DEATH OF INNOCENCE

SCENE 1.

INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.

A SMALL BOY (TIMMY) IS FAST ASLEEP, A LIGHT ENTERS THE ROOM AS THE DOOR OPENS AND DEATH ENTERS. HE APPROACHES A HAMSTER CAGE.

TIMMY (SUDDENLY AWAKE)
Who are you?

DEATH
I am the Grim Reaper.

TIMMY
Am I dead?

DEATH
No your quiet safe. I have come for your Hamster.

TIMMY
Mr Chuggles or Bilsworth?

DEATH HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER

DEATH
It just says hamster.

TIMMY
What did he die of?

DEATH
I don't know, it doesn't actually say. I'm not really qualified I could arrange a post mortem if you want, I know people.

TIMMY
I don't believe in Death.

DEATH
What with all the evidence, in the news and what you read in the papers I assure you Death is very very real.

TIMMY
I mean as an Anthropomorphic being...

DEATH
Right...

AWKWARD SILENCE.

DEATH
Fancy a lollipop.

SCENE 2.

INT. HALLWAY. DAY.

"DEATH" EMERGES FROM TIMMYS BEDROOM, HE REMOVES HIS COWL TO REVEAL IT IS IN FACT A NORMAL PERSON, TIMMY'S DAD.

TIMMYS MUM (OFF)
How was he?

DEATH (TIMMY'S DAD)
Last year, he stopped believing in Father Christmas, January it was the Tooth Fairy and NOW he doesn't believe in DEATH as an anthroporphic being. I hate it when they start to grow up.

END

It's a fantastic idea. Would the Grim reaper be played as just a man in a cloak with a scithe, or would there be scary smoke, supernatural voice, completely over the top etc?

Thought the last line could be shorter, for me it takes too long to get to the payoff.

I think that's pretty good - not that you're interested. "It just says hamster" is best thing for me – idea that Death has to be present even at pet deaths. What about dropping the Tooth fairy stuff and just have Dad saying: "He's growing up too fast'. After all, the pay off is when he takes the cowl off - that's the reveal.

Quote: ShoePie @ September 28, 2007, 11:08 AM

It's a fantastic idea. Would the Grim reaper be played as just a man in a cloak with a scithe, or would there be scary smoke, supernatural voice, completely over the top etc?

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An excellent sketch in its own right that didn't cross the 'Family Guy' line. Talking of cartoons, I'd really like to see this as one of Shoe's animations.

I'm so stupid its funny. I thought that Death had actually taken the Dad away and the mum was talking to Death cos you got the name wrong for the last bit. Now I understand. Yeah i liked it but I'd say its a bit too close to the bone when compared with Pratchett's stuff but thats just me.

Quote: Baumski @ September 28, 2007, 11:27 AM

An excellent sketch in its own right that didn't cross the 'Family Guy' line. Talking of cartoons, I'd really like to see this as one of Shoe's animations.

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Can honestly say, would be honored if he'd consider doing it (but perfectly understandable if he didn't he's a very busy man).

And I think a spooky and eerie atmosphere would be well in order.

Thanks (as always) for comments.

Quote: dannyjb1 @ September 28, 2007, 11:33 AM

Can honestly say, would be honored if he'd consider doing it (but perfectly understandable if he didn't he's a very busy man).

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I just look busy, it's an art I've perfected after 8 years in IT. I don't have any animations on the go at the mo. so if you can record the audio I'd be happy to animate this sketch, I think it's great. PM me if your interested.

Mr Pie.

I imagine Death with a an old fashioned deliveryman type accent.
Agree with Godot Taxis: best line 'just says "Hamster"'.

Quote: ajp29 @ September 28, 2007, 11:33 AM

Yeah i liked it but I'd say its a bit too close to the bone when compared with Pratchett's stuff but thats just me.

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I liked it too... but I agree with Adam... Pratchett's 'Death' takes some topping.

Quote: Darren Goldsmith @ September 28, 2007, 12:25 PM

I liked it too... but I agree with Adam... Pratchett's 'Death' takes some topping.

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I'm a huge Pratchett fan but your right sadly, as soon as you do any sketch with the character of death (or EVEN in this case a man dressed up as him) comparisions are instantly made to Pratchett...

I think it would work really well as an animation.

But if I were editing it, then I'd probably trim the dialogue a fair bit. Short and sweet!

The whole Terry Pratchett thing has passed me by so I never even thought about that!

Quote: dannyjb1 @ September 28, 2007, 12:31 PM

I'm a huge Pratchett fan but your right sadly, as soon as you do any sketch with the character of death (or EVEN in this case a man dressed up as him) comparisions are instantly made to Pratchett...

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It's difficult... but I think you did a good job. I laughed... and that's the main thing.

It's all about finding your own voice and style. For example you might be able to distance your character from Pratchett's some more by ditching the 'Anthropomorphism' reference. There was quite a bit of this in the early Discworld novels.

Quote: Darren Goldsmith @ September 28, 2007, 2:09 PM

It's difficult... but I think you did a good job. I laughed... and that's the main thing.

It's all about finding your own voice and style. For example you might be able to distance your character from Pratchett's some more by ditching the 'Anthropomorphism' reference. There was quite a bit of this in the early Discworld novels.

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Yeah thats why I immediately thought Pratchett because I associate those two things with him.

Quote: ajp29 @ September 28, 2007, 2:23 PM

Yeah thats why I immediately thought Pratchett because I associate those two things with him.

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Is it the actual word do you think? Perhaps if I said Angel of Death or Embodiment of Death... maybe the Grim Reaper?

Quote: dannyjb1 @ September 28, 2007, 2:39 PM

Is it the actual word do you think? Perhaps if I said Angel of Death or Embodiment of Death... maybe the Grim Reaper?

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The word, certainly... but thinking about it, also the fact that Death has turned up (even if it is, as you say, his Dad in costume) to something as 'minor' as the demise of said hamster.

I guess, to readers of Pratchett's novels (of which I'm one, obviously), it currently just 'feels' very Pratchett-like.

I thnk your idea is good... and I say, it's funny... perhaps it just needs some different language to define it? Or perhaps it's fine as is... as Frankie has intimated, not everyone will immediately think of Discworld.

If you do decide to change it, the other famous reference you'll probably want to avoid is Monthy Python's 'Meaning of Life' e.g. "It was the salmon mousse!"