Not especially happy about my efforts this week (some of them need a fair bit of pruning), found it a bit of a struggle but it's always a good writing exercise.
Samantha Fox has announced that she's one of the contestants for the new series of "I'm a celebrity get me out of here", saying that very little frightens here apart from "creepy, crawly, wriggly, horrible things" but hopefully she won't have to spent too much time with Ant and Dec.
It has been announced that sales of flatscreen TVs have trebled in the last three years and this has been linked to the rise in obesity, it's thought that people are buying the new tellys as they take up less room and allow them to get even fatter.
It's been revealed that over 30,000 people still watch Black and White televisions, including Nick Griffin, although his has been modified to be white only.
A report into Scottish alcohol related disorder problems has suggested that "Drunk tanks" should be introduced to relieve pressure on the NHS and Police, however opposers of the scheme have suggested that the use of armoured vehicles is over-the-top.
A group of Edinburgh army wives are the latest to strip off for a charity calendar, a spokesman said that the pictures showed that the troops had ample access to bazookas and would help men on active service train in the use of booby traps.
Miss Scotland, Katherine Brown, has revealed that tennis ace Andy Murray is supporting her bid to become Miss World after the beauty admitted that during Wimbledon she'd helped him to reach a semi.
Plans for a 40 metre big wheel at Aberdeen's Castlegate over the Christmas period have been shelved after the owners of the London Eye objected to it being called the Aberdeen Och-Eye.
After Sting slated "X Factor" for being "TV karaoke" and that Simon Cowell has no discernible talent apart from self promotion, it's been revealed that Oxford University have offered the Police lead singer an Honourary Doctorate in Stating the Bleeding Obvious.
According to new figures, Wildlife Crimes in Scotland have nearly trebled in the past decade, the Government have pledged to crack down on this by outlawing foxes from wearing hoodies, introducing curfews for badgers and tagging persistent weasel offenders.
New plans have emerged which will mean that East Coast Line trains will no longer terminate at Glasgow but in Edinburgh after it was finally revealed by a school boy with an Atlas that Glasgow is not on the East Coast.
The Scottish health board who are under fire for not revealing the outbreak of Clostridium Difficile which has killed 5 people, admitted that they had not alerted anyone as no-one could spell it.
Bosses at Johnny Walker have admitted that they used cream cakes to try to bribe workers into doing over-time saying that they realised it was naughty...but nice.
Plans to invite the Old Firm to play in a second English Premier League are due to be discussed in London, the cash strapped pair will play alongside English teams in similar financial difficulites in a league called the Barclay's Receivership.
Rangers are expecting to face heavy fines after the disgraceful scenes in Bucharest last week, a UEFA spokesman explained that it was inhumane of the Glasgow giants to field David Weir, a pensioner, in a top class European match.
A Scottish airline who've been asked to fly 6 children to school on a different island in the Orkney's have complained that the two-minute flight barely allows them to go over the safety information and allows them no time to sell the youngsters duty-free.
A spokesman at the MoD has denied accusations of incompetence and mis-management after a call for more choppers to be deployed to Afghanistan resulted in a consignment of 1970's Rayleigh Choppers being delivered to Camp Bastion.
There have been further accusations when it was revealed that there was a typo on the Eurofighter Typhoon order and £2 billion was spent on Typhoo teabags for the RAF.
A spokesman for the NHS has waded into the row over Gordon Brown's condelence letter and said that with his tactlessness, poor spelling and illegible writing that if he loses the next election he can always get a job as a GP.
MPs this week have been accused of hypocrisy for critisising the computer game "Modern Warfare 2" for 'promoting war' and informed that that's Gordon Brown's job.