God: a day in the life.
I have a feeling that I have seen or read something very similar to this. (Mind you I get that feeling about most of my own sketches too.)
Quote: Roodeye @ October 21 2009, 8:13 PM BSTWE OPEN WITH A VIEW OF WHAT SEEMS LIKE A NORMAL LIVING ROOM
DOOR OPENS AND GOD ENTERS.
HE'S EXCITED, HIGHLY DELIGHTED AND CARRYING WHAT LOOKS LIKE A BLUE SNOOKER BALL
GOD:
Look! Look what I found!CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW MRS GOD SITTING IN AN ARMCHAIR READING A MAGAZINE
SHE LOOKS UP WITHOUT REAL INTEREST
MRS GOD:
You found a blue ball?GOD:
No, look! It's the world!MRS GOD (UNIMPRESSED):
Did you finish clearing out the shed?GOD:
Yes, yes. That's where I found it!GOD EXAMINES THE WORLD WITH OBVIOUS DELIGHT
GOD (CONT):
I haven't seen this for.......must be two thousand years!MRS GOD GOES BACK TO READING HER MAGAZINE
SHE SHAKES HER HEAD AND SIGHS
MRS GOD:
I said at the time, I said "He'll start it, but he'll never ever finish it"GOD:
It's finished! Look, everything's complete.MRS GOD:
Jesus went back like he promised, did he?GOD SHUTS HIS EYES TIGHTLY
GOD:
Oh, f-f-f-f-f-f-f . . . . !ENDS
This made me giggle. I wonder if the whole God's garden shed thing could have a bit more mileage though? I jotted down a few rough ideas, hope you don't mind.
WE OPEN WITH A VIEW OF WHAT SEEMS LIKE A NORMAL LIVING ROOM
DOOR OPENS AND GOD ENTERS.
HE'S EXCITED, HIGHLY DELIGHTED AND CARRYING WHAT LOOKS LIKE A BLUE SNOOKER BALL
GOD:
Look! Look what I found!
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW MRS GOD SITTING IN AN ARMCHAIR READING A MAGAZINE
SHE LOOKS UP WITHOUT REAL INTEREST
MRS GOD:
You found a blue ball?
GOD:
No, look! It's the world! I haven't seen this for...must be two thousand years!
MRS GOD (UNIMPRESSED):
Did you finish clearing out the shed?
GOD:
Yes, yes. That's where I found it! Underneath that bag of old compost I was going to throw out.
MRS GOD:
You mean "The Solar System?".
GOD:
That's the stuff. It's starting to smell a bit to be honest. Seems to be getting infested with all these horrible parasitic creatures. Don't know how they got there.
MRS GOD:
Free will?
GOD:
What?
MRS GOD:
Free will. You gave them free will, remember? But instead of building a paradise on Earth, they decided to waste all their natural resources and explore space. And invent iPhones. Although iPhones are pretty cool. Too cool actually. Do you think that annoying Satan man had anything to do with them? He probably had the idea after Adam and Eve. You know, the whole Apple thing?
GOD SCRATCHES HIS BEARD IN DEEP THOUGHT. HE SUDDENLY REALISES, SNAPPING HIS FINGERS.
GOD:
(BEAMING) Humans!
MRS GOD:
(PATRONISINGLY) Yeeees humans! Remember? You made them in your image?
GOD:
(EXCITEDLY) Oh my God! I really liked them! (TOSSES BLUE BALL IN HAND) They came out really well! Well, a few went a bit wrong...
MRS GOD:
The French...
GOD:
But by and large, a good batch!
GOD EXAMINES THE WORLD WITH OBVIOUS DELIGHT.
MRS GOD SHAKES HER HEAD AND SIGHS
MRS GOD:
I said at the time, I said "He'll start it, but he'll never ever finish it"
GOD:
It's finished! Look, everything's complete!
MRS GOD:
Jesus went back like he promised, did he?
GOD SHUTS HIS EYES TIGHTLY
GOD:
Oh, f-f-f-f-f-f-f . . . . !
ENDS
Quote: Roodeye @ October 22 2009, 8:03 AM BSTYes, I think there's considerable mileage in God's domestic life.
How about an episode in which he bemoans the rising popularity of Allah in Britain? Enoch Powell could make an appearance at God's house to discuss the problem, occasionally wagging a finger at camera and saying 'I told you so!'.
In fact, to show my unstinting generosity to fellow writers, I'd let that episode go out under your name with no reference whatever to any input by my good self.
See what a nice person I am?
Truly, you are an angel. 