British Comedy Guide

Central Heating

Wrote the whole thing then went back and scrapped the ending and re-wrote alot of it, think it's better. but still need to re-draft and take on board comments about stuff :)

Something I just found again. very bad. I don't know how to set things out, not intended to be haha funny, but I don't know what it was/ is meant to be really. I don't mind it being put to death, I'll even help nail the coffin shut.

And I couldn't get it to copy and paste keeping in the bold or italics :( I'm just really thick.

The first bit below is a sort of guide to it (probably in case I forgot what it was supposed to be about).

Central Heating

Robin Waters (35) - Plumber
Marian Waters (34) - Hotel Receptionist
Jake Waters (14) - School

Andrew Wood (34) - Plumber
Wendy Wood (33) - Barmaid
Georgia Wood (14) - School

Roxanne Porter (21)

Robin Waters and best friend Andrew Wood own their own business (Wood and Waters Plumbing Services). Business is good and they hire an assistant Roxanne, fresh from training college. Roxanne is, to put it frankly - a tart, she spends her nights lying down and regularly books into the same hotel where Robin's wife Marian works behind reception, leading to some awkward encounters.

Robin and Marian have a 14 year old son Jake who has a crush on Andrew's daughter Georgia who is also 14. Georgia is also mad on Jake, though neither one of them knows about the others feelings.

Andrew is married to Wendy, a barmaid who works at the local pub, The Boot & Face. They plan to buy the pub (one day) so that Wendy can run it.

Marian also has dreams, she wants to run her own B & B, but until that day comes (if it ever does) both families must plod along with the daily grind, of work, play and madness.

Locations:

44 Academia Drive - The Waters residence
100 Birch Road - The Woods residence
2 Fairfield House, Fairfield Avenue - Roxannes residence
The Boot & The Face - The local pub
The Crescent Hotel - Hotel in which Marian works on reception.
Fairfield High School - The local high school that both Jake and Georgia attend.

Minor Characters

Belinda Crow (41) - Owner of The Crescent Hotel
Maggie (25) - Hotel worker/ housekeeping/ waitress/ maid
Kev (36) - Hotel cook and caretaker

Ron Clarke (50) - Owner of The Boot & Face - Hates the public & talks of selling up.
Paul (19) - Bar lad, friend of Wendy, makes her ask for lads numbers for him.

Alf (92) - Neighbour of Roxanne

Scene 1

Shot of 44 Academia Drive.

[Inside the living room Wendy is sat on the couch reading Yes! Magazine and shaking her head]

Marian
I don't know why I buy these things anymore, celebrity weddings, celebrity funerals, celebrity re - birthing, celebrity pets doing tricks, celebrity shock secrets - I mean who on earth wants to read about 'Lucy Jordan's Dating Secrets'? [puts on high pitched voice] "I never kiss on a first date - for at least 10 minutes!" 'Titters Lucy whilst seductively eating a fish finger' who would want to kiss someone whose lips look like something you'd find in a pet shop fish department? [slams magazine on coffee table]

[Key turns in door and in walks Robin]

Robin
[Walks in but stops abruptly when he spots Marian]
Marian, you're back early for a Wednesday aren't you?

Marian
Yes, I went on a murderous rampage and stuck Belinda's head in the deep fat fryer. I'm just waiting for the police to come and take me away to the loony bin.

Robin
Oh well, more space in the bed tonight then! [He sits down next to Marian] What are you doing here anyway? You know I've got an interview this afternoon.

Marian
Have you? [looks away] Sorry, I forgot [smirks slightly]. Roxanne isn't it? The girl who called on Monday?

Robin
Yes that's the one. I think she might be the one. She seemed very keen on the phone.

Marian
She's not the only one, well I can help you decide if she seems suitable for the position. What time is she getting here for?

Robin
I told her anywhere between 1 and half past. There's no need for you to stay around

Marian
Oh yes there is [Gives a forced smile]

Robin
Meaning what exactly?

