A quickie topical sketch

Hello, give me your worst...

Reporter
I've come down to an NHS hospital to find out what frontline staff think about the enormous bonuses of their bosses which were revealed this week. Excuse me nurse, nurse?

Nurse
Can you not see I'm busy love? Does this young man with a traffic cone sticking out of his arse not seem to be in greater need than yourself? And no, we don't do botox if that's what you're after.

Reporter
Well! Let's see if I can't find a proper professional to speak to, doctor. Excuse me, doctor!

Doctor
Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step back, this man has consumed an entire bottle of hand sanitiser and thinks he's Red Rum. And no, we don't do botox.

Patient
Neigh! Neigh! Bleurgh!

Reporter
Arh! These were Manolos!

ENDS

Quote: HeyManda @ October 30 2009, 8:46 PM BST

Hello, give me your worst...

View original

Looks like you beat us to it.

(sorry, that was unnecessarily cruel, but the sketch ain't great)

Ouch. No, fair enough, but anything more specific?

The start, the middle and the end.

Too wordy.

And not funny.

I don't really know what else to say.

Quote: HeyManda @ October 31 2009, 6:33 PM BST

Ouch. No, fair enough, but anything more specific?

View original

If you're doing a topical sketch about NHS bonuses, it would probably be a good idea to make some jokes about said bonuses.

This one wasn't great as the others have stated but don't be put off from posting other sketches.

Comedy is highly subjective and one reviewer's work of genius can be another's pile of pig poo.

I can see why this sketch might be deemed unfunny but, on the other hand, I have no difficulty imagining a pro writer penning it and thinking it hilarious. I also have no difficulty imagining it being included in a TV sketch show.

In all honesty, I believe it's a mile in front of some of the sketches that have received good reviews here and, even though it's very short, there's enough of it to suggest the writer has talent.

Quite like this.
The frontline staff are far too busy to answer questions about their bosses' lives of luxury.

It's a bit obvious and over explained, also your punch line is weak.

You'd do better to have a punchline that twists explanation and trust your writing to explain the situation better.

Thanks for all your comments. Especially Roodeye and johnnyD, because yours I like.

I'm very new to this, I'd never thought about writing comedy before newsjack, which I got a line on. They also recorded a sketch but it got cut. So I don't really know what I'm doing and just wanted to figure out what I have to work on.

Just in case you're interested, this is the sketch I think newsjack recorded. And thanks again...

'You're Fired'.

David Cameron
(To self) Righty-ho, I'll give him what for, come on Dave! (Into intercom) Send the pleb in please!

Alan Sugar
Good morning Mr Cameron.

Cameron
It's the right honourable gentleman to you...Sir Alan.

Sugar
Look, can we just get this over with sonny, I've got a shipment of top quality filo-faxes to sign off on and they're not gonna sort themselves now are they?

Cameron
I'm asking the questions here thank you very much! Now, enterprise tsar hm? And furry face of one of the BBC's most watched televisual programmes? That's all very convenient isn't it?

Sugar
What can I say son, I'm an entrepreneur ain't I? I see an opportunity, I take it.

Cameron
Well I won't stand for it. Don't think I don't know what's going on here, it's collusion!

Sugar
What are you on about? I didn't get where I am today with time-wasters, I can't stand jibber jabber, and flip-flopping so spit it out.

Cameron
You can not fulfil twin roles concerning business for the government (spits) and the BBC, it's not fair! It is an "outrageous piece of media management" (whispers) are you getting all of this down, am I coming off well?

Sugar
Balderdash!

Cameron
And you, you! What do you have to say about this BBC?

BBC
The roles are completely unrelated, we don't see any breech of impartiality at all.

Cameron
That's it is it? And you, government, what do you have to say for yourself?

Government
I wholeheartedly agree with the statements of the right honourable BBC, I--

Cameron
I've heard enough! Alright, Margaret, what are the results?

Margaret Thatcher
Well, I'm terribly sorry David but I'm afraid we're going to have to let this one go.

ENDS