British Comedy Guide

What's your favourite joke? Page 2

Quote: EllieJP @ October 21 2009, 1:13 PM BST

Me too! :S German humour.

It's an original joke I came up with and I'm only 1/8th German.

(okay, it was me being crap at German in my oral exam)

But I understand the German, but not the joke. Can you explain?

Quote: EllieJP @ October 21 2009, 1:46 PM BST

But I understand the German, but not the joke. Can you explain?

It's a surreal non-joke, but the joke at the time was my bad German. :)

Wir haben pflichtmitten in der Heineplatz.

Quote: Kenneth @ October 21 2009, 2:31 PM BST

Wir haben pflichtmitten in der Heineplatz.

:D :D

Ah yes, I know a little German.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 21 2009, 1:53 PM BST

the joke at the time was my bad German.

You had a bad German? Was it a hairier version of a Brazilian?

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 21 2009, 2:36 PM BST

:D :D

Ah yes, I know a little German.

Is this him?

Image
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 21 2009, 2:36 PM BST

:D :D

Ah yes, I know a little German.

che cosa circa italiano?

Quote: Kenneth @ October 21 2009, 2:31 PM BST

Wir haben pflichtmitten in der Heineplatz.

Quote: Paul W @ October 21 2009, 2:55 PM BST

che cosa circa italiano?

This is the kind of filth that starts happening when you join the EU. Angry

My favourite joke has to be: What did Tarzan say when he saw the Elephants coming over the hill?

"Here come the Elephants!"

What did Jane say when she saw the Elephants coming over the hill.

"Here come the Grapes!"

She was colour blind.

Hee hee hee. Ha hqqa!

There's an Englishman,Irishman and Scotsman and they're having a row about who's got the thickest wife:
EM: My wife's the thickest, she spent £1,000 on a car
SM: What's wrong with that?
EM: She can't drive
SM: No no, my wife's the thickest, she dug a big hole up in the garden and put a swimming pool in it, it cost £10,000
IM: What's up with that?
SM: She can't swim
IM: No no, my wifes the thickest, she went to Spain with forty condoms
EM: What's wrong with that
IM: She hasn't even got a cock.

:D

Napoleon at Waterloo, one of his men asks him how he is, 'These shoes are letting in water' he replies, 'You should have worn wellingtons' Napoleon replies 'he doesn't take my size' Cracks me up everytime.

Got this on a text earlier, it's probably very wrong but I laughed a lot.

I went to a charity disco last week in aid of a woman born with no legs. The dance floor was crawling in fanny.

Leslie Ash's face in Holby City

How did the choirboy know his brother had diarrhoea?
The priests cock tasted funny.

That's a re-write of a Martin Amis joke (can't you just tell how hi-brow it is)
The original's too gross out even for this site.

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are stranded on a desert island when they come across a magic lamp. They give it a rub and sure enough a Genie pops out and grants them each one wish. The Englishman says 'I wish I was back in a country mansion in the Cotswolds with a keg of beer and two comely lasses.' The Genie clicks his fingers and there he finds himself. The Scotsman says 'I wish I was in a castle over the Loch with a bottle of whisky and two flaxen maidens. The Genie makes it so. The Irishman ponders awhile, shuffling his feet. 'What's wrong?' asks the Genie. The Irishman replies 'Well I'm just so bored here all on my lonesome now. I wish my friends were back.'

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