Marian
Meaning that suitable or not, if she's good looking and flutters her eyelashes more than once you'll be handing over the business to her before the end of her first week!

Robin
Do you really think I, me, Robin Waters would be so shallow?

Marian
How do you think I got you to propose so quickly?
Then there was the house, you wanted that awful place on Chestnut Lodge, but I made you buy Academia Drive. How do you think I managed that?

Robin
We talked it over and both agreed that this was the best house!

Marian
Yes, but remember what we were doing ten minutes earlier?

[Robin thinks, his eyes looking puzzled and then something dawns on him]

Marian
Exactly
So I will stay and if she seems suitable and not a complete air - head like that horrendous blonde thing that you interviewed last week then I might let you hire her.

Robin
That Blonde Thing? [he laughs] Angela seemed like a very intelligent girl, she was very keen to take up the position.

Marian
A missionary one I would have imagined and lets face it anyone who wears a teletubbies t - shirt at the age of 24 has to have some sort of mental issue.

Robin
Still her skirt was nice

Marian
What you could see of it you mean? Anyway how can a bright pink, yellow spotted skirt, a teletubbies t - shirt and black leather knee high boots be appropriate dress for an interview? Unless she was applying for the position of Foreign Secretary?

Robin
Who is the Foreign Secretary?

Marian
Well judging by the state of international relations it's probably Bernard Manning.
Robin
Bernard Manning's dead!

Marian
There you go then. [picks up magazine again and flicks through with no interest] What time is Jake back from school?

Robin
Normal time, he's not on detention today. I forgot to mention that Andrew and Wendy are coming to dinner tonight.

Marian
When did you ask them? That means I'll have to cook I suppose. [slams magazine down]

Robin
I asked them last week, they haven't been for dinner for ages.

Marian
Yes! And we both know why don't we?

Robin
Don't know what you're talking about [looks shifty]

Marian
Well last time that I left you in charge of the food..... well lets just say that I felt sorry for anyone working down the sewers the next day!

Robin
That wasn't my fault! I thought they were spices! You put them in a jar on the spice rack!

Marian
[In a low growl] You put laxatives in the gravy! You're lucky it wasn't your Via....

Robin
Well, Wendy would have had a good night on us if it had of been!

Marian
Anyway I only put them there so Jake wouldn't use them against us.

Robin
Can you smell that?

Marian
What?

Robin
The smell of irony.
Scene 2

[Doorbell rings and Robin answers, it's a girl with blonde shoulder length hair, white shirt and trousers]

Robin
You must be Roxanne?

Roxanne
That's me [smiles widely]

Robin
Pleased to meet you [shakes hand] well you're certainly better dressed than the other applicant.

[Marian comes to the front door]

Marian
Hi, I'm Marian, nice to meet you, come in, sit down and make yourself comfortable [beckons to Robin to follow her into the kitchen]

Robin
[to Roxanne] Won't be a tick [follows Marian]. Ok what's up with this one?

Marian
Just because I make you come to the kitchen you automatically assume that I'm going to say something bad?

Robin
[Pretends to think] Yes, normally the kitchen is where you take me to talk about someone behind their back!

Marian
I do not!

Robin
Well what have you dragged me in here for that's so important then?

Marian
She's a tart!

Robin
See! You've only just met her and already you're trying to put me off hiring her.

Marian
Robin I know her from The Crescent, she regularly books in with a different man almost every week! Belinda loves her of course [high voice] "One of my best regular guests she is" You can't take her on!

Robin
Why not? Maybe she just needs a break in life.

Marian
For a start she would never get any work done in the male customers houses, she would flirt to death with them all! It brings a whole new meaning to 'sleeping on the job'
Yes she looks smart and she's polite but it's hardly good for business to have someone like her working for you. You would be on your knees within a week!

Robin
I resent that remark!

Marian
I didn't mean it like that Robin!

Robin
Marian, let's just speak to her and see what she's like, she's made the effort.

