British Comedy Guide

20 signs you've watched too many British sitcoms

20 signs you've watched too many British sitcoms growing up!

1) You don't mention the war; you mentioned it once but think you've got away with it.
2) "Don't tell him your name, Pike" is the funniest punch line ever written … Ever!
3) This time next year, you'll be a millionaire.
4) You say "I'm free" whenever anyone asks if you are available.
5) Sod the Playstation three; you've always wanted a Metal Mickey.
6) In your mind's eye, you know exactly what the house at Railway Cuttings in East Cheam looks like.
7) You don't need subtitles when watching "Rab C. Nesbitt".
8) Your cunning plans are better than Baldrick's
9) You've always thought that you are more like Terry Collier than Bob Ferris.
10) You wonder what Tristram Fourmile is doing now.
11) Your crush on Sally Abbott was only broken by Miss Brahms
12) You was never confused, mind you, It's been a year.
13) You have the highest post count on the http://www.classicsitcoms.co.uk forums.
14) You maintain that Foggy was the definitive third man.
15) At one point, all of your t-shirts had the slogan "Smoke me a kipper .."
16) The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies is kept under your bed.
17) You wanted Terry Scott and June Whitfield to adopt you.
18) Your political activism is confined to applying to join the Tooting Popular Front.
19) Your school memories are confused with Fenn Street school.
20) You stay awake at night wondering why Stan from On The Buses still lives with his mother.

A surveyor tells you that you have rising damp, and you're actually quite proud.

You walk into a pub, you go to the bar and ask for "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!". There is a sudden embarrassed silence, conversation stops, people look down at the ground, or towards you but avoiding eye contact. The landlord gives you a pitying yet firm stare. You murmur "Sorry" to no-one in particular, before quietly leaving the premises.

You turn into Colin Hunt?

Quote: Tim Walker @ November 6 2009, 11:12 PM GMT

You walk into a pub, you go to the bar and ask for "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!". There is a sudden embarrassed silence, conversation stops, people look down at the ground, or towards you but avoiding eye contact. The landlord gives you a pitying yet firm stare. You murmur "Sorry" to no-one in particular, before quietly leaving the premises.

Timothy!

Quote: fred bloggs @ November 6 2009, 7:55 PM GMT

2) "Don't tell him your name, Pike" is the funniest punch line ever written ... Ever!

That line's actually incorrect. >_<

Quote: fred bloggs @ November 6 2009, 7:55 PM GMT

6) In your mind's eye, you know exactly what the house at Railway Cuttings in East Cheam looks like.

Well it was in the TV show, so...

Quote: Tim Walker @ November 6 2009, 11:12 PM GMT

You walk into a pub, you go to the bar and ask for "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!".

Image

1 You only buy wine at the very beginning of Autumn.
2 You expect Victorian, pier based porn machines to contain images of the estimable David Mitchell.
3 You've been banned from your cemetry for burying 12 inch rulers.
4 And the mortuary for trying to get corpses to comb your hair.
5 When you buy the Sun you insist the newsagent treads on your foot.

Quote: Aaron @ November 6 2009, 11:43 PM GMT

Timothy!

What? Eh? Eh? What? Huh?

Quote: Tim Walker @ November 6 2009, 11:12 PM GMT

You murmur "Sorry"

You get arrested at the petting zoo for trying to put a pony in your pocket.

I know what Railway Cuttings looks like because I go there whenever I go to football.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 7 2009, 12:50 AM GMT

You get arrested at the petting zoo for trying to put a pony in your pocket.

Laughing out loud
It's good to have the Sunshine boy back!

You are standing at the stove, making dinner, when your six year old daughter comes up to you and asks if her 12 year old brother is a tosser or a wanker...guess I have to change my TV time to later in the evening.

Ha! I've been asked if Fawlty Towers is "real life" and can we go there on holiday.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ November 7 2009, 2:07 AM GMT

Ha! I've been asked if Fawlty Towers is "real life" and can we go there on holiday.

There used to be a rather shabby budget hotel (more of a hostel than a hotel really) called Fawlty Towers in the southern Israeli town of Eilat (on the Red Sea). If you could show on your passport that your name was Basil, Polly, Sybil or Manuel - you were allowed to stay free. I used to stay there before going to Egypt to sell suitcases of alcohol. I think it shut down in 1996. It wasn't too awful and the manager wasn't very tall.

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