help with my feedback

hey guys. i recently sent my script to a contest and finished in the semi finals. i just got the feed back from the judges and although most of it made sense to me, one thing that was mentioned frequently was that occasionally my dialogue seemed old fashioned in the sense that i relied on the "setup/punchline" format. i'm a little unclear what he means by this. i've looked over my script and to me the dialogue seems very natural. if some of you guys could give me examples of "setup/punchline" dialogue maybe i could find the place in the script where i did this. thanks for your help guys.

Umm...I'm not entirely sure either. I guess it means that one of your characters says a line which sets up the other for a joke. If the set-up is pretty obvious then it can make the dialogue seem forced.

I can't think of any good examples, but this is the basic outline.

CHARACTER #1
Says a line which sets up...

CHARACTER #2
...the punchline.

A really classic old fashioned one is:

M: My dog's got no nose..

F: How does he smell (set up)

M: Awful! (punchline)

Well done in the comp .. your script couldn't have been that bad then!

I'm guessing they just mean, because since The Office, it's not fashionable to talk sitcom language.

They want you to hide the joke in the natural rhythm of the conversation. Rather then get one of the characters to say something which is just there to set up a joke.

Maybe a more natural convo for Frankies example;

F: What's up with your dog?

M: Another dog bit of his nose.

F: Aw how does he smell?

M: Who nose?

haha, thanks for the replies. i'll go back and work on it and see if i can find anything similar to your examples.

Watch Not Going Out.

I think if you don't spot the gag, and it's well disguised, there's nothing more joyous than a great sitcom gag.

Chandler (on the phone): I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.

Might be one of the best jokes ever written.

I don't think it's necesserily a bad thing though. It depends what type of sitcom your making, if your going for a realistic piece then yeah these type of gags I'd stay away from. But if your going for a traditional style then those gags are fine I think. Not Going Out is a great example, they have plenty of set up and punchline gags and they work perfect with that style.

Andrew Collins cited his favourite joke from NGO:

MAN: It's not like turning on a tap.
AMERICAN GIRL: Force it.
MAN: All right. It's not like turning on a faucet.

If you think the girl's response is unnatural and 'forced', then the joke is clunky.