MEN!!

MEN!!

Woman in bed sick surrounded by tissues and a sick bowl.

Man runs in: Em, how does the clothes washy machine work?

Woman wearily: Clothes in, powder in, press big green button that says start!!

Man leaves

Man enters: Em, the baby keeps crying…

Women: Pick her up and give her a cuddle.

Man leaves

Woman sighs and starts to get comfy

Man enters: Em… I can’t…

Woman: WHAT NOW!?!

Man: the talkie things making a noise.

Woman: The phone? Well Answer it…

Man Leaves.

Woman plumps pillow.

Man Returns. Ermmnm…

Woman: Pick up the handle.

Man Leaves

Man Returns: I errr…

Woman: One ends for talking, the other for listening.

Man Leaves.

There is a cacophony of noise, baby crying, and things breaking and smashing.

Woman gets out of bed.

Woman: For pities sake.

The man is standing at the top of the stairs covered in wet clothes, baby dangling from one hand, severed phone in the other…With this there is a huge explosion and the door behind the man is blown off its hinges and water and bubbles flow out.

Man: You get to bed love, I told you I’ll cope…

This is my 4th sketch now...soon i'll be a pro! This is also been written while i have the flu in bed so well done me! Thanks to Dannyjb for helping me too!

yeah its good, probably could do with a little trimming to make if flow smoother. BUt I can imagine it as an advert with female target audience. Overall good well done

I like it. It is very true to like and I could see it working as a sketch

I like it the male character reminds me of my brother XD

A bit sexist isn't it?

LOL

Anyway - get out of bed you lazy cow - I've got you a client

Outrageous sexist nonsense! How could you!

I must contact the Thought Police...

Nice one!

What IS that Danny doing in your bed scripting... he's supposed to be organising something Junk Male orientated!

Quote: David Chapman @ September 28, 2007, 9:11 PM

A bit sexist isn't it?

LOL

Anyway - get out of bed you lazy cow - I've got you a client

View original

Yes, very good Ellie-Bellie, good pacing and visuals. It might need tidying up though but still very good.

So you and Danny are both sick now? Mmmmmm. Have you been visiting the shoebox?
I like it btw - very accurate!

Quote: Gavin @ September 28, 2007, 6:45 PM

I can imagine it as an advert with female target audience.

View original

Thank goodness I don't have a sexist bone in MY body.

I think you've almost struck comedy gold in the way it pertains to both men and women, bless them (bugger!), and although I saw it coming, I thought the pay-off was excellent. It's a very universal sketch and although it does need trimming in its original form, I think there's a lot of scope to go well over the top in a very understated way.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing your next sketch.

Thank you everyone who commented... i really appreciate it!

It gives me the confidence to keep at it!

Yes, definitely do that Ellie.

Quote: EllieJP @ October 2, 2007, 7:47 PM

Thank you everyone who commented... i really appreciate it!

It gives me the confidence to keep at it!

View original

Oh no! I'll never get her out on the streets again.

excellent!

Do you know how to format a script?

No, obviously...lol Is there a site that shows it?!