case for comedy treatment.

Laughing out loud It took a second for the penny to drop :$ Very good!

Great idea. Lovely. Maybe needs a tiny bit of a polish. I love the punchline, but just wonder if it can be improved slightly? (Not that I have a better idea at the moment. I would suggest making it clear that there is a "beat" before the punchline?) :)

EDIT: The dialogue is excellent, by the way. Can really hear this.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ November 20 2009, 11:02 PM GMT

I think you could do more with it. Not sure what.

Thanks Kevin. I had a few more ideas but I'm really trying to practice restraint. I will be adding to it though.

Quote: Tim Walker @ November 20 2009, 11:07 PM GMT

I would suggest making it clear that there is a "beat" before the punchline?) :)

In my ignorance I am not sure what this means. Or how to go about it. Huh?

Agree about the punchline. More of a place holder at the moment.

He means "wank" the dirty bastard.

A beat is a pause in the dialogue. Normally used for comic or dramatic effect.

Quote: Leevil @ November 20 2009, 11:11 PM GMT

He means "wank" the dirty bastard.

No worries.

Done it.

Quote: scratchyr @ November 20 2009, 11:09 PM GMT

In my ignorance I am not sure what this means. Or how to go about it. Huh?

Just a written signal that indicates a timed pause before the punchline - that the line doesn't simply follow straight on from the previous one. It sometimes avoids the reader missing the gist when they first read it. It's a shorthand for "comedy timing" effectively...

WOMAN:
Ah. It seems to have not gone through. It says that the energy is blocked on the side of the living.

MAN:
Oh. (BEAT.) Some people can be so narrow minded, can't they?

(Taken the liberty of suggesting an amendment. ;))

Quote: Roodeye @ November 20 2009, 11:05 PM GMT

Yes, it's funny.

Mediums are a highly suitable case for comedy treatment.

And legal action IMO.

Quote: Tim Walker @ November 20 2009, 11:13 PM GMT

Just a written signal that a pause to time the punchline is there, and that the line doesn't simply follow straight on from the previous conversation. It sometimes avoids the reader missing the point when they first read it.

WOMAN:
Ah. It seems to have not gone through. It says that the energy is blocked on the side of the living.

MAN:
Oh. (BEAT.) Some people can be so narrow minded, can't they?

(Taken the liberty of suggesting an amendment. ;))

Always glad of suggestions. I have now done this. Cheers Tim

Don't get side-tracked by the BEAT. The punchline isn't great, but I don't think the lack of the cue is the problem.

The sketch is basically the "other side" of a converstation that a medium makes up on stage. The punchline should somehow play off the excuses that said medium makes when he's floundering. You've done that already, but maybe it could be stronger. If I had an idea, I'd share it, but I don't.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ November 20 2009, 11:19 PM GMT

The sketch is basically the "other side" of a converstation that a medium makes up on stage. The punchline should somehow play off the excuses that said medium makes when he's floundering. You've done that already, but maybe it could be stronger. If I had an idea, I'd share it, but I don't.

I suppose the blocked energy line would be the final excuse a medium would give on stage and then they'd move on. Maybe make this the punchline?

Quote: scratchyr @ November 20 2009, 9:23 PM GMT

WOMAN:
Oh. It seems to have not gone through. Says that the energy is blocked on other side.

MAN:
What? Not again. Well do they say why?

WOMAN:
Skeptics, apparently.

MAN:
I don't believe it.

WOMAN:
Don't shoot the messenger, love, I'm only telling you what the living are telling me.

END.

Alternative ending? Best I can come up with at this time of day, sorry.

Quote: scratchyr @ November 20 2009, 11:25 PM GMT

I suppose the blocked energy line would be the final excuse a medium would give on stage and then they'd move on. Maybe make this the punchline?

What's cool about this sketch is that, once you get it, it's totally recognisable. Everybody's seen mediums grasping at straws when their cold-reading goes astray.

Reading it, I got my big LOL the moment I figured out where you were coming from. Every subsequent reference to the basic idea is at least a smile.

But right now the punchline (meaning the last two lines of dialogue) doesn't seem to be as instantly recognisable (to me at least) as the set-up.

I get it, but it doesn't seem as strong as the "beginning with an M" bit, if that makes sense.

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