What about:
My mate decided to run across Europe for AIDS. Surely Hampstead Heath is closer?
I liked the dawning realisation of 9 and I thought 10, the cellar gag was perfect.
Jokes That Didn't Make the Cut... Page 2
Yes! That's the one. Cheers Marc.
Like most people I like the magnesium joke (although the joke pedant in me thinks that magnesium actually burns quite fast doesn't it?) but nearly all of them have potential but probably need a bit of re-writing before they'd really work in a live environment.
If you don't mind I might have a go at editing some of them when I get a chance and post up my takes on these (purely as an exercise for me).
Quote: Stu R @ November 3 2009, 12:08 AM GMT6. I've got a joke about magnesium, but it's a slow-burner.
Tony is correct: magnesium burns very quickly.
The joke doesn't work. >_< >_< >_<
Right, mostly I've just cut any extraneous and unneeded words (less is more) from the ones that I thought I could do something with;
1. I'm very forgetful so when I got a cat I called it "Thingummebob" to save embarrassment.
2. (Have to confess I didn't really get this one)
4. My uncle was an artist. He would paint himself white and stand at the end of a football field. He was the last of the great post-impressionists.
or My uncle was an artist who liked to dress as an envelope, he was the last of the post-impressionists.
5. When I was jailed for wasting time on my PC they put me in solitaire confinement.
7. I studied Classics at Uni, half of Classics is learning, and the rest, well, the rest is history.
8. My wife and I made a list of things that annoy us about each other. I said 'poor vocabulary'. She said 'he suffocates me'. I said 'No love, asphyxiates'.
14. My mate decided to run around the world for AIDS. I don't know why he doesn't just have unprotected sex with a drug addict.
Most of them (the edited ones above) are not perfect but are a bit punchier.
3, 6, 10 and 11 are the ones that I think are pretty much there (with my reservations over the magnesium one)
"I entered a knife into a competition the other day, but I came last place because it didn't make the cut."