Marian
She's got five minutes to prove to me she's not a raving nymphomaniac

[They both enter the living room where Roxanne is sat in one of the chairs reading Yes! Magazine! She puts it back on the coffee table when she sees them enter. They both sit on the couch at an angle to face her.]

Robin
Sorry about that, Marian couldn't work out how to use the dishwasher [shakes head] honestly [gets indignant look from Marian]..

Roxanne
Oh, that's ok, I was just reading about Amanda Turner's pet wedding, I mean why would someone marry a hamster to a terrapin?

Marian
Let's get started then shall we? So Roxanne tell us a bit about yourself, why do you want to do plumbing?

[One Hour Later]

Robin
I think that's the interrogation over with then [gives Marian a 'look']

Roxanne
I quite enjoyed it if I'm honest, you both seem like really nice people.

Marian
[Taken aback slightly] obviously Robin will have to talk to his business partner Andrew before we can make a decision, but so far you have been the best applicant and you do at least have some dress sense!

[They stand up and Roxanne goes towards the front door, Robin opens it for her]

Robin
I should know by tomorrow, so I will give you a call in the afternoon, very nice to meet you Roxanne.

Roxanne
Yes, nice to meet both of you as well. Bye then [she walks down the garden path]

Robin & Marian
Bye!

[they shut the door and Robin gives Marian another 'look']

Marian
Don't say it

Robin
I wasn't going to say anything.

Marian
Yes you were. You were about to say that I shouldn't be so quick to judge people and that I should be thoroughly ashamed of myself, well, I am [slaps herself on wrist], there told myself off.

Robin
I think she's definitely the one though, very nice girl.

Marian
Ok Ok stop making me feel guilty, I agree she was very nice and you should give her the job. Now let that be an end to it. I'd better put the meat in the oven for tonight.

Scene 3

[Cuts to Jake and Georgia walking home from school together]

Georgia
We're coming round later, for dinner I think

Jake
What? [looks worried]
Even after last time? I thought you'd never speak to me again!

Georgia
I nearly didn't! That was not funny, no offence but your Dad's an idiot sometimes.

Jake
At least mine didn't gatecrash the under 18s disco trying to recapture his 'lost' youth!

Georgia
Fair point Jakey boy, fair point, they're as bad as each other sometimes.

[They come to Birch Road]

Georgia
Well, this is me then, I expect I'll see you later.

Jake
I'll make sure Dad's on his best behaviour [grins]

[Georgia walks down Birch Road, Jake looks longingly at her for a few seconds before carrying on, when his back is turned Georgia can be seen to turn around and look at him]

[Jake reaches Academia Drive and makes his way to number 44, puts key in door and walks in]

Jake
Hi Mum

Marian
Good day at school? No detention I see.

Jake
It was okay but I wish I didn't have to do French, I just don't understand it at all.

Marian
Foreign languages can come in handy sometimes.

Jake
Like when?

Marian
Well, your Dad's fluent in Double Dutch and Gobbledegook and I've picked a fair bit of it up over the years.

Jake
Ha ha, I do hate it though. Georgia just told me they're coming for dinner tonight?

Marian
About seven your Dad told them to be here for, you had better get a bit of your homework done and get changed.
[Jake walks up the stairs to his room, dumps school bag on the bed and grabs a shirt and jeans from his wardrobe, he runs back downstairs]

Marian
Where's the fire? Don't run down the stairs like that! If you fall I'll be ages getting your blood out of the new carpet!

Jake
Charming, I just need the iron, where's it gone? It's always going missing.

Marian
That's because I am the only person in this house that puts anything back where it belongs. Last time I saw it it was under the sink.

Jake
Is Dad not in? [looks in cupboard beneath sink and pulls out iron] Here it is!

Marian
No I sent him out to get some veg over an hour ago, I bet he's stopped off at The Boot & Face for a quick half.

Jake
Half an hours peace more like [ducks to avoid pair of rolled up socks that Marian throws and runs up the stairs]

Marian
[shouting] Don't RUN!

