Hi guys. Sent some oneliners in this week for the first time. Here goes:
M&S advert spoken in husky, erotic female voice.
We take the finest products made by other companies, lovingly plonk them on our shelves, then sit back and do sod all ourselves. This isn't any supermarket, this is an M&S supermarket. Although you'll be hard-pressed to tell the difference from now on.
A Glasgow play portraying Jesus as a transsexual attracted 300 protesters this week. The protesters said they were disgusted. Jesus would never match a long white dress with sandals.
BNP leader Nick Griffin has been refused permission to visit the Sellafield nuclear reprocessing plant in Cumbria on security grounds.
A spokesman for Sellafield said it took the containment of objectionable, toxic waste very seriously and as a result has decided not to let Griffin in.
Computer games are to be banned by one of Scotland's oldest hotels this Christmas in an attempt to "restore traditional family values".
Guests at the hotel last Christmas said they couldn't hear themselves arguing over the sound of the games.
Transport links were severely disrupted in the north east of Scotland this week following heavy rain. Grampian Police urged drivers to take extra care in the wet weather, which is due to ease in August.
A Scottish man this week found four gold necklaces worth £1m using a metal detector. The man said he planned to sell three of them, but his wife is keeping one because it goes with her dress.
