British Comedy Guide

Suave Middle-Aged Gentleman #1

I know this scenario has been done to death, but has it been done this way?

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INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT.

A RESTAURANT IN AN UPMARKET HOTEL.

A SUAVE MIDDLE-AGED GENTLEMEN SIPS A COCKTAIL AT THE BAR. NICE SUIT, OPEN COLLAR, PERMATAN.

HE NOTICES AN ATTRACTIVE, WELL-DRESSED WOMAN IN HER THIRTIES, DINING ALONE.

GENT:
Oh, bartender.

BARTENDER:
Sir?

GENT:
Could you have a bottle of your second-finest champagne delivered to that table?

BARTENDER:
Certainly, sir.

A WAITER DELIVERS A BOTTLE TO THE WOMAN'S TABLE.

SURPRISED AND FLATTERED, SHE HAS AN UNHEARD EXCHANGE WITH THE WAITER.

THE GENT LICKS HIS LIPS.

THE WAITER INDICATES THE GENT.

THE WOMAN SMILES COYLY AND OFFERS A LITTLE WAVE.

THE GENT RAISES HIS GLASS IN RESPONSE.

HE MOVES IN FOR THE KILL, PICKING UP HIS COCKTAIL AND APPROACHING THE WOMAN'S TABLE.

THE WOMAN STARTS NECKING THE CHAMPAGNE DIRECTLY FROM THE BOTTLE, GULPING AND SPLUTTERING DOWN HER DRESS.

THE GENT VEERS INTO THE GENTS.

Nice work, Kevin.

Perhaps the woman should let out a massive burp as well.

The woman sounds like my kinda girl. And "permatan" sounds like Indonesian for bejewelled.

I liked it too when she grabbed the bottle.

Why second finest champagne by the way?

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ October 26 2009, 1:02 PM BST

Why second finest champagne by the way?

I've written a handful of sketches featuring the same chap, it just seemed more in keeping with his character. Bit of a fake.

Could maybe have her shake it up and spray it everywhere, before necking it. Or maybe not.

Second-finest champagne?

Would he really ask for that?

I think 'least expensive champagne' would be much better.

I really liked "second-finest champagne". Shakespearean. The "gent" is classy - not to the point of buying the most overpriced bottle of bubbly in the shop, but he's no pauper or miser. It would be less fun seeing the "woman" neck the cheapest champers.

All this talk of booze is making me think I should take a photo of the dog biting a glove puppet (of a bear) on my left hand.

Okay then, how about 'finest champagne'?

I can see the guy as a money-no-object seducer and I can see him as a penny-pincher.

I can't really see him as anything in-between.

Quote: Roodeye @ October 28 2009, 11:38 AM BST

I can't really see him as anything in-between.

When I buy wine for people I don't opt for the most expensive or the cheapest. But that's just me and my now slightly chewed glove puppet bear.

Anyway, the fun bit about "second-finest champagne" was that it was evocative of Shakespeare, intentionally or otherwise.

Quote: Kenneth @ October 28 2009, 12:05 PM BST

When I buy wine for people I don't opt for the most expensive or the cheapest. But that's just me and my now slightly chewed glove puppet bear.

Anyway, the fun bit about "second-finest champagne" was that it was evocative of Shakespeare, intentionally or otherwise.

It's possible 'second finest' is funny.

I'll give it more thought. Cool

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