Banana

There is some nice dialogue throughout, but feel it needed a killer punch to make up for the woolly bits. It didn't quite work for me

Liking the rest of your work.

Wow, Critique is becoming the Roodeye show

Agree with Minty - killer punch needed; that is of course if you intend submitting it to a sketch show - if not, it's a very amusing read. Spot-on dialogue.

Edit: I think you should ban Anna.

Quote: Roodeye @ October 22 2009, 6:59 PM BST

Hi, Guys.
I know what you mean about a killer last line but it's not a sketch. It's just a very brief look at some (hopefully) interesting dialogue between these two guys.

It's intended to make people smile rather than laugh out loud as what humour there is flows naturally from character rather than unnaturally from contrived gags.

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Ummm... I covered that.

Quote: Morrace @ October 22 2009, 6:07 PM BST

Agree with Minty - killer punch needed; that is of course if you intend submitting it to a sketch show - if not, it's a very amusing read. Spot-on dialogue.

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for what its worth,i disagree I like the "odd couple" familarity between the two characters, and don't think the big finish is needed.

J26

Bless you

J26