On the first day of Christmas my True love gave to me..
If you're happy & you know it...
The 3D movie was very impressive..
8 Pints of lager, two joints & a line of cocaine...
I used to be depressed but...
My motto has always been..
The average Human produces nearly a pint and a half of sweat in any 24 hour period..
There is one way to make a man happy...
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be...
Forget Glastonbury, the best festival I ever went to was...
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 16 2009, 8:38 PM BSTOn the first day of Christmas my True love gave to me.. chlamydia.
If you're happy & you know it... take more pills.
8 Pints of lager, two joints & a line of cocaine... Gately's last supper.
I used to be depressed but... then I got these pills.
My motto has always been.. choose your words caerphilly.
The average Human produces nearly a pint and a half of sweat in any 24 hour period.. where Fosters get the rest from is just taking the piss.
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be... I gonna be the man who's sneaking out the backdoor naked 'cause, in the light of day, your rough as old boots.
Forget Glastonbury, the best festival I ever went to was... Glastonbury.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
...A Partridge. Just a Partridge. Hadn't a f**king clue what to do with it.
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be...
...running for the door as I'm sure you said 'it's late and I have homework to do'.
If you're happy and you know it...
..you've got the clap (clap, clap)
The 3D movie was very impressive... but I thought they pushed the boundaries just that bit too far with the money shot.
8 Pints of lager, two joints & a line of cocaine... I'm sorry Miss Nickson, but I think we might need to tweak the title a little.
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be...
...running for the door as I'm sure you said 'it's late and I have homework to do'.
Quote: Timbo @ October 16 2009, 9:34 PM BSTThe 3D movie was very impressive... but I thought they pushed the boundaries just that bit too far with the money shot.
8 Pints of lager, two joints & a line of cocaine... I'm sorry Miss Nickson, but I think we might need to tweak the title a little.
They did make me laugh.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 16 2009, 8:38 PM BSTThe 3D movie was very impressive...and I thought it remained faithful to the original pop-up.
8 Pints of lager, two joints & a line of cocaine...and I still failed my driving test.
My motto has always been...if it's got blades on it, don't f**k it.
Forget Glastonbury, the best festival I ever went to was...that other one, what's it called?
Scientific studies have revealed that bees can remember human faces for up to two days...
The X Factor used to be good when...
If you really want to be the best...
And through it all, she offers me ....
I knew it was Christamas, but how was I to know...
The average human will expel 14,728 litres of gas in a lifetime...
I am is the shortest sentence in the english language...
The collective term for a group of _____ is a ________
And through it all, she offers me erections. (This is the real lyric by the way)
I knew it was Christamas, but how was I to know it was spelt like that? 
The average human will expel 14,728 litres of gas in a lifetime, yet they say there's a petrol crisis.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 19 2009, 2:02 AM GMTScientific studies have revealed that bees can remember human faces for up to two days...
but they remember asses forever.
"I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language. Why?
Quote: Tim Walker @ November 19 2009, 2:09 AM GMT"I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language. Why?
That's what I thought!
I do source some, if not all of these from the Nuts magazine 'fact page' by the way.
So they may not all stand up to scrutiny.
Quote: AndreaLynne @ November 19 2009, 2:08 AM GMTbut they remember asses forever.
Sat on a nest once. Now they all mock me.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 19 2009, 2:02 AM GMTAnd through it all, she offers me ....
A leg up, otherwise I'd never get over the fence.