I wrote a sitcom pilot episode and suddenly realised that my plot was terribly executed, its a long explanation. Here's the first scene from it. Runs to about 3 minutes. I did do a slightly shorter version, but thats not available at the minute.
Int. Johnnys Office
Johnny is sat at his desk. He is in his late 40’s - wearing shades, a brown leather coat and a flowery shirt underneath. He looks at an acoustic guitar in the corner of the room.
Johnny: It’s time, old friend. Once again, it is time. Time to rock ‘The Met Lounge’ like no band before.
Johnny spins round in his chair and picks up the guitar. He starts trying to play the riff to Sunshine Of Your Love, but messes it up. He steadies himself.
Johnny: Relax and find your headspace. Hone the spirit of The Clapton.
Johnny restarts, but again messes it up. There is a knock at the door and in walks Gram and Matt, who are both in their early 20’s. Gram is smartly dressed and Matt is scruffily dressed. Johnny pretends he is finishing off a song with two emotional but simple chords. He pauses for a second and then looks up.
Johnny: Hi guys
Johnny lifts up his guitar, kisses it and puts it back. Gram rolls his eyes
Johnny: (Faux modestly) That was just a little something that The Edge and I came up with. Y’know, back when I was a roadie for U2. Yeah, I’d tuned his guitar so good, that a little jam session was the least he could offer me
Matt looks astonished.
Matt: (gobsmacked) The Edge?! You met U2’s axman? Then WROTE a song with him?! Did you hear that, Gram?
Gram sighs and shakes his head.
Gram: Johnny, you can’t even tune your car radio in, let alone a guitar.
Johnny: (Smugly) Ha! Are you trying to say I didn’t tour with the ‘2?
Gram: No, I’m not. You did tour with them, but only as part of the catering crew.
Matt: Catering crew?
Gram: The closest contact you had with The Edge was giving him salmonella
Johnny looks confidently at Matt
Johnny: I tuned his guitar in Matt. I tuned it reeeal good. Me and the Edge? We’re like this
Johnny crosses his fingers and triumphantly holds them up. He leans back in his chair.
Gram: (Annoyed) Right, I think now would be a good time to turn to more pressing matters. (slight pause) Like reality. Now, take a look at the clubs figures for last month.
Gram throws the figures in front of Johnny and he starts reading them
Gram: Only an idiot could look at these and think that everything’s ok.
Johnny looks up
Johnny: These look pretty damn good to me, Grammy.
Gram: (Sighs) Well I walked straight into that one didn’t I. And don’t call me Grammy!
Johnny: No, I’m being honest! Seriously, these figures don’t look bad. Not bad at all. I particularly like these ones, but what, uh, what exactly are these symbols next to ‘em. The ones down here?
Johnny holds up the figures to Gram to look at.
Gram: (plainly) In accounting terms - the minus signs. In laymans terms – the kick in the nuts.
Johhny flicks his hair.
Johnny: (Wincingly) Ooh, nasty.
Gram: It’s all down to a simple lack of care. For example, look at this place. It’s a dump!
Matt: (Nonchalantly) Hm, doesn’t look that messy to me
Gram: Matt, y’know that community of cockroaches from behind the bar?
Matt: (Fondly) Oh yeah. They’ve got a lovely temperament, haven’t they!
Gram: Well, earlier, I caught them holding a tenants meeting about the state of this place. For christs sake, they’re planning to write to their MP!
Johhny leans forward and defiantly slams his fist down on the desk. This makes Matt jump.
Johnny: No way, man! No way am I compromising the atmosphere. The whole rock’n’roll lifestyle is built upon filth and depravity
Gram: Well it is. It is. However, we wanna be attracting the sort of vermin who wear tight denim and are tail free.
Gram leans back in his chair with his hands over his face and groans.
Gram: The 8 Bar is top dog round here, right, and they’re laughing at us. They’re getting all the bands, even the small up and coming ones.
Matt: They’ve got The Joyriders playing tonight.
Johnny: (Admiringly) Ah, Now that’s what I call a real band. Proper rock’n’roll outlaws. I heard that, after their last tour, they’ve been banned from Wales for life. (slight pause) Not much of a punishment really is it?
Gram: Bands with a high profile equal high ticket sales and that’s what we need. I mean, exactly how many people came to see ‘Mr Mushrooms Lucky Pants’ last night?
Matt: We sold 11 tickets in the end. Would’ve been more, but you said that bloke couldn’t bring his dog in.
Gram: You see! That’s nowhere near enough to keep this place going.
Johnny: Don’t worry, Gram. Things are bound to pick up sooner or later.
Gram: How you can be so laid back? All the money behind this place was left to you by your dad. You’ll lose everything and just be another bum on the street
Johnny: Hmmm, that could be rough. I really don’t know if I could handle the normal life again.
Gram: (Incredulously) What do you mean again?!
Matt suddenly stands up and looks like he’s had a great idea
Matt: WAIT! I’ve got it! Johhny, just give The Edge a ring! Get him down here to do an acoustic set or something. That’ll pull a big crowd for sure!
Gram headbutts the desk and then wearily lifts his head back up.
Gram: Right. First things first. We need to get this place looking respectable. Oh and what times that new barmaid coming in? Jen’s her name isn’t it?
Johnny: Yeah. She should be here in about 10 minutes.
Gram: Ok. I’ll show her the ropes when she gets here.
Gram gets up and picks the figures up off the desk. He beckons for Matt to follow him. As they reach the door, Gram turns round and looks at Johnny.
Gram: (seriously) I’m serious this time Johnny. You really need to pull your finger out. We’re the second most successful music venue in the city and I don’t want to watch us slip any further.
Matt: (defiantly) Gram, there is no way that that’s gonna happen
Gram: Well, Matt, I like your confidence. We need more of that round here.
Matt: I can guarantee that we won’t slip any further(slight pause) Not whilst there’s only two venues in town anyway.