Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 10:39 AM BSTHere's one I wrote recently...
Bought a pack of tennis balls, on the side it said "Serving Suggestion - Overarm".
That's good.
Joke Adoption. Page 9
I like it. I'd have done, "Serving Suggestion - do."
Thanks for your help.
Quote: Dkmj @ October 26 2009, 12:54 PM BSTHi Marooned, I thinkthat's it for me, they just seem too confusing to get the joke. If I can't see the joke then I'm not going to laugh. This happens to me in my writing sometimes. Fortunately my writing pals point it out to me. Humour is so individual, sometimes so individual youre the only one finding it funny. And I don't mean this to be rude at all.
Sometimes I can see the gag clearly, so they move it to my mouth instead.
(See what I mean?)
I see what you mean, sort of like a gag transfusion?
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 1:21 PM BSTI see what you mean, sort of like a gag transfusion?
Doh !
What do people say when Darth Vader shows his deformities to them?
"Move over to the dark side of the room, the dark side!!"
Anyway, he wasn't that ugly; without the mask, he looked like a goth Joss Ackland.
Quote: Mark Norton @ October 26 2009, 1:43 PM BSTAnyway, he wasn't that ugly; without the mask, he looked like a goth Joss Ackland.
Only less shocked.
Quote: Marooned @ October 26 2009, 12:41 PM BSTDo my jokes confuse people because the word arrangement's poor or because others simply don't find them funny? It would help me out if I knew. Thanks.
IMHO you have the kernel of a decent joke but you are not communicating the idea effectively, to you the joke is obvious (the image is in your head) but you've got to make that obvious to the audience as concisely as possible, sometimes this means that you have to state the obvious.
Just quickly, off the top of my head, I would re-write your joke as;
What did Luke Skywalker say when he removed Darth Vader's helmet?
"With a face like that it's no wonder you went to the Dark Side".
Even with that re-write I'm not sure I've made it obvious enough that the joke is about him hiding his looks but it's getting there.
Quote: Mark Norton @ October 26 2009, 1:16 PM BSTI like it. I'd have done, "Serving Suggestion - do."
No, that weakens the joke. "Overarm" is by far stronger punchline.
Quote: Mark Norton @ October 26 2009, 1:16 PM BSTI like it. I'd have done, "Serving Suggestion - do."
Cheers, originally I wrote it as a rhetorical question "Do packs of tennis balls come with a serving suggestion?"
I really like:
Rip Torn's real name is Rest In Peace Torn.
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 1:58 PM BSTIMHO you have the kernel of a decent joke but you are not communicating the idea effectively, to you the joke is obvious (the image is in your head) but you've got to make that obvious to the audience as concisely as possible, sometimes this means that you have to state the obvious.
Just quickly, off the top of my head, I would re-write your joke as;
What did Luke Skywalker say when he removed Darth Vader's helmet?
"With a face like that it's no wonder you went to the Dark Side".
Even with that re-write I'm not sure I've made it obvious enough that the joke is about him hiding his looks but it's getting there.
Thanks for your help.
What did Luke Skywalker say to Darth Vader when Darth revealed his deformities?
"That's a face only a son could love."
What did Luke Skywalker say to Darth Vader when Darth revealed his deformities?
"Move over to the dark side, the dark side!!"
Any better?
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 10:39 AM BSTHere's one I wrote recently...
Bought a pack of tennis balls, on the side it said "Serving Suggestion - Overarm".
Why does everything I buy have a serving suggestion on the pack except where I need one the most.? Yesterday for example, I bought a pack of tennis balls...
Quote: Tony Cowards @ October 26 2009, 1:58 PM BSTCheers, originally I wrote it as a rhetorical question "Do packs of tennis balls come with a serving suggestion?"
Keep it as it is. The real laugh in the gag is not "serving suggestion" in relation to tennis balls, but "overarm". Trust me. 
Quote: Tim Walker @ October 26 2009, 2:13 PM BSTKeep it as it is. The real laugh in the gag is not "serving suggestion" in relation to tennis balls, but "overarm". Trust me.
Cheers.
We may not necessarily agree about "offensiveness" but we agree on this.