Give it a go. Cheers 
WAG LIE
AN EXTREMELY ORANGE WOMAN IN SKIMPY CLOTHING IS STOOD FILING HER NAILS; ENTER A MAN (20's, ALSO BRIGHT ORANGE) IN FOOTBALL KIT WITH OBLIGATORY SILLY GELLED HAIRSTYLE.
CARLY
[CHAVVY] Oh, so the wanderer returns! What's the excuse this time? You had to catch a streaker and escort her home?
ROBERTO
[SPANISH ACCENT] No. Look, Carly I have something I must tell you.
CARLY
I've gotta get my eyebrows dyed in a minute, can't it wait?
ROBERTO
No Carly, It cannot wait…
CARLY
Oh god, you ain't cheated on me again 'ave ya? The Paparazzi'll be outside waiting for me and I ain't 'ad my 'air done. [CARLY POOFS HER HAIR]
ROBERTO
No, no it's not that. Oh Carly, I just don't know how to tell you this.
CARLY
What? Oh no, don't tell me you've signed for a non-premiership team?!
ROBERTO
Well…
CARLY
What?! just tell me!
ROBERTO
Ok. [SIGHS] I'm not really a footballer.
CARLY
Oh my god! Oh my god! No, no, no, tell me ain't true Roberto?!
ROBERTO
[ACCENT CHANGES TO POSH SOUTHERN] Erm, actually it's just Robert. I'm from St Albans, not Barcelona.
CARLY
[DISBELIEVING] Nah, you're winding me up. I mean, what about all the pictures of you winning the FA Cup, the Champions league…?
ROBERTO
Photoshop. I just pasted my head on…didn't you ever wonder why my arms and legs were black?
CARLY
I thought it was a body sock! So what do you really do then? Ooo, ooo! Are you a criminal?!
ROBERTO
Nope.
CARLY
Please tell me you're at least a builder?!
ROBERTO
I'm sorry Carly, I'm a doctor.
CARLY
Oh Christ, you actually work hard for a living! [CARLY HEAVES]
ROBERTO
I can't tell you how difficult it's been lying to you all this time Carly, at least now we can stop living a lie.
CARLY
Oh yeah, great! So now there's no point in me keeping the dog in my handbag, covering my face when I come out of a restaurant or even being orange [CARLY WIPES HER MAKE-UP STROPPILY], I'll just be like any old boring, human being!
* ROBERTO
Being a doctor's wife doesn't mean you'll be boring, maybe we could play doctors and nurses. [HE LOOKS AT CARLY SUGGESTIVELY]
CARLY
'ang on, if you're a doctor 'ow come you didn't give my mum CPR the night she died?
ROBERTO
Uhm…
END OF SKETCH
_________________________________________________________
* ALTERNATE ENDING
ROBERTO
Well, you could go back to being an aeronautic engineer.
CARLY
[POSH ACCENT] If I must!
END OF SKETCH
