Filling Channel 4's Gaping Hole

C4's Wish List To Fill Big Brother Slots

So once Channel 4 has got the albatross of Big Brother off its shoulders next year, they will have all this lovely free airtime to fill with new original television.

Personally I'd like to see a follow-up to Balls Of Steel where the show's presenters and pranksters are kidnapped from their homes at gunpoint and placed in a Guantanamo-style version of a Butlin's holiday camp, where they are forced to put on 3rd rate variety shows whilst under the threat of torture from the bloke who does Fonejacker.

How should Channel 4 spend their budget on this big new chunk of empty air?

Pimp my High Street - Assorted spikes placed in road to inflict maximum damage on boy racer vehicles. Hosted by Jeremy Paxman.

Whose Lion is it Anyway? - Celebrities locked inside London Zoo must find proper work before being mauled. Hosted by whoever survives.

Pink Peter - Alternative Blue Peter

(I'm sorry, it's a slow morning)

Mini-Oaks - sex, drugs and lesbian sky diving aimed at the 7 - 12 year old demographic.

100 Greatest Continuity Announcements - including Vernon Kay reminiscing about the man who used to say 'And next up, Blockbusters'.

OMG! It's Sooo Funny - over priviledged middle class sperms, who went to good schools and have relatives in the biz get to write their own comedy sketch show that features bad regional accents, random swear words, terrible wigs, unrecognisable characters and unfunny jokes.

Posh Girl Investigates - an upper middle class 16 year old leaves her environment of unbelievable prosperity and goes to the world's biggest shitholes and proclaims absolute truths to the rest of Britain like it's news. Look out for her 'War is Bad' report from Afghanistan and 'Poverty is like so Gross' from the slums of India.

50 Cent's British Best Friend Forever - two words - Wigga Fest

Eat It, Seat It and Beat It - everyday couples have to clean a house, cook dinner for 12 people and then put on a dance for them as entertainment.

Gay Wads - millionnaire homosexuals run a national television station into the ground by making shit programmes. The Government bails them out with our tax money so they can keep making unwatchable rubbish. The ultimate reality show.

They should commission more homegrown high quality drama and comedy, whilst at the same time, replace BB E4 live streaming with decent American imports on a decent time schedules.

I think that would keep everyone happy

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 8 2009, 12:26 PM BST

Mini-Oaks - sex, drugs and lesbian sky diving aimed at the 7 - 12 year old demographic.

100 Greatest Continuity Announcements - including Vernon Kay reminiscing about the man who used to say 'And next up, Blockbusters'.

OMG! It's Sooo Funny - over priviledged middle class sperms, who went to good schools and have relatives in the biz get to write their own comedy sketch show that features bad regional accents, random swear words, terrible wigs, unrecognisable characters and unfunny jokes.

Posh Girl Investigates - an upper middle class 16 year old leaves her environment of unbelievable prosperity and goes to the world's biggest shitholes and proclaims absolute truths to the rest of Britain like it's news. Look out for her 'War is Bad' report from Afghanistan and 'Poverty is like so Gross' from the slums of India.

50 Cent's British Best Friend Forever - two words - Wigga Fest

Eat It, Seat It and Beat It - everyday couples have to clean a house, cook dinner for 12 people and then put on a dance for them as entertainment.

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'I'm Sorry, I Haven't A F**king Clue'.
A new general knowledge quiz for students.

Me. A new documentary by the ever-whimsical Jon Ronson, where he explores the wacky world of North London. Jon meets the ever-increasing number of white, middle-class liberals who have set up a cult based on their belief that there are "hidden meanings" in the books of Jon Ronson.

Elms Street. Twelve ordinary strangers are locked in a North London townhouse and over the course of the next ten weeks have to work out which one of them is Robert Elms and why anyone should care.

The Secret Toilet Attendant. Every week an actual toilet attendant visits struggling families and communities the length and breadth of Britain. After hearing their heart-wrenching and sometimes uplifting stories, he or she must select which of their toilets is most worthy of having a really thorough clean for free.

Channel Four News Twitter. Ground-breaking revamp of a tired old format, where Jon Snow and Krishnan Guru-Murthy have to cover each major news item in 140 characters or less.

I'd like to see The Wall stripped across an entire week. And possibly Hollyhoaks Hourly. Oh, and I'd like to see repeats of The Big Breakfast going out at prime time. But only the ones with Joe Mangle from Neighbours hosting.

Anyone remember when channel 5 was really new, they pretty much had nothing to show except documentarys on narrow boats (not too much has changed).

But they used to have friday night porn, they phased out a few years ago, I used to bound home from school on a friday for that.

Channel 4 should pick up on that, it's cheap, it's post watershed and it's fun for the whole fa... Men.

Isn't Channel 4 going to be merged with the BBC?

Quote: Marc P @ October 8 2009, 12:54 PM BST

Isn't Channel 4 going to be merged with the BBC?

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Nope.

Quote: Paul W @ October 8 2009, 12:53 PM BST

Channel 4 should pick up on that, it's cheap, it's post watershed and it's fun for the whole fa... Men.

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I'd watch it. I've completely lost touch with Shannon Tweedy's career these days.

Quote: chipolata @ October 8 2009, 12:55 PM BST

I'd watch it. I've completely lost touch with Shannon Tweedy's career these days.

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Quote: chipolata @ October 8 2009, 12:46 PM BST

And possibly Hollyoaks Hourly.

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Considering the huge amount of Hollyoaks (and its related programming) they have to produce each year, it's amazing how they maintain their standards, isn't it?

I remember Channel 4 in the Eighties (and part of the Nineties) when it had great sketch comedy, dramas, nudity, sex scenes and more sex scenes. Did I mention the sex scenes and nudity? With real tits and bums and sometimes other bits and everything.

It used to be THE trendy channel.

What I think I'm saying is that C4 used to broadcast groundbreaking stuff.

And then they started doing reality TV.