[Jake irons his clothes and then can be heard in the shower singing happily]

[Once out of the shower and dressed he stands in front of the mirror making sure his hair is all in place before spraying Robin's after shave all over himself]

[downstairs Marian is dusting the table when the phone rings]

Marian
Hello?
Yes it is
No I am quite happy at the moment thank you
Yes I am quite sure I don't need a stair lift, I'm only 34!
Well I'm sure your Granny does love hers, but I don't want one!
Oh go away you annoying piece of bum fluff! [hangs up]

[phone rings again - frustrated she picks it up]

I don't want a stair lift! I don't want a bed that moves up and down either or a nose hair remover or sex aids before you even bother asking!
Wendy! Sorry I was being pestered by one of those sales people who ring up offering you stupid crap that nobody has a use for.

Yes seven is still fine with me
No Andrew's not here, neither is Robin.
they'll turn up eventually, come round earlier if you want for a coffee, Jake can keep Georgia company, if you can call it that.
Okay see you soon
Bye!
[puts phone down and shouts upstairs]

Jake! Wendy and Georgia will be here at 6! Make sure you're presentable and make sure the bathroom is clean!

Jake
[shouts down]
Okay!

Marian
Don't forget to open the bathroom window! The paint's peeling off again!

Scene 4

[Living room is empty and door bell rings]

[Marian comes from the kitchen and answers the door]

Wendy
So are our husbands back yet?

Marian
No, they'll be back though, Robin knows what happens when he's late!

Georgia
What happens?

Wendy
Nose out!

Georgia
I was only making conversation

[looks round]

Where's Jake?

Marian
He's in his room, go on up if you dare!
[Georgia goes upstairs]

Marian
So any gossip for me then?

Wendy
Not really unless you count the crisps going up in price at the pub?

Marian
Not exactly newsworthy really is it?
Well I have some, not gossip as such, but do you remember that girl I used to bang on about? The one who comes into the hotel with a different man all the time?

Wendy
You mean the one you pointed out in the supermarket that time? She was buying a pregnancy test?

Marian
The very one, she's also the girl that Robin has just hired.

Wendy
Andrew hasn't mentioned it

Marian
That might be why they're not here, hes's probably telling him about her, we told her we would let her know. She's actually really nice.

Wendy
You've changed your tune, last time you mentioned her you said she has probably had more men than the England football team since it was formed.

Marian
I still think that, but she is really quite nice. I think she'll keep them two in check.

Wendy
Well good luck to her, ive been married to Andrew for 15 years and even I can't keep him in check!

[both laugh]

Marian
I'm calling Robin, otherwise we won't have any veg to eat!

[picks up mobile, presses buttons and holds to her ear]

Robin? where are you?
Thought you might be......
We need the veg
Wendy's already here with Georgia so tell Andrew just to come straight here.
Okay see you soon

[hangs up and places phone on coffee table]

He's on his way.

Wendy
Which means they'll be about half an hour no doubt!

Marian
Like I said earlier, he knows better than to turn up late! I'll stop giving him money to go to the pub!

Wendy
You're still not letting him have access to the account?

Marian
Not after the incident with the Germans no!

Wendy
It's not his fault really though

Marian
He went and bought a racing horse from them!

Wendy
He probably thought it was a good investment, yes he should have seen it first but he wasn't to know.

Marian
It was dead! We never saw a penny of it back and then they vanished into thin air.

Wendy
The police couldn't trace them then?

Marian
No, not that they were that interested, in fact they thought it was quite funny.

Wendy
Funny?

Marian
Especially when Robin explained that the Germans had told them the horse was a dead cert.

Wendy
What was the horse called
Marian
Untraceable Dodo

Wendy
Really?

Marian
Now you see why he can't be trusted, we could end up with anything
Remember that Playstation he bought? He didn't read the description properly did he? so when it came and the box was empty he couldn't get his money back because in the description it said it was a Playstation Box!

[Wendy laughs]

Wendy
Ah well, mistakes happen. Still at least Andrews never done that, though he did get conned into buying £200 of brass pipes once.

Marian
What was wrong with them?

