British Comedy Guide

Suave Middle-Aged Gentleman #2

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT.

A RESTAURANT IN AN UPMARKET HOTEL.

A SUAVE MIDDLE-AGED GENTLEMEN SIPS WHISKEY AT THE BAR. NICE SUIT, OPEN COLLAR, PERMATAN.

HE NOTICES AN ATTRACTIVE, WELL-DRESSED WOMAN IN HER THIRTIES, DINING ALONE.

GENT:
Oh, bartender.

BARTENDER:
Sir?

GENT:
Could you have a bottle of your house red delivered to that table?

BARTENDER:
Certainly, sir.

A WAITER DELIVERS A BOTTLE TO THE WOMAN'S TABLE.

SHE'S SHOCKED AND FLATTERED. SHE HAS AN UNHEARD EXCHANGE WITH THE WAITER.

THE GENT LICKS HIS LIPS.

THE WAITER INDICATES THE GENT.

THE WOMAN SMILES COYLY.

THE GENT RAISES HIS GLASS IN RESPONSE.

THE WOMAN TASTES THE WAITER'S PROFERRED SAMPLE, WINCES AND SENDS IT BACK.

THE WAITER SHRUGS, RETURNS TO THE BAR, HANDS THE BOTTLE TO THE GENT.

GENT:
A lady of sophisticated tastes. Intriguing. Bartender, a merlot for the lady, sil vous plait.

FADE TO:

INT. RESTAURANT. TEN MINUTES LATER.

THE GENT WITH SEVEN OPEN BOTTLES OF WINE ON THE BAR IN FRONT OF HIM.

THE WOMAN, TASTING ANOTHER WINE.

THE GENT, CLENCHING AND UNCLENCHING HIS FISTS, WILLING HER TO FIND IT SATISFACTORY.

GENT (TO HIMSELF):
Come on... like it... like it, you bitch.

THE WOMAN NODS HER APPROVAL.

GENT:
Get in!

THE WOMAN SMILES. THE GENT GETS BACK INTO CHARACTER, RAISING HIS GLASS.

HE GOES IN FOR THE KILL, PICKING UP HIS COCKTAIL AND APPROACHING THE WOMAN'S TABLE.

A BUTCH LESBIAN ENTERS.

SHE AND THE WELL-DRESSED WOMAN KISS ON THE LIPS.

THE GENT VEERS INTO THE GENTS.

Again, sounds like my kinda gal, though a mite snobbish.

Quote: Kenneth @ October 26 2009, 11:53 AM BST

Again, sounds like my kinda gal, though a mite snobbish.

Cool.

Was the sketch okay too?

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 28 2009, 2:40 AM BST

Was the sketch okay too?

You're asking the wrong person. I'm no astute judge of what is and isn't funny. But I could read it from start to finish without pausing to think "wtf?". If I had been the "gent", I would have joyously gathered up the seven wine bottles and joined the two apparent lesbians and got completely rat-ersed with them.

This is (basically) funny and a fitting companion to your earlier sketch in the series.

However, there are two points at which it shoots itself right through the head with a 12-bore shotgun.

When the man says "Come on... like it... like it, you bitch", we leave the realms of comedy and descend into something akin to Silence of the Lambs.

I'm almost certainly among the least politically correct writers on BCG but I do feel that the word 'bitch' really must go: it will jar with many viewers.

Also, I see problems with the ending as it stands. Even in these ever-more-enlightened days, butch lesbians are still seen by many as 'figures of fun' to be laughed at simply because they are what they are. Your sketch might be seen as supporting that prejudice. I'm all for 'more butch lesbians on TV' - but not in roles that actively encourage the less-tolerant to laugh at their appearance and orientation.

The problem is solvable, though, by making the lesbian as feminine and as beautifully elegant as the first woman. The kiss would have to be a little more than 'friendly', of course.

In that way, the sketch loses nothing - and it gains a lot insofar as it might actually be seen as being supportive and accepting of people's individual differences. Cool

Quote: Roodeye @ October 28 2009, 9:18 AM BST

The problem is solvable, though, by making the lesbian as feminine and as beautifully elegant as the first woman.

I'm still joining them with the booze, regardless of their looks. Butch bitches usually make fun drinking companions.

Quote: Kenneth @ October 28 2009, 9:43 AM BST

I'm still joining them with the booze, regardless of their looks. Butch bitches usually make fun drinking companions.

In the context of this thread, that's very funny (and totally acceptable!) :)

Quote: Roodeye @ October 28 2009, 9:18 AM BST

I'm almost certainly among the least politically correct writers on BCG but I do feel that the word 'bitch' really must go: it will jar with many viewers.

You're absolutely right. I'll replace it with ****.

;)

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 28 2009, 10:31 AM BST

You're absolutely right. I'll replace it with ****.

;)

You know, Kevin - in a very strange way, that might be bordering on acceptability.

When I'm in my car and another driver (male or female) does something silly that unintentionally impedes my progress or otherwise serves to annoy me, I might very well think or say "You ****!" (it will only be heard within the confines of my own car, of course).

However, if the other driver is a woman, I would never in a million years think or say "You bitch!" unless what she'd done was very clearly an act of spiteful aggression.

So, I have to say '****' is a significant improvement on 'bitch'.

Given my way, though, I'd just remove the word and not replace it with anything. Cool

Actually I thought the 'come on come on like it you bitch' was the best bit! I don't think it would alienate today's audiences in the slightest. The 'get in' was good as well.

I didn't really like the ending only because it felt a little bit too over the top compared to the rest. I think it would be better if the man regained his composure from the 'get in' and then went over to the table with a look of victory, as if it were the first bottle of wine and his tactics had worked perfectly.

That's just me though. I like this character.

Quote: Tom Pk @ October 28 2009, 10:59 AM BST

Actually I thought the 'come on come on like it you bitch' was the best bit! I don't think it would alienate today's audiences in the slightest.

In my capacity as someone whose comedy has over the years annoyed a great many women, I'm surprised to find myself arguing this point.

The line caused a sharp intake of breath when I read it as I was certain it suggested an underlying contempt for women in general on the part of the suave man.

In sketch comedy, there's huge mileage in men's disregard for women's feelings but 'contempt' is another thing altogether. Cool

Quote: Tom Pk @ October 28 2009, 10:59 AM BST

I think it would be better if the man regained his composure from the 'get in' and then went over to the table with a look of victory, as if it were the first bottle of wine and his tactics had worked perfectly.

That's a very good idea. I may have to steal it. :)

Feel free Keving, that's why I suggested it!

And Roodeye, I can see what you mean. To me though it just didn't come across like that, it just came across as an expression of his desperation, nothing personal towards the woman. If he said it towards a man I think it would be just as funny if not more. As always though, it comes down to differences in opinion and interpretation.

Now there's a blast from the past!

Quote: Leevil @ October 28 2009, 3:16 PM BST

Now there's a blast from the past!

What, muttering 'bitch' at women across the room?

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