British Comedy Guide

Couple of Charmers

Scene is set in a lift.
The characters talk to them selfs in their mind...this sign.....{ }... will represent that

GUY - { " Yeah, she wants " }

PAL - { " Abet he thinks she won't him, when really she wants me.
Oh, Oh, Oh....Oh, yeahhh, shes seen it. " }

GUY - { " He's obviously trying to show skin, but why the wrist?
Is he actually stroking his wrist.
He should be showing bisept, abbs or even bum but instead he's looking like a cool suicidal
man.
Hmmm, cool is there, but I think im safe. Suicidal definatly makes me look good.
Thinking of it, all I really need to do is stay still and I'm already the saftest option.
Date here I come " }

PAL - { " Whats he doing, is he....is he dead, he's not even looking at her.
No movement at all, is he....holding his breath aswell. " }

GUY - { " I'm gonna do it " }

PAL - " Mate, are you alright, youve gone abit red in the face"

GUY - { " Just alittle longer and I'm there " }

WOMAN - " Sir "

GUY - { " Sir, she called me Sir.
Should I answer?
Sir's like the new Lord these days.
She might think I'm in parliament, she could be my Milband to my Brown
If I talk, I'll mess it up, shall I hold my breath more?
......Yeahh why not, just don't move an inch. " }

WOMAN - " Sir, you ok "

PAL - " Mate "

GUY - { " Shit, is that a fart coming, oh no, please no " }

With a gust of wind and a squeak, a smell fills the room.

PAL - { " Oww, hes defiantly not getting any now, guess im the big dog.
Get ready to claim your prize. " }

Ding- the elevator doors open and the woman proceeds to walk out.
She glances back. Pal is tapping his wrist as tho it's muscle with a grin of disgust with the other Guy catching his breath back

GUY- { " Good bye David, I knew u so well, but not at all " }

Hi - sorry I haven't read it, but if you want to show what someone is thinking (like in Peep Show) use the character's name followed by V.O (for voice over). :)

Cheers Dolly

It's really hard to read the way it's currently laid out. Try laying it out like Dolly suggested - you can edit your original post.

1) No need for "quotation marks".

2) Voice Over (V.O.) is used when a character/narrator is heard speaking from an unknown place (the future, heaven, inside our head). So if you want people to read it; reformat it thus:
________________________________________________________________________________

GUY:
(V.O) I'm gonna do it.

PAL:
Mate, are you alright? You've gone a bit red in the face.

GUY:
(V.O) Just a little longer and I'm there.

WOMAN:
Sir...?

GUY:
(V.O) Sir! She called me Sir! Should I answer? Sir's like the new Lord these days. She might think I'm in Parliament, she could be Miliband to my Brown. If I talk, I'll mess it up, shall I hold my breath more? ......Yeahh why not, just don't move an inch....

WOMAN:
Sir, you ok?

________________________________________________________________________________

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