Call_Centre_Sketch

Revised : 17/11/2009

F/XHONE RINGS, A WOMAN AT THE OTHER END ANSWERS

GEMMA:Good morning Marmalade Broadband, how can I help?

BRIAN:Good morning, Marmalade. Could you put me through to accounts, please?

GEMMA:My name's not Marmalade.

BRIAN:I think you're mistaken. Do you have a playback facility?

GEMMA:Look, you just misunderstood me; Marmalade is who I work for, worst luck.

BRIAN:Well, does she happen to work in accounts? Because that's who I need.

GEMMA:"She" doesn't exist.

BRIAN:Right.

GEMMA:"She" is the company name.

BRIAN:"She"?

GEMMA:That's right.

BRIAN:I must have the wrong number.

GEMMA:No, no listen; this is Marmalade Broadband.

BRIAN:Look Marmalade, are you going to put me through to accounts or not?

GEMMA:I'M NOT MARMALADE!! (PAUSE) I'm not Marmalade. We are Marmalade.

BRIAN:There's more than one of you? Well that explains it. You've got what they call in the medical profession, a "split personality". To whom am I speaking now?

GEMMA:No-one!

BRIAN:Well I must be speaking to someone, unless I'm schizophrenic of course, which is entirely possible. I mean, I tell people that I live with my ageing mother, taking radios apart and building ships in bottles, but do I? Do I really, mystery speaker?

GEMMA:My money's on "yes".

BRIAN:Look, just answer me this: does Marmalade Broadband exist?

GEMMA:No!

BRIANo why is she charging me thirty-two pounds a month?

F/X:THE SOUND OF CHEESY HOLD MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

BRIAN:Hello? … Hello?

END.

A very good idea and some nice snappy dialogue, I especially like when the caller goes off on one about is he schizophrenic. Personally I think it needs a stronger ending and maybe the person answering the phone to be insufferably polite.

But otherwise I like it.

Thanks for the tips. I'll rewrite a version with a super-polite customer service girl and build a killer punchline. I've got another sketch posted called 'Think Tank' that I'd appreciate some feedback on to.

Cheers.

Hi Marc welcome to critque.

You can clearly write which is a good start. But, for me, the subject matter is an overdone topic area and to me just really reads like an arsey phonecall without all that many "gags" in it.

It also limbs out at the end with no real punch.

But remember this is the opinion of one....

Quote: bigfella @ November 13 2009, 10:13 PM GMT

Hi Marc welcome to critque.

You can clearly write which is a good start. But, for me, the subject matter is an overdone topic area and to me just really reads like an arsey phonecall without all that many "gags" in it.

It also limbs out at the end with no real punch.

But remember this is the opinion of one....

View original

Must admit I actually don't see many call centre gags on here, though they are still done a lot but then again they have a lot of subject matter so you can normally find an original twist to it.

I think moving on fromthe avalon name gag and onto something else before going for the punchline would be a lot more effective then as you have multipule gags.

This is not so much a call centre sketch as an irritating customer sketch, with the humour being in how the customer ties the call operator up in knots. I am not a big fan of irritating customer sketches, but I thought updating it to the call centre environment worked well, though I suspect it has been done before, and the sketch had the virtue of being quick and punchy.

Thanks for all your feedback guys. I'll try some rewrites based on the tips you gave and repost it to see if you think it's an improvement. I can see now that the initial "Avalon" gag is stretched too far and yes, it does need to move on to something else as it's more irritating to read than the man on the phone would be to listen to!

Glad to have found a forum that's actually full of useful advice and help, and not just full of supportive praise that really doesn't help me get better at writing this stuff.

Cheers again.

I read this sketch twice and laughed twice so the proof is in the pudding. The sheer frustration twoars the customer is almost palpable and like all good comedy it made me laugh.

How does the inclusion of company and brand names work legally? Did you have to get permission from Alavon?

very good

Thanks IT David; I don't think there is an Avalon broadband, I just made it up, but I guess if there was and the sketch was broadcast, then permission would be sought.

There is an Avalon broadband Marc. I have Googled it for you. So perhaps it might be your best bet to take it out for now or replace it with a fictional broadband service provider. Hope this helps.

Thanks for that IT David; I'll revise it.

Okay, I've had a look at it and here's a revision: 17/11/2009

F/X: PHONE RINGS, A WOMAN AT THE OTHER END ANSWERS

GEMMA: Good morning Marmalade Broadband, how can I help?

BRIAN: Good morning, Marmalade. Could you put me through to accounts, please?

GEMMA: My name's not Marmalade.

BRIAN: I think you're mistaken. Do you have a playback facility?

GEMMA: Look, you just misunderstood me; Marmalade is who I work for.

BRIAN: Well, does she happen to work in accounts? Because that's who I need.

GEMMA: Is it regarding bills?

BRIAN: No it's regarding mine. I wish to cancel it.

GEMMA: You're unsatisfied?

BRIAN: Frequently, but it's okay I'm in therapy for it.

GEMMA: I'm talking about our broadband service.

BRIAN: I know; you're very good at it. Accounts please.

F/X: THE SOUND OF CHEESY HOLD MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

BRIAN: Hello? … Hello?

END.

A vast improvement Marc_P_74! Very funny. Great dialogue - love the play on 'bills'.

Just one thing though. Yes, I know it's a comedy sketch but in the real world, where everything is being recorded 'for training purposes', there is no way that Gemma would say "Marmalade is who I work for, worst luck.

It would be funnier with Gemma suppressing her anger!

Good job though.

Agreed Morrace. Worst luck goes.