Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 1:58 PM BSTCheers, originally I wrote it as a rhetorical question "Do packs of tennis balls come with a serving suggestion?"
Got to disagree Tim, I like Tonys original. Its so simplistic. Reminds me of the one I heard : Bad name for a company Selfridges...because they don't!
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 2:05 PM BSTThanks for your help.
What did Luke Skywalker say to Darth Vader when Darth revealed his deformities?
"That's a face only a son could love."What did Luke Skywalker say to Darth Vader when Darth revealed his deformities?
"Move over to the dark side, the dark side!!"Any better?
Personally I think they are better, although for use in a live environment you'd probably have to get away from the 'traditional' joke structure (i.e. the "What did..." format).
I still think that there's a much better joke in there waiting to be revealed (and please don't take that as a criticism as I often think that about my own efforts), for me it's still not quite there.
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 2:24 PM BSTPersonally I think they are better, although for use in a live environment you'd probably have to get away from the 'traditional' joke structure (i.e. the "What did..." format).
I still think that there's a much better joke in there waiting to be revealed (and please don't take that as a criticism as I often think that about my own efforts), for me it's still not quite there.
Thanks for that.
It's not really a joke that I'm particularly dedicated to, but now I'm into it I can't stop trying to improve it. It's more of a practice joke I think.
How long have you been doing stand-up, Tony?
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 2:33 PM BSTThanks for that.
It's not really a joke that I'm particularly dedicated to, but now I'm into it I can't stop trying to improve it. It's more of a practice joke I think.
How long have you been doing stand-up, Tony?
About 6 years off and on.
One of the things about jokes is that you can never predict 100% how any particular gag will go down until you try it out in front of an audience.
So there's Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader out on the balcony of this spaceship; Darth says to Luke, "I've got something to tell you, but to do that I first must show you my true self..." Darth removes his helmet to reveal his deformities and Luke jokes, "Now there's a face only a son could love." Darth replies, "Actually it's funny you should mention that..."
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 2:39 PM BSTAbout 6 years off and on.
One of the things about jokes is that you can never predict 100% how any particular gag will go down until you try it out in front of an audience.
I'm not planning on doing stand-up, I'm more of a writer. I'm sort of hoping that my joke writing will improve enough for me to write for a stand-up or personality or whatever.
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 2:41 PM BSTSo there's Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader out on the balcony of this spaceship; Darth says to Luke, "I've got something to tell you, but to do that I first must show you my true self..." Darth removes his helmet to reveal his deformities and Luke says, "Now there's a face only a son could love." Darth replies, "Actually it's funny you should mention that..."
I'm not planning on doing stand-up, I'm more of a writer. I'm sort of hoping that my joke writing will improve enough for me to write for a stand-up or personality or whatever.
I like that re-write and could see that as part of a longer story or sketch.
Not sure how to go about writing for comedians, my girlfriend writes for one (not me!) but she was extremely lucky. I've sent stuff to various people but most comics write their own material and it seems very hard to find anyone who wants to buy one-liners and short gags, it's all sketches and topical stuff nowadays.
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 3:01 PM BSTI like that re-write and could see that as part of a longer story or sketch.
Not sure how to go about writing for comedians, my girlfriend writes for one (not me!) but she was extremely lucky. I've sent stuff to various people but most comics write their own material and it seems very hard to find anyone who wants to buy one-liners and short gags, it's all sketches and topical stuff nowadays.
Yes, don't ever let your missus write for you because they know all your secrets.
Don't listen to 'em Marooned. YOu just carry on being you. And like it too.
Quote: LIME5000 @ October 26 2009, 4:45 PM BSTDon't listen to 'em Marooned. YOu just carry on being you. And like it too.
Thank you.
I'm not in a position to offer any advice about comedy writing however I've read with great interest your article, 'Why Are My Eyes Open', on the Sussex Newspaper's website.
A witty and well researched item about The Shelly Fountain in Horsham......well, when I say well researched there is one point I must bring up.... 
.....is there any reason why you refer to the poet Percy Shelly as a woman (at least 6 times?)...is this part of your humourous journalistic style or was Wikipedea down that day? 
Quote: Writer2K @ October 26 2009, 5:15 PM BSTI'm not in a position to offer any advice about comedy writing however I've read with great interest your article, 'Why Are My Eyes Open', on the Sussex Newspaper's website.
A witty and well researched item about The Shelly Fountain in Horsham......well, when I say well researched there is one point I must bring up....
.....is there any reason why you refer to the poet Percy Shelly as a woman (at least 6 times?)...is this part of your humourous journalistic style or was Wikipedea down that day?
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the article.
Funnily enough Wikipedia was down that day, I did however look around online and read some of his poetry but I didn't notice any mention of him being a man. I saw a portrait of him which led me to believe that he was a woman because he looks extremely effeminate in it.
Do you live in Sussex, Writer2K?
I saw a portrait of him which led me to believe that he was a woman because he looks extremely effeminate in it.
Are you confusing Percy with his wife Mary Shelley?
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 1:58 PM BSTCheers, originally I wrote it as a rhetorical question "Do packs of tennis balls come with a serving suggestion?"
I prefer that version.
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 2:05 PM BSTWhat did Luke Skywalker say to Darth Vader when Darth revealed his deformities?
"Move over to the dark side, the dark side!!"Any better?
The problem is that there isn't a dark side in a room, so the punch makes no sense. Maybe you need to rethink it taking that into account.
Don't be afraid of the dark Luke.
I'm not - and if I had a face like yours quite frankly Darth, I'd be praying for it.
Not that - but the bounce and the punch should have a logical connection.
To be fair, Shelly did look a bit like a woman to modern eyes.
But then, to be fair, his name WAS Percy.
I would have researched it more but unfortunately when I wrote it I had about a 2 hour window from the time I remembered when the deadline was and the deadline itself!