Posted a sketch up here a week ago which I've now made. Big thumbs up to Tim Walker 
who steered this in the right direction......I think!
Suicide Video Sketch
I say end it on the "Practical joke, not gone quite according to plan" line and you've got yourself a really good sketch.
Agree with David - that was the point to bail out on. But this series of sketches looks damned good.
I agree with David.
The jumping onto the ledge afterwards is a good idea for a separate sketch - but not tagged on to the main one.
I hate to jump on a band wagon, but agree with David!
Again, top class camerawork and direction!
Quote: bigfella @ November 13 2009, 4:41 PM GMTI hate to jump on a band wagon, but agree with David!
Again, top class camerawork and direction!
I hate to jump on David. But I agree with the bandwagon. And he said keep it longer......
I found the jumping out of the window part and appearing on the ledge to be too quickly edited IMO.
But great sketch if you end it earlier on as others suggested.
I like it just as it is.
But the biggest laugh does indeed come in the middle.
Very well filmed and performed - it works much better than on the page, but I tend to agree the ending does not quite work; whether that is down to the editing or not, I am not sure.
I like the rather pathetic denouement of the ledge, myself. Excellent work, Simon, really well filmed and great performances. Love the long look between the the girlfriend and the bloke before they kiss. A lot of sketches would have rushed into this, but it works much better for me when you give the audience time to enjoy working out what they are feeling.
My only thought was that, instead of the couple rushing out of bed when he jumps out the window, they might completely ignore him.
Then, as he's out on the ledge (as they continue to have sex) he could pretend to imitate people "down below" having discovered his "body"... Along the lines of "Oh no, he's jumped out of the window", "Quick, call an ambulance", "I wonder where his girlfriend is?"... in variously badly put-on accents? Then have him just sitting there, fed up, when he doesn't get much any attention.
Well, just a thought... if you consider an alternative. Course it would mean some re-shooting, so maybe not. Anyway, as it is I think it's a very accomplished piece of work. Good stuff, mate.
Beautifully shot.
And funny too.
I think I'm with the majority in saying it perhaps should end on the practical joke line.
Personally, I'd have him breaking the 4th wall and actually address the camera -rather than voiced-over.
But that's very much a style issue and there to be roundly ignored!
Good work.
You clealry have a talent for comedy, however, suicide is a dreadful thing not only for the people who are so unease with the world that they have to take their lives but also their families too, and I question if therefore it is a suitable subject for a comedy sketch.
Anything has the potential for comedy.
There are many things that I would deem unsuitable to be satirised. Mocking fun at suicide is hugely disrespectful to people who have considered killing themselves and their families.
Simon's sketch is neither satirising nor mocking any aspect of suicide or those whom it affects.