Perkin Warbeck

September 1497 Greenwich Palace, London.

Henry Tudor, King of England, is attending to matters of State. The general of the King's army, Lord Daubeney makes a hasty entrance.

Daubeney : Majesty! Perkin Warbeck has entered Exeter ahead of an army of some six thousand.

Henry : Warbeck? The impersonator of murdered Prince Richard?

Daubeney: The very same.

Henry looks worried.

Daubeney: He claims the throne as the rightful heir of Edward IV.

Henry looks even more worried.

Henry: An army of six thousand? How do we beat that?

Daubeney: Bribery?

Henry: With my finances?

Daubeney: We must do something Majesty, they head now for Taunton.

Henry stands and grabs a cushion.

Henry : They want a impersonator, than that's what they'll get!

Henry stuffs cushion up his back and leaps around the room.

Henry : My Richard III is legendary!

Ends

EDIT****************REWRITE IS BELOW***********************************

I think one problem with some of these history sketches is that you cram in more history than is needed to make the central premise work. In this case the section about Henry's finances is not needed and is not particularly funny. Nor do we really need to know the size of Perkin's army. The key point to hammer home is that Perkin is a successful impersonator and the people love him, as that sets up Henry's impersonation.

The other problem is that, for me, you don't always make the jokes big enough or silly enough. Rather than have Henry say who he is impersonating, I would have him launch into a hammy version of Olivier doing "now is the winter of our discontent", before switching after a couple of lines to Frank Spencer, followed by Jimmy Durante. It breaks the internal historical logic, but I think with history sketches anachronisms can be very effective.

Just my thoughts for what they are worth.

Good points Timbo and Griff. I've rewritten the sketch below.

September 1497 Greenwich Palace, London.
Henry Tudor, King of England, is attending to matters of State. The general of the King's army, Lord Daubeney makes a hasty entrance.

Daubeney : Majesty! Perkin Warbeck has entered Exeter at the head of a massive army.

Henry : Warbeck? The impersonator of murdered Prince Richard?

Daubeney: The very same.

Henry looks worried.

Daubeney: He claims the throne as the rightful heir of Edward VI.

Henry looks even more worried.

Henry: Well, if it's an impersonator they want, then I'm the man! Remember last Easter and my repertoire of royals through the ages?

Daubeney: Unfortunately so Sire!

Henry leaps up and grabs at his eye.

Henry : Oh, my eye, my bloody eye!

Daubeney : ( Dead Pan) King Harold. Very droll Majesty.

Henry stuffs cushion up his back and leaps around the room.

Henry : A horse. A horse. My Kingdom...

Daubeney : ( Sighs) Richard III. A veritable hoot Sire.

Henry : I've been working on a new one. I was saving it for New Year's Eve but I think, in light of the situation.

Daubeney : Who is it Sire?

Henry: Well! It's one my astrologer always does. He says he gets visions of the man. A legendary figure so I'm told. It fits right into my act, because he also is a Prince!

Daubeney: Let's see it then Majesty.

Henry pushes his hair over his face, and shuffles around the room.

Henry: SHARON!

Ends

I suspect the ending calls on a cultural reference I am unfamiliar with, so it is lost on me. But you are in any case, in my view, straining too hard to build a logical context, which results in a lot of unfunny exposition, about New Year's Eve and astrologers. I think you need to unshackle your imagination, and just be prepared to be silly and random. But I will say you are on the right lines by taking the initial joke you thought off (the Richard III impersonation) and building out from that, rather than assuming that this going to be the punchline and building up to it. It can be very liberating on the imagination to not know how a sketch will end when you begin it, as it allows you to go off in completely unexpected directions - as you have here (even if I didn't get it.)

PS I like Griff's suggestion - a good example of how to take the idea and run with it.

P.W. is never referred to as an impersonator - rather an impostor or a pretender. So I thought it all rather contrived.

However, Perkin Warbeck would make a great expletive.

Probably better if Daubeney calls him an 'impersonator' and Henry runs with it.

Anyway, roll on Lambert Simnel burning the cakes.

Daubeney : Perkin Warbeck majesty.

Henry: Is he any good.

Perkin: Oh yes. I'm the great pretender.

Quote: Marc P @ November 14 2009, 4:49 PM GMT

Daubeney : Perkin Warbeck majesty.

Henry: Is he any good.

Perkin: Oh yes. I'm the great pretender.

View original

Does he then dress like Freddie Mercury?

Thanks for the feeback folks.

I really enjoyed this sketch though would echo many of the above criticism.
I am a sketch writer myself, though every new to it, and was wondering how you wrote this sketch? Did you get the idea for the dialogue first then created the characters or did the characters come first?

The original version is fine as it is and fits well with the others in the series.

The suggested improvements may or may not make it better and/or funnier (depending upon one's taste in comedy) but I would, in any event, caution BigFella against making any changes that result in a sketch fundamentally different from the ones already written.

The existing sketches (and the original version of this one) have a characteristic charm: it would be a tragedy if it were thrown away in an attempt to get more laughs.

If I had to suggest an improvement, I'd change:

Henry: With my finances?

to

Henry (pulling his pockets inside out): I'm skint!

Quote: Roodeye @ November 15 2009, 1:37 PM GMT

If I had to suggest an improvement, I'd change:

Henry: With my finances?

to

Henry (pulling his pockets inside out): I'm skint!

View original

Or...

Henry: With my finances? I'm skint!