I liked this Adam and can definitely see potential for a series of sketches. and wasn't Dolly's suggestion a good one. maybe in the next sketch the kid doesn't get his own way and has to go on the naughty step for 5 minutes (using the universal one minute for each year) and then the man has that lightbulb flash and gets 35 Minutes on the 'naughty' step.
And a minor point in case you miss it, you refer to her in the dialogue as MUM but in the description at the beginning she's 'his wife,Sarah'.
Randy Man Page 2
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 5 2009, 12:38 PM BSTI liked this Adam and can definitely see potential for a series of sketches. and wasn't Dolly's suggestion a good one. maybe in the next sketch the kid doesn't get his own way and has to go on the naughty step for 5 minutes (using the universal one minute for each year) and then the man has that lightbulb flash and gets 35 Minutes on the 'naughty' step.
And a minor point in case you miss it, you refer to her in the dialogue as MUM but in the description at the beginning she's 'his wife,Sarah'.
Ooo, aren't you a positive little one eh? going round leaving your little positive posts on critique!
Thanks very much humberfloob, I shall begin my editing asap!
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 26 2009, 11:46 PM BSTIt might be better if she smacks the husbands bum and sends him to the naughty step.
And maybe the naughty step could be a real naughty step?
I hate that whole naughty step shit. Flip's sake.
Having got the crisps the kid should turn to his dad:
That's what you gotta do if you wanns shag.
Quote: Stephen Birch @ October 5 2009, 6:55 PM BSTHaving got the crisps the kid should turn to his dad:
That's what you gotta do if you wanns shag.
I think that might work better if the little boy is replaced by a talking dog.
Quote: LIME5000 @ October 5 2009, 6:28 PM BSTI hate that whole naughty step shit. Flip's sake.
Shit?! *smacks the juice out of Lime5000 and sends him to the naughty step*
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 5 2009, 8:03 PM BSTShit?! *smacks the juice out of Lime5000 and sends him to the naughty step*
I think you've been on the Giggle juice for too long pal. I know Squirrel style. I'm ready for that war!
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 5 2009, 2:25 PM BSTOoo, aren't you a positive little one eh? going round leaving your little positive posts on critique!
Thanks very much humberfloob, I shall begin my editing asap!
Personally, if someone's going to talk to me like I'm a bitch I'd prefer it to be in the bedroom but, hey, that's just me.
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 6 2009, 11:23 AM BSTPersonally, if someone's going to talk to me like I'm a bitch I'd prefer it to be in the bedroom but, hey, that's just me.