Wendy
He doesn't know how to play the pipes!

[Key is heard in the door and in walk Robin carrying a carrier bag followed by Andrew]

Robin
Hi

Andrew
Hi Marian, sorry, got distracted

Marian
[takes bag from Robin]
I'll just get this started

Wendy
I'll give you a hand

[All are now sat at the table eating and talking]

Jake
Mum can I have a drum kit?

Marian
Ask your Dad

Robin
[before Jake can ask] No

Jake
But why not? It wouldn't be expensive!

Robin
We've already had complaints about you playing that guitar too loudly, never mind adding a drum kit to the list. Maybe when next door's dead.

Wendy
Is it still old Mrs Ellis? I've not seen her since THAT incident

Marian
You mean when she went into your car and removed the hand brake causing it to roll down the street and crash into a van?

Wendy
[Nods her head] Still, live and let live eh?

Robin
She once accused me of snoring too loudly. Said she could hear it through the walls.

Andrew
Maybe she could

Robin
She sleeps downstairs! She's not happy unless she's complaining.

Marian
She's got OCD

Georgia
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

Marian
No, Obnoxious Cow Disorder.

[They all laugh]

Wendy
Speaking of obnoxious cows, hows Belinda been treating you recently?

Marian
As though I'm something that blocked the drains mainly. She's becoming impossible, I need a new job and fast! At least I'm off tomorrow.

Wendy
Fancy keeping me company at the pub?
Marian
I may as well.

Andrew
You never ask me to keep you company at work! [looks hurt]

Wendy
I get enough of you at home [winks] too much of a good thing and all that. Anyway Paul's in and you know you're not keen on him.

Andrew
He's too, I don't know, touchy feely, a bit, what's the word?

Wendy
You don't like him because he flirts with you! He's only trying to wind you up. Anyway he has a picture of you with your top off as his mobile screen saver!

[Everybody laughs]

Andrew
How did he get that? [looks at Wendy suspiciously]

Wendy
I might have gave it to him [grins and winks] you don't really mind, you like the attention really.

Andrew
It's fine as long as that is the only picture of me you gave him [looks worried]

Jake
I like Paul, he's always giving me stuff.

Georgia
And me, he gave me a box of Wispas last time I went in to see Mum. He's funny, though I didn't like his ex boyfriend much.

Marian
Nobody did [shakes head] bad apple that one. He deserves a lot better that lad. I should ask him round to dinner one night.

[Robin looks at Marian to try and get her attention without anyone noticing. He points at his mobile and himself. Marian notices and gets what he's trying to say]

No I haven't gave him a picture of you.

[The whole table looks at him]

Robin
Why not? He can't like Andrew better than me!

[After dinner Marian and Robin are seen at the door, Jake is on the sofa]]

Marian
See you tomorrow
[Closes door]

[Scene 5]

[Jake comes in from school, Marian comes out from the kitchen when she hears him]

Marian
What do you want for your tea? I'll have to do it now, I'm going to se Wendy as soon as your Dad gets back.

Jake
Actually, I was going to ask if I can borrow some money to go to the cinema with Ben and Georgia?

Marian
Borrow? I think you mean have and never pay back. How much will you need?

Jake
I'm not sure maybe £12?

[Marian reaches for her purse and pulls out £15 and hands it to Jake]

Marian
Just make sure you're back at a decent time! And don't forget to see Georgia home safely!

Jake
Of course I will, thanks Mum see you later [heads out of door]

Marian
See you later!

[Cuts to shot of cinema and then inside Ben, Jake and Georgia are looking at the information screen to see whats on]

Jake
How about Gore 3?

Georgia
No way! Anyway it's an 18, we wouldn't get in

[Jake looks disappointed]
What about The House Of Dreams?

Jake
That's a girls film!

Ben
We could see it if there's nothing else!

Jake
Look at this one [holds up a booklet] The Terror Of Mr Katt, it's only a 15 certificate, so it can't be that bad.

[Ben and Georgia give each other a worried look]

Georgia
Okay, we can give it a try. I just don't like horror films much.

