Radio sketch - hospital blunder

I'm digging out more old material - looking for stuff for a new radio opportunity I've been asked to take part in, so just getting a general opinion here on stuff.

IVF BLUNDER

DOCTOR:
Thank you for coming in Mr and Mrs Davis. We just want to discuss a few matters concerning your pregnancy following IVF treatment at the hospital.

MRS DAVIS:
There isn't a problem is there?

DOCTOR:
No. No, of course not. (BEAT) If you're not allergic to fur.

MR DAVIS:
Sorry?

DOCTOR:
Do you have any allergies to fur?

MRS DAVIS:
No.

DOCTOR:
So you'd say you're both fine with fur?

MRS DAVIS:
Yes.

DOCTOR:
That's alright then. And do you like animals generally?

MR DAVIS:
Yes, we're both animal lovers. We love natural history programmes.

DOCTOR:
Good. Do you remember the classic TV clip where David Attenborough bonds with the gorillas?

MRS DAVIS:
Yes.

DOCTOR:
Would you feel the same?

MR DAVIS:
What do you mean?

DOCTOR:
Could you bond with a gorilla?

MRS DAVIS:
Well...

DOCTOR:
Good. Because there's been a bit of a mix-up and we accidently implanted you with a gorilla embryo. It's an easy mistake...

MR DAVIS:
How can it be?

DOCTOR:
Well, you're not the best looking couple. I'm sure no one will notice...

MR DAVIS:
That's outrageous!

F/X:A GORILLA GETTING ANGRY AND BEATING HIS CHEST

MRS DAVIS:
Look, you've upset our first son Gerald.

Nice idea.

Do you think it would work with the doctor not fully spelling out what he's done -- but not really leaving any room for doubt -- before exiting, leaving the couple looking horrified?

EDIT - no, of course not. It's radio. Ignore me.

I loved this and laughed out loud, but there's something not quite right about the end - somebody smarter than me might have a suggestion.

Hey Dolly, It works nicely. But the ending, like Keewik says, just doesn't seem quite right, I think it might be by saying 'our first son Gerald...'. You've obviously done it to show it's not the baby their having but it sticks out as unnecessary to explain it's their first son/child. Wait for more well-informed opinions.

Quote: keewik @ October 31 2009, 1:15 AM BST

I loved this and laughed out loud, but there's something not quite right about the end - somebody smarter than me might have a suggestion.

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Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 31 2009, 1:21 AM BST

Hey Dolly, It works nicely. But the ending, like Keewik says, just doesn't seem quite right, I think it might be by saying 'our first son Gerald...'. You've obviously done it to show it's not the baby their having but it sticks out as unnecessary to explain it's their first son/child. Wait for more well-informed opinions.

View original

Yeah, I did think it could be done different too. I'll have a think....

I agree the end is a bit awkward but until then it is fine. The opening gambit could be condensed quite easily, though.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 30 2009, 9:26 PM BST

DOCTOR:
Thank you for coming in Mr and Mrs Davis. We just want to discuss a few matters concerning your pregnancy following IVF treatment at the hospital.

MRS DAVIS:
There isn't a problem is there?

View original

e.g.

DOCTOR:
Thank you for coming in Mr and Mrs Davis. It's about your pregnancy.

MRS DAVIS:
There isn't a problem with the IVF is there?

Quote: Badge @ November 1 2009, 1:27 AM BST

I agree the end is a bit awkward but until then it is fine. The opening gambit could be condensed quite easily, though.

View original

Nice idea, but the NTNON trubute ending doesn't work for me. Maybe take it in a different direction, e.g.

MR DAVIS:
This is outrageous. What happened to our embryos?

DOCTOR
Well, you know how everyone is excited about the new baby panda at London Zoo...

Quote: Timbo @ November 1 2009, 11:05 AM BST

Nice idea, but the NTNON trubute ending doesn't work for me. Maybe take it in a different direction, e.g.

MR DAVIS:
This is outrageous. What happened to our embryos?

DOCTOR
Well, you know how everyone is excited about the new baby panda at London Zoo...

View original

Good ideas. Cheers.

Not sure about this one DD and have been pondering why and think it is to do with a confusion of the inernal logic. Is the joke that the couple are extremely simian looking or that there has been a blunder with the ivf. If you adress why there was a blunder, is it cutbacks, have they gone to cheaper outfit, a university research facilty, paying for it on their petcare insureance plan?? Either way I think you should stick with the one comedic premise and think that through. I like the gorilla call at the end - does the doctor say after it that the specialist is ready to see you now?

Quote: Marc P @ November 1 2009, 1:37 PM BST

Not sure about this one DD and have been pondering why and think it is to do with a confusion of the inernal logic. Is the joke that the couple are extremely simian looking or that there has been a blunder with the ivf. If you adress why there was a blunder, is it cutbacks, have they gone to cheaper outfit, a university research facilty, paying for it on their petcare insureance plan?? Either way I think you should stick with the one comedic premise and think that through. I like the gorilla call at the end - does the doctor say after it that the specialist is ready to see you now?

View original

I think I wrote at as topical sketch following a spate of mix-ups and the medical attitude that it doesn't really matter and the crap way they give bad news sometimes, then just decided to be silly rather than satirical.

Silly is good.