Keeping the feet dry - Quickie

Queen Elizabeth the First is walking down the street, canopy of state above her, her ladies are close attendance and she is flanked by Yeoman Guards.

The weather is wet but the people of London are out in force to cheer the Virgin Queen.

Suddenly out of no where a cloak is flung to the ground in front of her.

The Queen halts, smiles at Walter Rayleigh who is the person responsible for the act and she steps gently and regally onto the cloak.

Queen : Sir Walter! How gallant. Protecting your Queen's feet from the puddle on the street.

Rayleigh : No Madam. One of these peasant bastards just flung dog shit all over my back.

I like.

Cheers Lee

Nice one BF, but it was more likely one of those sexist Beefeaters Bullies!

BF. I like historical comedy.

Thank you ladies!

I did like it Bigfella.
But I wonder if the punchline could be snappier in a stand alone sketch.
As part of something longer it would be a really funny line.
IMO

It's not the worst sketch I've read on here.
But I confess I struggled with the logic of Raleigh saying the punchline to the Queen. Wouldn't he be more likely to pretend he really was a gallant gent?

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 5 2009, 10:35 PM GMT

But I wonder if the punchline could be snappier in a stand alone sketch.

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Quite possibly Steve.

Quote: Badge @ November 5 2009, 10:39 PM GMT

It's not the worst sketch I've read on here.

View original

Quote: Badge @ November 5 2009, 10:39 PM GMT

But I confess I struggled with the logic of Raleigh saying the punchline to the Queen. Wouldn't he be more likely to pretend he really was a gallant gent?

View original

Probably not a lot of logic there I agree.

I don't think I'd being telling her that she had just trod all over a shit covered cloak to be fair.

EDIT: I'm going to add something there. Do we need logic in order for things to be funny?

Digging the work. Personally I don't think logic is essential. Although if logic was required, could the line

Queen : Sir Walter! How gallant. Protecting your Queen's feet from the puddle on the street.

come from an associate of Rayleigh's with the last line being directed back at him from Rayleigh?

Only thinking. Don't want to tread on any toes.

You seem to be showing a historical theme Bigfella.
You working on some kind of historical based sketch show?

Like it btw.

I like historical comedy too. I find them quite easy to write when picking out such well known scenarios and characters. It's like history has done the job for you in setting up a massive background on character and situation. Often the trickiest thing to get across quickly.

I'm at work at the moment but I'll post a few of my hysterical, historical sketches when I get back home.

(I know, work hard don't I?)

Ah just read one of your other 'On this day in History' threads Bigfella. Writing a sketch for each day in History.

Good idea.

OK Heres a challenge.

My Birthday 27th Dec 1966. How about writing me a historical birthday present. Come to think of it that would make a great personalised birthday gift to friends.

On second thoughts, they'd probably think, "You tight bastard, I bought you a f**cking iPod last year"

I've put a few sketches for kids up (aimed at ages 9 - 11)
I tried to do a few with an Educational slant
I'll pop one of thse up after this post under title "Historical/Education sketch for kids)

I really like it, and am becoming quite the fan of your historical sketches, BF. But like others have said, the punchline needs a bit of tightening up to really hit home.

Maybe changing the perspective of the sketch to Raleigh would help?

Maybe something like such:

Queen Elizabeth the First is walking down the street, canopy of state above her, her ladies are close attendance and she is flanked by Yeoman Guards.

The weather is wet but the people of London are out in force to cheer the Virgin Queen.

Amongst the crowd Sir Walter Raleigh applauds his queen.

Suddenly there is a squelch as a splodge of dog shit hits him in the back.

Raleigh looks disgusted: Bloody peasants.

He takes the cloak off and sweeps it across in front of him.

Suddenly a foot steps onto the cloak, and Rayleigh looks up to see the Queen herself looking down at him, smiling.

Queen : Sir Walter! How gallant of you to protect your Queen's feet from this wretched weather.

Rayleigh looks at the queen with an 'oh bollocks' expression, then down at the cloak, then back to the queen again. After some hesitation, he smiles broadly.

Rayleigh: My privilege, your Majesty.

I quite like that rewrite JJ.

Quote: Dkmj @ November 8 2009, 10:39 PM GMT

My Birthday 27th Dec 1966. How about writing me a historical birthday present. Come to think of it that would make a great personalised birthday gift to friends.

View original

Lets see what we can do!

OK,
I'll have a go at returning the gift if you give me your birthday.