Ben
I won't sleep tonight!

Jake
Don't be babies [laughs] come on let's get our tickets.

[They buy their tickets, have them ripped by one of the staff and find the correct screen number, as they walk through the door Ben and Georgia grab each others hands]

Georgia
[whispers] where should we sit?

Ben
Let's go to the back, there's not many people up there yet.

[Ben sits first followed by Jake and Georgia]

Jake
This should be good, I've wanted to see a scary film for ages.

Georgia
You said it wouldn't be too bad though.

Jake
Sorry, I lied. I've seen the trailer, it's really scary!

Ben
I want to see the house of Dreams now

Georgia
Too late Ben, Jake, I'm going to hit you when we get out of here!
Jake
You mean if we get out of here?

[cuts to shot of the pub The Boot and Face]

[Scene 6]

[Inside Robin and Marian are sat at the bar, Wendy is behind the bar pulling a pint]

Marian
Andrew not coming then?

Wendy
I'm not sure [to man £2.90 please, thanks] I think he said he would do seeing as Georgia is out.

Robin
Speak of the Devil [door opens and in walks Andrew]

Andrew
Pint please love [he takes out wallet and looks around] Paul not in then?

Wendy
He left about twenty minutes ago, Ron gave him the night off as it was so quiet. I set him up with a date!

Marian
You should have see her, marched right up to the poor lad and demanded his life story.

Wendy
Well it worked didn't it? So you needn't worry, he's gone with Philip.

Andrew
I wasn't worried, I just thought he might be a bit embarrassed about that photo

Wendy
I doubt it, he's had it ages now and you've seen him I don't know how many times since.

Robin
Can I get a packet of nuts please?

[Wendy gets nuts and takes money]

I called Roxanne to let her know she starts on Monday. Nice girl.

Andrew
I've yet to have the pleasure, didn't you say she was a tart? [looks at Wendy]

Wendy
That's not quite how I put it. I just said...
Andrew
That she drops her knickers to so many men during the average week that she must spend her entire income on pregnancy tests. Then you went on to say if she ever did become pregnant she would have to test the entire North of England to determine who the Father was.

Wendy
Well, maybe exaggerated a bit

Marian
Sounds fairly accurate so far to be honest. I expect she'll be in The Crescent again soon.
Still, she seemed very nice during the interview. Then again she was wearing clothes.

[Robin chokes into his pint]

[Marian picks up the peanuts from the bar and read from the packet]

WARNING: This product may contain peanuts.

Robin
What else would you expect to be in there?

Marian
I don't know, a salted slug, a lightly toasted badgers nose. It's all health and safety gone nuts. Sorry bad joke.

Andrew
Anyone fancy a game of pool?

Wendy
The pool tables broken, Ron said he was getting it repaired in a few days.

Robin
What's wrong with it?

Wendy
Fat Martha and Ron decided to have a bit of the old you know what on it and the legs gave way!

[Marian, Andrew and Robin all give off sounds of disgust]

Andrew
Thanks for that lovely mental image.

Wendy
If you think that's bad you should have seen what they did to the beer glass!

[all of them put down their drinks]

[Scene 7]

[Cut to shot of inside the cinema. Jake is still sat in the middle of Ben and Georgia, a scary part comes up and both Ben and Georgia cling onto Jake before they all start laughing at low volume]

Georgia
[whispers] This is more scary than I thought.

Ben
[whispers] I know, sorry Jake mate, but I jumped out of my skin.

Jake
[whispers] I'll be full of bruises if you both keep that up! I've not been scared once!

[Another loud noise and a scream and they both dive onto Jake again]

Georgia
[whisper] I can't take much more of this

Jake
[whisper] You'll be fine, it's not THAT bad really is it?

Ben & Georgia
[low hiss] Yes!!

[Georgia gets ut of her seat]

Georgia
I'm just going to the toilet, be back in a minute.

Jake
I might come with you

Ben
Don't leave me on my own! [clings to his arm]

[Georgia walks off]

Jake
You really do need to get a grip!
What's going on with you an Georgia anyway?

