Quote: Badge @ October 13 2009, 8:44 PM BSTThe voiceover is really dire and if you are sending this out to show what you can do I'm sorry to say the voiceover is only likely to work against you.
And as I have said time and time again this why this is a demo pilot we realise about the voice over that's why we've sorted that out.
Quote: James Cotter @ October 13 2009, 8:47 PM BSTAnd as I have said time and time again this why this is a demo pilot we realise about the voice over that's why we've sorted that out.
Forgive me James, but if you have "sorted that out", why is it still on the version that you have posted on YouTube to advertise your talents?
Quote: Badge @ October 13 2009, 8:54 PM BSTForgive me James, but if you have "sorted that out", why is it still on the version that you have posted on YouTube to advertise your talents?
We've sorted it out in a writing decision for the full pilot which hasn't be filmed yet. I think it advertises my talents quite well that's why it's there.
Nobody is to quote anything from that last post.
there is nothing to see here, carry on as you were.
Quote: James Cotter @ October 13 2009, 8:59 PM BSTWe've sorted it out in a writing decision for the full pilot which hasn't be filmed yet. I think it advertises my talents quite well that's why it's there.
James, look back through this thread and tot up how many people give you what could be deemed positive reviews and how many give you negative ones. If there's a large majority of positives then fair enough, it advertises your talents well. If not then it might be working against you.
Quote: James Cotter @ October 13 2009, 8:24 PM BSTit's a bit more than a first-year film.
I give up.
Quote: Badge @ October 13 2009, 8:44 PM BSTThe voiceover is really dire and if you are sending this out to show what you can do I'm sorry to say the voiceover is only likely to work against you.
I continue to be of the opinion that the voiceover is the least of the problems.
Quote: James Cotter @ October 13 2009, 8:24 PM BSTalthough it's not yet a TV worthy sitcom it's a bit more then a first-year film.
Depends on the school I suppose.
Quote: Badge @ October 13 2009, 9:22 PM BSTJames, look back through this thread and tot up how many people give you what could be deemed positive reviews and how many give you negative ones. If there's a large majority of positives then fair enough, it advertises your talents well. If not then it might be working against you.
As I say it advertises my talents quite well. I came into this project late on and as you will see in the credits my co-writer Dan Pearce created the show for what I did in the time I did it which was play the joint lead, co-write and co-direct I feel I did reasonable well. Many people on the thread have said myself and Dan acted quite well so that is advertising my talents. If you were a producer looking at this you would say "ok the final project isn't yet at the standard we are looking for but there is some raw talent there that with the right group of people around you and the right project you've got potential to do some good stuff".
Quote: James Cotter @ October 14 2009, 11:09 AM BSTIf you were a producer looking at this you would say "ok the final project isn't yet at the standard we are looking for but there is some raw talent there that with the right group of people around you and the right project you've got potential to do some good stuff".
Or you might not.
I'd wait and put the proper version up if I were you, if it's better.
I'm glad he's finally realised that the voice over wasn't very good. At least that's some progress after 15 pages. 
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 14 2009, 11:35 AM BSTI'm glad he's finally realised that the voice over wasn't very good. At least that's some progress after 15 pages.
Indeed. Now if only...
Still, don't let this put you off posting anything else in Critique in the future
Hi James,
I watched this again a few weeks ago and, contrary to my earlier comments, I actually thought it was rather good.
Keep up the magnificent work; a real star in the making!
Hi James,
I agree with Don.
Initially I thought this was just an unfunny rip-off of the office, made all the poorer by the inability to understand that the funny lines in any sitcom spring from the world view of the characters and their failings. Simply having someone randomly respond inappropriately to a death certificate isn't funny, for example, it has to come from the character.
However, having seen your impressive rebuttals of all negative critique and explanation of which bits are actually funny, I have entirely changed my view. This is a work of genius.
I think I can see how you can address all the issues raised by the moaning minnies using the magic of technology. Surely the answer is to insert an on-screen button at the end of each scene which says "not funny?". The viewer could click the button to access your thoughts on why it is funny. My personal advice would be to deliver this as the ex-soldier character for added impact.
I'd also consider adding a 'are you the target audience?' questionnaire at the start of part 1 so that you can avoid the wrong people watching it.