Henchman Interview Sketch

EVIL GENIUS
"Aaah so Mr...erm...Jaws, come in, welcome to Enormously Villianous Industries Ltd, Fiendish Plots Division. Do sit down…NO! Not in that chair, that's…erm…for our more, how shall I put it, 'troublesome' clients. So you're applying for our recent vacancy for an ERM?"

HENCHMAN
"Sorry?"

EVIL GENIUS
"ERM"

HENCHMAN
"ERM?"

EVIL GENIUS
"Yes, E R M, Evil Righthand Man?"

HENCHMAN
"Of course. Yes"

EVIL GENIUS
"Well Mr Jaws, you come highly recommended by our team of Headhunters"

*Shuffles paperwork*

EVIL GENIUS
"Well looking at your CV I can see that you've had a very successful career in death and destruction. 5 years as the top field operative at SPECTRE, where you held the organisational record for maimings and dismemberments. Oooh and you were "Henchman of the Month" 16 times, very good. You left on good terms after a slightly violent change of leadership. Then you moved to Drax Industries and were instrumental in the impressive although ultimately illfated 'Moonraker' project, where you were one of the few survivors. Your work history then goes a little sketchy, can you tell me a little about what you've been doing for the last few years?"

HENCHMAN
"Yes I took some time off to find myself. Did a bit of freelance henching as I travelled around South East Asia. I particularly enjoyed myself doing some Governmental volunteer work in Burma."

EVIL GENIUS
"Splendid, here at E.V.I.L we do like to employ minions who are rounded individuals, so Mr Jaws, what would you say were your biggest strengths?"

HENCHMAN
"Well I'm 8ft tall, superhumanly strong and have metal teeth that can bite through almost any substance known to man...oh and I'm fully trained on Excel"

EVIL GENIUS
"And any weaknesses?"

HENCHMAN
"Erm…well sometimes I can be a perfectionist and have an almost unstoppable drive to pursue my goals no matter what the cost but I don't think you'd call that a weakness. Oh…not sure if it's important but I am allergic to cats."

*Sound of cat purring/miaowing as EVIL strokes it under the desk*

EVIL GENIUS (obviously displeased with the previous answer)
"Aah well Mr Jaws, thank you very much for coming in, we'll let you know"

*Buzzes intercom*

EVIL GENIUS
"Miss Lotakok could you send in Mr Oddjob please."

Nice one.

There's was a spate of Bond sketches on here a while back - we should put them all together.

The ending could maybe be stronger? How about Jaws being bumped off ;
"if you'd just stand over that trapdoor to the shark infested pool" or something and/or maybe there could be a off screen joje with Oddjob and his hat (he kills the recpetionist when he passes it to her or something.)

I enjoyed this. I thought perhaps it could be tighter, but with the right performances the leisurely pace might work. Not sure I would keep the ERM exchange, and I would suggest perhaps breaking up the long recap of the resume by giving Jaws some lines clarifying points.

There is no visual element, so it is suitable for radio – always a plus.

Cheers for the feedback, it's a sketch I've had kicking around for a while and was part of a series of Bond themed ones that I knocked up for something that never got off the ground.

If I can find any of the others I'll post them up too.

I liked it but wanted a punchline at the end.
I know the cat allergy was it, but I thought the final two lines weakened it.
Maybe it could've ended on him saying he was allergic to cats.
Or even a quick trapdoor sending Jaws through it with a sneeze as he drops and a quick, "Next"!