Ben
what do you mean?

Jake
You were holding hands before! On the way in.

Ben
Oh that, we were just scared stiff. There's nothing going on though.

Jake
Do you like her though?

Ben
Not like that no, she's just my mate.

Jake
You should tell her if you do, you never know she might like you back.

Ben
Is that what you would do?

Jake
[Nods] If I liked someone I would tell them, always worth a try.

[Out of the blue Ben leans over and kisses Jake on the lips, Jake pushes him away, but not aggressively, what they don't see is Georgia who walked up the aisle far enough to see what happened]

Jake
What was that about?

Ben
I'm sorry, I'm going to go.

Jake
You're not going anywhere, you're going to explain right now.

Ben
[Crying slightly] I can't explain, I'll talk to you tomorrow, not while Georgia's here [points at Georgia who is slowly walking back to her seat]

Jake
[in Ben's ear] Just remember you're my mate, you can tell me anything.

[Ben gives a weak smile]

[Cuts to Robin & Marian walking home, they find Jake already there when they go into the front room]

Marian
Good film?

Jake
Yeah it was good

Marian
You don't look like you've had a good time, have you had an argument?

Jake
No, well, not really, but I didn't know what to do?

Robin
About what son?

Jake
Both Georgia and Ben kept getting scared all the way through the film and they kept clinging onto me.

Marian
Let me guess, you felt funny when Georgia was holding onto you?

Jake
A bit, but it's not that. Like I said they were both jumping into me when they were getting scared and I just let them, I didn't think anything of it. But when Georgia went to the toilet Ben kissed me on the lips!

[Robin & Marian look surprised]

Marian
And what did you do?

Jake
I pushed him away and he started crying.

Marian
Well then, he must like you. I take it you rather it was Georgia who tried to kiss you.

Jake
[Grins] I don't know what you mean Mother! [Laughs]

What do I do about Ben though?

Robin
Not a lot you can do. But you need to give him a call.

Marian
I'm assuming you're not bothered then?

Jake
I couldn't care less, I thought he might have told me though.

Marian
He was probably scared you wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Go on go and ring him before you go to bed.

[Jake goes upstairs with his phone to his ear, he comes back down looking worried]

Jake
He's not answering, I hope he's ok.

Robin
He'll be fine, it's probably just gave him a shock, speak to him tomorrow when it's all blown over a bit

Jake
I still don't get why he kissed me! Mum do you think he must have though I was gay too?

Marian
Not with your dress sense Jake no!

[Jake laughs as does Robin]

I don't know what you're laughing at [to Robin] you've no dress sense either.

Robin
Oi! [throws pair of rolled up socks at Marian and then Jake as they both laugh at him]

[Final Scene 8]

[On the way to school Jake bumps into Georgia who is a bit off]

Jake
Hi, you enjoy it last night then? We should go again next week!

Georgia
It was ok I suppose, I probably won't be able to next week. You could go with Ben though, I'm sure you'd like that more.

[she walks off and Jake catches her up]

Jake
What does that mean?

Georgia
[rolls eyes as if to think for an idea. Makes up a bad excuse]
I just feel like I'm in the middle. You two get on better with each other than me, plus I'm the only girl. I just feel a bit odd, especially when it's a boys sort of film as well.

Jake
[puts arm around her shoulder]
You shouldn't feel like that, you're just as good a mate to me as Ben [gives her kiss on the cheek]

[They walk to school, as they go their separate ways Jake spots Ben and runs over to him]

Hey!

Ben
Look I'm sorry okay, It was a mistake, please don't hit me!

Jake
Don't be an idiot! As if I'd hit you! Would you hit me?

Ben
Of course not

Jake
Oh that's right, you just hit ON me don't you?

Ben
I didn't! I slipped! Honest!

Jake
Ben, it's fine matey. I don't care! You're my best mate and like I said last night you can tell me anything!

Ben
So we're still mates then?

