EXT. DAY. CENTRAL LONDON.
DERREN BROWN IS OUT WALKING WHEN A TRANSIT VAN PULLS ALONGSIDE HIM. TWO ARMED MEN WEARING BALACLAVAS EMERGE AND BUNDLE HIM INTO THE VAN. THE VAN SPEEDS OFF.
CUT TO: AN OLD, EMPTY WAREHOUSE. DERREN BROWN IS BOUND AND GAGGED AND IS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN. THE TWO ARMED MEN ARE POINTING THEIR GUNS AT HIM. A THIRD MAN WALKS TOWARDS DERREN. HE IS DRESSED AS A MAGICIAN BUT ALSO HAS A BALACLAVA ON. HE READS A SCROLL.
MAGICIAN:
Derren Victor Brown, you have been found guilty of continuing flagrant abuse of the magician's code of conduct. You have failed to abide by the secrecy clause of The Magic Circle. At a recent extraordinary general meeting, it was decided to invoke PRESTO (Prestidigitator's Revolutionary Elimination Squad, Twats Out). As you are well aware PRESTO is the armed militia of The Magic Circle. Furthermore, I am now going to read you Ali Bongo's dying words:
'Get that c**t Brown, get him. Aaaargh!... I'm not dead yet, that was my last trick, aargh!'
Ali Bongo was then placed in his coffin, which was subsequently sawn in half. Derren Victor Brown, you are to be executed forthwith. Have you anything to say?
BROWN MUMBLES THROUGH HIS GAG.
MAGICIAN:
Ready, aim, fire!
THERE IS A PROLONGED BURST OF AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE.
THE MAGICIAN TAKES OFF HIS BALACLAVA TO REVEAL HE IS JERRY SADOWITZ. THE OTHER TWO MEN ARE PAUL DANIELS AND URI GELLER.
THREE MEN: (in unison)
Aaaaahhhh! It was blanks Brown, ha, ha.
DERREN BROWN IS WRIGGLING UPSIDE DOWN, THEY REMOVE HIS GAG.
BROWN:
You'll pay for this. Oh, you'll pay. Just wait to see what I concoct for you three.
DANIELS:
Ha, this was even better than the time we done Blaine.
SADOWITZ:
Dunblane? I'll make the sick jokes round here Daniels, you short-arsed wee bastard.
GELLER:
No, he meant the trick we played on David Blaine, remember?
CUT TO FLASHBACK SCENE: DAVID BLAINE IS WALKING IN NEW YORK WHEN HE IS BUNDLED INTO A VAN BY ARMED MEN. BLAINE IS 'CHLOROFORMED'. WHEN HE WAKES UP, HE IS INSIDE A ROCKET AND IS FLOATING AROUND IN ZERO GRAVITY. JERRY SADOWITZ'S VOICE IS HEARD IN THE ROCKET.
'Earth calling Blaine, wakey wakey Davey. Jesus Blaine, your levitation's coming on well. Enjoy your trip, bye.
CUT BACK TO WAREHOUSE SCENE:
SADOWITZ:
Whatever happened to Blaine?
DANIELS:
He was last seen close to Uranus.
BROWN:
Oooh, I didn't know you were like that Jerry.
SADOWITZ:
I wouldn't want to be too close to your anus Brown, it's nae smelling too good at the minute.
GELLER:
I suppose we'll have to free Derren.
SADOWITZ:
You two go on home. I'll release me old mucker Brown here.
GELLER:
Ok, sorry about the gun, by the way.
GELLER HANDS SADOWITZ A BENT RIFLE. GELLER AND DANIELS EXIT THE WAREHOUSE.
BROWN:
Ok, joke's over. Untie me at once.
SADOWITZ:
Ok mate. Actually, see before I do. You wouldn't do me a wee favour?
BROWN:
I'm not in a position to say no. What is it?
SADOWITZ:
Could you give my wand a good cleaning, you upside-down deviant bastard?
FX FLIES BEING UNZIPPED.