Jake
Would I be stood here talking to you if we weren't?

Ben
Can I still sleep over at the weekends?

Jake
Don't push your luck!

[They both laugh and Jake gives Ben a hug. They walk laughing into school]

[END OF EPISODE]

:(

Is it really as terrible as I thought then? :( :( :(

I have had a glance over it and I like it, however, there I am far too busy having to meet a shitty uni deadline so I can't read this closely, I am procastinating by reading the threads but I am being displined and not pissing away anymore time. But anyway, yes from what I've seen I like it.

Eh? [looks around for flying pigs] I wasn't expecting that! Maybe will go back to it and finish a bit more, would like to get the other characters in to see how they work.

I'm a little put off by all the explanations at the beginning.
The dialogue seemed quite nice though.

Hi, I didn't read the explanation at the beginning because I work on the theory that the dialogue and action should tell me about the characters and the story and it did. The dialogue seemed very natural but to be honest I didn't find it that funny, not totally unfunny but more like overhearing my parents chatting, a bit too gentle. However, I'm only an amateur myself so no need to take too much notice of what I think. Good luck with it, and I did like the 'I resent that remark' line.

thats what I meant about it not being Ha Ha type 'funny' I don't think I could come up with enough one liners to do it really.

Funnily enough that line you mentioned is my least favourite, it makes me cringe, though I don't know why. Probably because I wrote it.

Will work on a bit more I think. :)

Just updated it, let me know what you think.

Any feedback is good feedback :)

Ok too much exposition both in the intro and the dialogue. You're showing not telling andthat's an instant turn off.
On the positive nice banter and comedic situations and also quite funny. The smell of irony stuck out as an especially nice line and the erotic fishfinger a nice image.
It is a bit gag heavy though and I'd aim to put in more character/siutation gags.

But it's going places.

Also as a fan of Dexy's Midnight Runners could you marry a girl called Eileen?

Quote: sootyj @ October 14 2009, 7:55 AM BST

Ok too much exposition both in the intro and the dialogue. You're showing not telling andthat's an instant turn off.
On the positive nice banter and comedic situations and also quite funny. The smell of irony stuck out as an especially nice line and the erotic fishfinger a nice image.
It is a bit gag heavy though and I'd aim to put in more character/siutation gags.

But it's going places.

Also as a fan of Dexy's Midnight Runners could you marry a girl called Eileen?

Can You explain the first 2 comments? I'm too dim to get it lols :)

Overall nice comment though.

And what on earth does the last line mean? haha

Then if her names was called out surname first it would be Carmon Eileen (Sounds like come on Eileen).

Alot of the characters are saying they are certain people or going to do certain things etc. Which can be a bit annoying better to show things.

e.g. Basil Fawlty never said he was a bad tempered sod.

Quote: sootyj @ October 14 2009, 1:43 PM BST

Then if her names was called out surname first it would be Carmon Eileen (Sounds like come on Eileen).

Alot of the characters are saying they are certain people or going to do certain things etc. Which can be a bit annoying better to show things.

e.g. Basil Fawlty never said he was a bad tempered sod.

That is the first time anyone has ever cracked that joke and I'm being serious, I thought I had heard them all by now :)

Will take a look and see if can work it out :)

It has a gentle humour. My only real criticism is as above. You don't need exposition the characters bring the story with them. Probably needs a few re-drafts (yes, that old chestnut) but worthy of working at perhaps.

Thanks for the feedback so far, I've actually been quite pleased at the response.

I was expecting a lot of "This is terrible" or "Please die now so you can never write again"

So thanks it's gave me enough motivation to keep going with it.

What do people think of the title?

I decided on it as it's about plumbers and also that it is about family life (and to be really cheesy) and the "warmth" within both families etc etc etc

Pass the sick bag (sick bag handed by hand wearing white glove)

Thanks (pukes in bag)

added a bit more

found a song that would be a funny theme tune lmao

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgeVAsYmbfU

I have took on board the feedback and will fix things. But for now I'm going to finish it as I started then re-draft.

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